7:d:ìÖûøAèÇ d:ÿÿÿ! È"Times New Roman$$Heading 1! $ ð <$Heading 2! ð$ ð <$Heading 3 ! $,Bullet list ! $ÿÿÿÿ#Ç3r À!(#$#Ç3r À!(#$ÐР°  :cI:fQ%: ):c:f˜%: ) Ð/à=WHO WAS WHO 5000 B. C. to Date )Biographical Dictionary of the Famous and Those Who Wanted to Be )Edited by Irwin L. Gordon@©©BIOGRAPHIES©A©ADAM[1] (last name unknown), ancestor, explorer, gardener, and©inaugurator of history. Biographers differ as to his©parentage. Born first Saturday of year 1. Little is known of©his childhood. Education: Self-educated. Entered the©gardening and orchard business when a young man. Was a strong©anti-polygamist. Married Eve, a close relative. Children, Cain©and Abel (see them). Was prosperous for some years, but©eventually fell prey to his wife's fruitful ambitions. Lost©favor of the proprietor of the garden, and failed in business.©A. started a number of things which have not been perfected.©Diet: Fond of apples. Recreation: Chess, agriculture.©Address: Eden, General Delivery. Clubs: Member of all©exclusive clubs.©©[1] Ed. Note: Adam should not be first, but he is given that©position out of respect.©©©©ABEL, son of the above. Spent early days in the Garden of Eden©with his parents, and later traveled with them. Conducted a©sheep raising business. Finally had a row with his brother,©and was knocked out in the first round.©©ABRUSSI, Prince Luigi Amedeo Guiseppe Maria Ferdinando©Francesco, of the Italian nobility. Spent the greater portion©of his life taking care of his name, climbing mountains,©fighting Turks, and denying rumors regarding his marriage.©©ACHILLES (first name unknown), a baby whose mother gave him a©bath, but forgot to wash all of his feet. Later was veteran of©the siege of Troy. Died before receiving pension.©©AESOP, novelist, nature faker. Little is known of his©childhood except that he was fond of dogs and played with the©cat. Later he made animals his life's study. A. discovered the©zoological principal that a turtle can run faster than a©rabbit, and that foxes never eat sour grapes. Publications:©Fables; the book has had a good sale. Address: Greece.©Clubs: Zoological Societies.©©ALADDIN, of Somewhere. An ancient who possessed a lamp and a©genii with which he could secure anything an American©millionaire or actress can now purchase.©©ANGELO, Michael, painter and sculptor of no mean ability. Born in©Italy, but named after Irish relatives. At school he showed©his talents by making cartoons of the teachers. These were©unappreciated. Moved to Florence, where he bought some©chisels, brushes, and saw his first model. A. remained a©bachelor. Later he moved to Rome, and began a brilliant©church-decorating career. Secured permission of the Pope to©give an exhibition in the Vatican. This was finally made©permanent. Also made a fortune erecting tomb-stones for the©Medici family, leading politicians of his time. It is difficult©to leave Italy without seeing much of his work. A. never©favored the cubists or post-impressionists. Recreations:©Painting, sculpture. Address: Rome.©©ANTOINETTE, Marie, wife of Louis No. 15, who assisted her©husband to spend the French taxes. Was also a practical joker,©her humor terminating at Versailles when she advised a mob to©eat cake during a bread famine. Her wit was unappreciated.©Ambition: Anything but October 16, 1791. Recreation:©Versailles; looking through a grated window. Address:©Versailles. Later: Consiergerie, Paris.©©APOLLO, a handsome ancient who fell in love, posed for his©statues, patronized music and poetry, and, finally, had a table©water named in his honor. Career: See longer and less©respectable biographies. A. was the first person to sing to©the accompaniment of a musical instrument, but he was a good©singer. Ambition: Paris. Recreation: Music, travel,©archery. Address: Greece. Clubs: Athletic, musical.©©ARC, Joan of, celebrated French suffragette. Spent girlhood©milking cows and embroidering. When the English ministry began©operations in France J. dropped her embroidery in the milk©bucket and began suffragetting. She did not break windows or©blow up anything. Gathered a host of males about her and©captured towns. English exited. J. went back to the cow, but©again had to take to the armor. She was finally jailed, and©burnt up by the Radical ministry. She burned an old maid.©Recreation: Barn dances, churning. Clubs: Orleans©Suffragette.©©ARISTOTLE. Introduced brains into Greece.©©ARMOUR, a Chicago family who keep the world supplied with meat,©and themselves out of the government jails.©©ARNOLD, Benedict, a man who sent his name down through history©with a bad odor attached to it.©©ARTHUR, King, a very dead English sovereign who manufactured©the Round Table, and did all the things a good English king©should do. Little is known of his Prince of Waleshood. Was©crowned in Westminster Abbey, but without the American©contingent. Became proficient as a knight. Stayed away from©the palace so much his queen began flirting. Al's sword was a©wonder. Press Agent: Lord Tennyson. recreation: Grailing.©Address: Windsor, Buckingham.©©ASQUITH, Herbert Henry, an Englishman who helped run things in©his country before 1908, and who ran things after 1908. Was©also a favorite rallying point for suffragettes. Led a©successful wing-dipping expedition against some of his©countrymen who held titles to names and property. Also juggled©dynamite in Parliament (see Lloyd-George). Ambition: Women©without ambitions. Recreation: Dodging, golf. Address:©Constantly in danger of a change. Clubs: Favored Radical.©©ATKINS, Thomas, celebrated red-coat-wearing dandy who flirts©with nurses and cooks, spends his time boasting about South©Africa and the U. S. A., posing for motion pictures, and©exhibiting royalty. Authorities differ as to his marksmanship,©although it is now conceded he can often hit a man-sized target©at the distance of 4 feet 3 inches. Weather, however, must be©clear. Is an authority on creases, backbone, accent, and tea.©Beverage: Everything. Recreation: Jacks, collecting stamps,©Kipling, blindman's-buff, parlor tricks, May-pole festivities.©Ambition: Tortoise-shell monocles, camp manacurists, pocket©bath-tubs, and restoration of the tea canteen. Epitaph: See©Emperor William.©©ATLAS, a man who held up the heavens and was not even a©preacher. Edited a huge book which bears his name.©©AURELIUS, Marcus, one of the few Romans who is not remembered©for crossing a river, for being murdered, for murdering©somebody, for making speeches, or building triumphant arches or©ruins.©©©©B©©BABY, T. H. E., an unscrupulous tyrant, s. father and mother.©His first appearance caused heaven at home, and an idiotic©father. Education: At home. Career: A series of adventures.©Was frequently ill, a poor sleeper, toy demolisher, throat©exerciser, nurse distractor, and a general nuisance. Despite©his shortcomings he ruled Home with an iron hand--a tear caused©a doctor-- a smile meant a gold mine. Diet: Principally©liquid. Ambition: The moon. Recreation: Coaching, hair©pulling, a proud father. Address: See Mother.©©BACCHUS, patron saint of most men, benefactor, a jolly good©fellow, and the founder of the "morning after" feeling.©Studied vine raising when a young man. Discovered that grapes©were not intended for a food. Invented the greatest pleasure©and pain giver the world has ever seen. Became a traveler.©Introduced ale and stout in England, whiskey in Scotland,©everything in Ireland, cocktails and patent medicines in the©United States, beer in Germany, champagne in France, absinthe©in France, and vodka in Russia. Career: Magnificent.©Recreation: Paris. Address: Greece. Clubs: All, except W.©C. T. U. Epitaph: He Will Live In The Throats Of His©Countrymen.©©BACON, Francis, either wrote or did not write Shakespeare.©©BAEDEKER, Karl, one of the most versatile men who ever lived.©Childhood and old age unknown. Formed an ambition to travel©when quite young. First visited Switzerland, where he climbed©every peak, walked every path, hired every guide, and did©everything a tourist should so. His field of travel widened©until every country in Europe was visited, as well as the©United States, Canada, Alaska, and Mexico. In these lands he©slept in every hotel, ate every dish in every restaurant, drank©every wine, rode on every boat, tramway, subway, and train;©visited every ruin, museum, art gallery, church, store;©mastered every language, science, art, literature, custom,©history, and drew maps and plans of everything. Publications:©Baedekers. Recreation: Staying at home. Ambition: Tourists.©Residence: Germany.©©BALFOUR, Arthur James, of England, one time leader of the©talking forces of the House of Commons. Ambition: Opposition©seats on both sides of the house, and an epitaph over the home©rule bill. Recreation: St. Andrew's golf and writing deep©books.©©BALZAC, H., a Frenchman who wrote a few Parisian stories which©may be discussed in respectable company.©©BARBAROSSA, Kaiser, the only emperor of Germany who ever went©to sleep.©©BARKIS. Fame rested only upon his complete willingness.©©BARLEYCORN, John, an eminent citizen of the world. Spent early©days in the fields, breweries, and distilleries. Later resided©in cellars. John had a red nose. Was a great friend of©Bacchus. He was a "wasser," he is an "iser," and he will be a©"will be-er." Ambition: The end of temperance societies.©©BARNUM, Phineas T., fathered the introduction of the peanut,©the clown, and the beautiful bareback riders. As a side show©he taught that some Americans were Progressives part of the©time; that other Americans were Republicans all the time, but©that all Americans were not Democrats all the time.©©BARRY, Madame Du, writers' model, former queen of France. Was©a great friend of Louis XV. and helped make the dances at©Versailles a success. She always preferred marcel waves to©pompadours. Ambition: To have and to hold. Address: See©Louis. Clubs: Anti-suffragette.©©BARTHOLOMEW, an unfortunate saint who was skinned alive. Patron©of gold mine investors and American tourists in Europe.©©BEARD, Blue, inventor of an original method to dispose of©wives, before Reno was discovered.©©BEATRICE, a Florentine girl who gained fame by refusing the©suit of a love-sick poet. Later she conducted him through©heaven, and made arrangements for his travels in the other©place. B. died a famous old maid. Ambition: A lover with©money. Epitaph: She Might Have Been Mrs. Dante Had She Wanted©To.©©BEECHAM, a celebrated pill roller.©©BELL, Alexander Graham, inventor of a well-known necessity and©nuisance. Started the saying, "Number, please."©©BELSHAZZAR, an old king whose handwriting on the wall proved to©be correct.©©BENEDICT, Saint, the man who introduced benedictine and monks©into Europe. Also gave his name to benedicts.©©BERLITZ, the man who will teach you how to say it in©everything.©©BERNHARDT, Sarah, an ancient French actress. Sarah was born©before birth records were inaugurated, and no historian has©been able to determine her age. Career: On the stage at four©months. During her young-woman and goodlooking days-hood B. is©said to have made a hit with European nobility. In her©declining years she made a few other fortunes in the United©States. B.'s fame culminated in having several cigars,©perfumes, perspiration powders, and a theatre named after her.©Ambition: The fountain of youth. Recreation: Statuary,©acting. Address: Private cars and 56 Blvd. Pereire, Paris.©She also has a telephone.©©BILL, Buffalo, alias W. F. Cody, the delight of the American©boy. He began his career shooting buffaloes and Indians on the©plains of the West, and ended it shooting glass balls for a©fortune in a tent. Installed the I-want-to-be-a-cow-boy©ambition in the hearts of young America. He also made a goatee©and a big hat famous. Played the show market a little too long.©©BILLIKEN, a funny little fellow who did not wear many clothes,©and made people laugh.©©BISMARCK, a German who was a greater politician than any©Ireland has ever produced. He built an empire, crowned an©emperor, changed the Frenchmen in Alsace-Lorraine into©Dutchmen, and made the Paris mint work overtime for his©country. Quite unpopular in France. Ambition: Made in©Germany.©©BLACKSTONE, a rock upon which many a legal ship has foundered.©©BLERIOT, benefactor of humanity, idol of the tourist, and enemy©of navigation. B. discovered a method of crossing the English©Channel without being seasick.©©BLUCHER, a Dutchman who was on the job at Waterloo. He also©was not the only German general who ever fought France.©©BONAPARTE, Joe, just Nap.'s brother (see him).©©BONHEUR, Rosa, a lady French artist who wore men's clothes.©Being an old maid, she painted animals, but never mastered the©parrot or the cat. Her endeavors were confined to horses, and©one of her paintings is considered fair.©©BOOTH, General William, founder of a vast army which never©fought a battle, made a retreat, or surrendered. Conducted©campaigns in Great Britain and the United States, with brass©bands and collection devises. The army later became a©suffragette institution when women were admitted as recruits,©and placed as sentries to guard the Christmas-Easter collection©forts. Publication: War Cry. Recreation: Reviewing troopers©and troopesses.©©BOSWELL, Dr. Johnson's press agent (see the Doctor).©©BRADSTREET, author. Wrote a book in which he described your©bank account and told how you paid your bills. His©complimentary comments are highly valued.©©BRIEUX, Eugene, a seller of damaged goods who got away with it©without being fined or driven out of business.©©BROWN, John, an American who helped start the Civil War by©espousing the cause of the negro. This resulted in his body©moulding in the grave.©©BROWN, Thomas, an Englishman who reversed the usual procedure©of life by springing into print when young, and keeping out of©it when old.©©BROWNING, Robert, a cryptogram writer whose poems are©deciphered by the Bostonese and cultured English people. It©has been estimated that B. could say more with fewer words and©conceal his meaning better than any writer since the adaptation©of the alphabet as a means of expression.©©BROWNING, Mrs., Bob's wife. She also wrote poems. They were©easily understood, and consequently seldom read.©©BRUMMELL, Beau, a man whose thoughts were more for the crease©in his pantaloons than for his head.©©BRUTUS, Et Tu, a Roman murderer.©©BRYAN, William Jennings, a famous Chatauqua lecturer who ran a©newspaper and the State Department on the side. Archaeologists©claim B. formed a passion to rule the nation when a child. He©only got as far as the Democratic party and platforms. Became a©golden orator with a silver speech and offered himself as a©rectifier of all things not Bryan. For ages his name was©placed on the presidential ballot and later removed. Made a©fortune by telling people why they did not elect him. Also©toured the world, but shot no game in Africa or Monte Carlo.©Was the father of Bryanism, an odious word meaning things©Bryan. Later secured one Wilson to attend to Washington detail©work. Motto: All things come to him with bait. Ambition:©Short ballot with one name. Publications: The Commoner, a©newspaper devoted to Bryan advertisements. Address: Mail©forwarded from Washington. Epitaph: He Will Rise Again.©©BUCHANAN, J. C., manufacturer of the Scotchman's delight and©weakness. He showed the world the excellence of two colors, and©caused many a man to lose the keyhole.©©BUDDHA, a prince of India who tired of good times and turned©reformer. Advised his congregations to adopt the recall and©referendum. Nailed several anti-saloon and burlesque planks in©his platform. After B.'s death his friends filled the Orient©with his bronzes. He was fat and wore a fascinating wart on his©forehead.©©BULL, John, a fine, fat, American-beef fed individual who©inhabits a suffragette-infested island somewhere in the North©Atlantic. Born several hundred years ago and is beginning to©show his age. Is fond of the sea and is said to have a fine©fleet. This has had off years, notably 1812. B. has had©trouble with a son who wishes to leave the paternal protection.©Is fearless except when faced by a hunger strike, the Pankhurst©family, and thoughts of Germany. Patronizes a costly social©organization known as the Royal Family, or a reception©committee for American heiresstocracy, which also dedicates©buildings, poses for stamps, post-cards, motion pictures and©raises princesses of Wales for magazine articles and crowning©purposes. B. is a monitor of English style; wears a monocle,©spats, 'i 'at, cane, pipe, awful accent, and never makes his©appearance without a cawld bawth. He detests the word©"egotism." Is a celebrated humorist, seeing through all jokes©but himself. Ambition: 'Ome sweet 'Ome. Recreation: Tea,©Week Ends. Address: Hingland. Clubs: Policemen's, Golf,©Jockey, and Suffrage. Epitaph: See Emperor William Again.©©BURNS, Robert, surnamed "Bobby," a Scotch bard who wrote love©poems about his sweetheart. He thus performed two remarkable©feats-- making poetry in the Scotch language, and finding a©girl in Scotland who was as beautiful as his lines declare.©©BUTTERFLY, Madame, a little Japanese lady whose child has©remained the same size and age for the past eight years.©©BYRON, Lord, an Englishman who swam rivers, was wise enough to©get away from the London weather, helped kindle Greek fire, and©wrote poems.©©©©C©©CAESAR, Julius, school book writer, river crosser, and a great©politician who was not born in Ireland. Entered Roman politics©as the leader of the Gang. Was active in military affairs.©Became a fair general despite his poor service training.©Desired to write a book. Began by taking an army and capturing©Europe and England. He did not waste his time with Scotland or©Ireland. C. made a river famous by crossing it, and finally©included Rome in his history of victories. Became popular with©the voters, but had trouble with the Senate. Wrote books and©paid his debts. Was finally attacked by a few vested-interest©senators, and stabbed by a chum. The murderer was caught, but©escaped the gallows. C. was honored with one of the finest©funeral orations over delivered over a corpse. He was also©awarded a few triumphant arches. Publications: Omnes Gallia©est divisa in tres parses. Ambition: Rome: Address:©Capitol, Rome. Clubs: Gladiators, Vestal. Was also a member©of the Society for the Protection of Roman Ruins. Epitaph:©Veni, Vidi.©©CAIN, one of our ancestors of whom we do not brag.©©CANNON, Honorable Joseph G., late of the Speaker's Chair, House©of Representatives, Washington, U. S. A. For centuries C.©occupied the chair, and tenderly protected poor railroads and©trusts from the unkind remarks of congressmen who knew things©and him. Was finally retired from the chair by the Democrats,©and from Congress by his constituents. Grave: 1912 election.©Heir: Champ Clark. Ambition: Those good old trusty days once©more. Address: The Far Back Woods. Epitaph: R. I. P.©©CANUTE, a king of England who proved the theory that the ocean©could wave at him.©©CARLOS, Don, a man who does not believe a head is uneasy which©wears a crown. Ambition: Royal Palace, Madrid. Address:©Northern Spain.©©CARMEN, celebrated Spanish flirt. She worked in the government©tobacco factory at Seville until a clever writer and a musician©rescued her. Went on the stage. Has appeared in most of the©cities throughout the world, made love to several singers, and©then been killed by a bull fighter after singing her way©through five acts.©©CARNEGIE, Andrew, or "Andy," or the Laird of Skibo. A fine old©American who went about giving away libraries, advice, peace©buildings, and advertising armor plate. When a young Scotchman©he scotched his three dollars a week and purchased the steel©trust. Later retired. Ambition: Universal peace with all©dreadnaughts steel trust armored. Also a library in every©town. Recreation: Telling young men how to scorn the root of©all fortunes. Also receiving university degrees. Address:©University commencement platforms, New York City and Scotland.©©CARTER, a doctor who wants everybody to have liver trouble.©©CARUSO, Enrico, millionaire opera singer, who appeared in the©Victor Talking Machine and New York City. Always had a cold or©a sore throat, a condition which assisted materially in filling©the house. Like all his contemporaries, C. has been sued for©divorce and breach of promise, has lost his jewelry, visited©zoological gardens, sung for charity, given farewell concerts,©and done other things to help his newspaper and box-office©reputation.©©CASTELLINE, Count Boni Di, a French gold prospector who was©successful for a time in the U. S.©©CASTOR, one of Leda's twins. Also invented an oil (see©Pollux).©©CASTRO, Cipriano, of Venezuela. First man to introduce©American-Irish politics into South America. Acquired a©fortune, which was greatly increased by a personal friendship©with the American asphalt trust. Was revolutioned a few times,©and finally escaped with the mint and his life. Career:©Dangerous. Ambition: Subjects without guns? and a New York©police force in his country. Recreation: Taxes. Address: ?©©CHAMBERLAIN, Joe A., of England. A former Lloyd-George of the©Treasury, who had different ideas of taxation.©©CHARON, ferryman. Never had a childhood. Devoted life to his©business. Has navigated more people than all the Atlantic©liners combined. Ambition: A launch. Recreation: None.©Address: The Styx.©©CHAUCER (first name unknown), an early experimenter in the©English language. Notorious as a bad speller. His best-known©work is used as a student puzzle in leading universities and©colleges. Ambition: A typewriter and a dictionary.©©CHINAMAN, John, a well-known character in the U. S. who washed©clothes, and made chop suey until he had enough money to return©to his native land, purchase a few wives, and live in opium.©©CHURCHILL, Winston, wrote books for a living.©©CHURCHILL, Winston, did not write books for a living.©©CINCINNATUS, of Rome, who left his plow to make his share in©politics. Later inaugurated the back-to-the-farm movement.©©CINDERELLA, the only scullion maid who had a small foot and two©sisters in society. Historians have questioned her claims to©fame, but they may easily be substantiated by millions of©children.©©CLAUS, Santa, poor father.©©CLEOPATRA, of Egypt. A queen who presented England with a©threadless needle, fell in love with some foreigners, was©unsuccessful in her love and naval affairs, and finally became©a mummy through the auspices of an adder. Ambition: An©Egyptian St. Patrick. Also Royal lovers. Recreation: Barging©with Anthony. Epitaph: Pyramid.©©CLIMBERS, T. H. E., an American man and woman who had money and©ambition. Spent the early portion of their lives gathering©cash, and the later in spending it. Were welcomed by many©people, but never quite reached the top. Both died trying to©get there. Ambition: An English nobleman in the family.©Recreation: Paris, London, and Switzerland. Address: See©Recreation. Clubs: All, with the exception of the ones they©wanted.©©COLE, King, a merry old monarch of the Kingdom of Childhood.©Great smoker, and was fond of the bowl. Recreation: Fiddlers.©©COLEMAN, a man whose invention has caused tears and throat©burnings.©©COLUMBUS, Christopher, map enlarger, skipper. Said to have©been born in Genoa. Something made him believe the world was©round. He endeavored to secure money to prove his theory, but©nobody cared whether he was correct or not. Realizing there©was no capital or prophet in his own country, he took passage©to Spain. There he inveigled Isabella into equipping an©expedition for him to discover America. She did and he did.©Ambition: To keep New York City in the family. Recreation:©Deck shuffle-boards, dreaming. Address: San Salvatore. Clubs:©Palos Yacht.©©COMPANY, T. H. E., a man and woman who invariably called when©we were taking a nap or dressing. Charming conversationalists.©Recreation: Tea. Ambition: An invitation to dinner.©©CONFUCIUS, A Chinese preacher of note. Lived some 500 years B.©C. and taught the chinks the art of joss making, and how to do©things backward. He also was the founder of ancestor worship.©This still is practiced in England, but never in the United©States or Australia. Recreation: Fireworks. Ambition: A©Chinese laundry in every city. Epitaph: More Majorum.©©CONQUEROR, Will The, of Normandy. Wrote "Hastings" and "1066"©in all history books.©©COOK, T. H. E., Lord of the Household. Entered the kitchen at©a tender age. Soon acquired considerable weight in person, and©in the management of the house. When she departed there was©weeping, and wailing, and waiting. Diet: Usually large and©everything of the best. Ambition: An American policeman, or©Thomas Atkins. Recreations: Days off. Address: The whole©house.©©COOK, Captain, a real explorer who discovered the Sandwich©Islands and who took the first Cook's tour around the world.©©COOK, Doctor Frederick A., an explorer who said he discovered©the north pole, but nobody believed him. (See Peary.)©©COOK, Tom, celebrated ticket seller, author of captivating©travel literature, and a tour arranger who guarantees to save©you money. Owns and operates the Nile and Mount Vesuvius.©Publications: The Come On Books. Ambition: Those Americans©who want to see everything. Also "first timers." Address: Any©foreign city equipped with tourists.©©COOK (first name not known), son of the above, who helps his©father save money for the tourist. He is called "fils" in©Paris.©©COPPERFIELD, Dave, one of Dickens' friends who assisted him in©building a reputation.©©CORBETT, James J., known as "gentleman Jim," one-time champion©fighter of the world, and a "has been" for whom everybody has a©good word. Many persons wish he might be the Corbett he used©to be. Ambition: A white champion.©©CORELLI,[2] Marie, an old-maid authoress who wrote delightful©love scenes. She is said to have written some books which©brought her fame and royalty. C. does not approve of society©except her own. She remains secluded with her typewriter at©Mason Croft, Stratford-on-Avon, only being seen by her©publishers and the editor. Publications: See book stores and©railway stations. Recreation: Flowers. Clubs: All©anti-suffragette.©©[2] Ed. Note: The editor hopes to remove this name before the©next edition. Its insertion is entirely due to the machinations©of book reviewers, who claim Miss Corelli's books have fallen©into the "was" class. The editor never contradicts a book©reviewer.©©©©COXEY, General, leader of the only non-militant army in the©world which did not take up collections or give away Christmas©dinners.©©CRITIC, Dramatic, a notorious prevaricator who tells the world©to see all the shows, and thus preserves the advertising column©for his employers.©©CROESUS, an ancient John D. Rockefeller, who became wealthy©without trusts, the Supreme Court, or the stock market.©©CROKER, Dick, ex-king of New York City. Born in Ireland of©Irish parents. From childhood he practiced the art of politics,©which resulted in his gaining the friendship of the New York©police force. C. was elected. C. was very poor. Later©retired to his native land with two Atlantic liners filled with©salary. Ambition: An Irish president. Recreation: English©Derbys. Address: Ireland. Clubs: 1,100,000 New York©Democratic.©©CROMWELL, Oliver, a militant Presbyterian who entered politics,©and went about England tearing down churches. He also assisted©in putting King Charles I. out of his pleasure. Ran things in©England on a reform-Cromwell basis, and after his death was©honored by having his round head placed as a decoration over©Westminster Hall.©©CRUSOE, Robinson, F. R. G. S., traveller and autobiographer.©Visited a sparsely-settled island in the Pacific Ocean; talked©to parrots; found some footprints; rescued Friday, and returned©to England to become an author.©©CUPID, Daniel, a cute little fat fellow who called on every one©at least once. Born shortly after Adam, and is still up to©mischievous tricks. It was he who made kings fall in love with©poor country girls; chauffeurs with their ladies, and beggars©with princesses. C. held all men and women equal provided they©were good, and he made the happiest people on earth when they©listened to his voice. He witnessed several international©engagements, but did not like them, as the contestants gave him©a black eye. He also was responsible for mothers-in-law. Some©roads he made very rough, but C. always was a good guide. At©times he caused pain, but he said it never was his fault. When©C. stayed in a house the sun was always shining. You should be©at home when he calls. Ambition: That sigh. Recreation:©Archery. Address: Perhaps you know. Clubs: None. He prefers©the fireside and moonlight nights.©©CURIE, Madame, one of the few women who got her name in print©without being a suffragette or an actress.©©CZAR. See Russia.©©©©D©©DANIEL, ancient lion tamer. Also performed the difficult feat©of remaining in a fiery furnace without his family applying for©the insurance.©©DANTE, of Italy, architect of the under world, journalist,©lover, and poor politician. Wrote articles for magazines, but©used too much slang. Later fell in love. The girl (see her)©knew what journalists were, and refused to spoon. Exasperated,©he began a bombardment of poetry. That settled it. D. then©entered politics. Soon learned they did not mix with love and©his business. Both he and his manuscripts were banished.©Traveled in Italy in the interests of safety. Posed for his©bust while suffering with a bad attack of dyspepsia.©Publications: Poems, tragedies, and comedies (?). Ambition:©To be Beatrice's Romeo. Recreation: Travel. Address: II via©Dante, Florence. Seldom at home.©©DANTON, the man who wound up France before the revolution.©©DARLING, Grace, a light-house keeper's daughter who showed the©world that a woman may fear a mouse, but not a tempest. One of©the truly brave who did not receive a Carnegie advertisement.©©DARWIN, Charlie, a well-known enemy of preachers. He discovered©that many men looked like their progenitors, and proved his©theories with the exception of one link. The clergymen claimed©that a chain with one link missing was no chain, and that D.©was a nature faker. Publications: Origin of Species, a©valuable book, even if it does fail to explain the currency©bill.©©DAUGHTER, Pharaoh's, an Egyptian princess, who took a bath, and©rescued little Moses from the bull rushes. (See Mose.)©©DAVID, King, or "Dave," shepherd, writer, musician, champion©sling shot, and politician. Son of poor parents. Entered army©as a volunteer, and was awarded medals for his attack upon©Goliath. Appointed musician to the royal household. Became©friendly with the Prince of Wales and succeeded in doing him©out of the coronation. Later was elected king. Fell in love©with Mrs. (name not mentioned by newspapers). Gave her husband©a conspicuous position in the army. Married her. Heir: Sol.©Publications: Psalms. Recreation: Slinging. Address:©Jerusalem.©©DEATH, a hideous man who called at least once during a©lifetime, usually toward the close. Patron of insurance©companies. Nothing is known of his childhood. Historians claim©he never had any. Possessed an ugly face; wore a sheet over his©head, and always carried a scythe in his hands. Never brought©happiness, although his visits frequently gave money to some©one. Never could be bribed to pass a house he wished to enter.©Many doctors and scientists have endeavored to kill him, but he©continues to be a safe bet at 100 to 1. Heir: None.©Ambition: A happy home and prosperous graveyards. Recreation:©Sharpening scythes. Address: Always hung out a black cloth©wherever he resided.©©DELILAH, friend of Samson, and quite a dip. She also©accompanied Samson on a number of European and American opera©expeditions.©©DELMONICO, founder of a Fifth Avenue New York City cafe, where©the cost of living has ever been high. He introduced the©French menu into the U. S. and with it considerable©indigestion.©©DEMOSTHENES, an old Greek talker.©©DENIS, Saint, a saint with an Irish name who made good in©France.©©DEPEW, Chauncey M., an ancient railroad-wealthy U. S. Senator©from the state of New York. He made after-dinner speeches,©dedicated monuments; married a young wife, and was relegated to©obscurity by the American voters.©©DESDEMONA, of Venice. A lady whose handkerchiefs cost more©than her clothes.©©DESLYS, G., a French dancer who had sufficient charm to attract©a royal press agent, who could draw crowds and a big salary.©©DEVIL, see Old Nic.©©DEWAR, John, inventor of a popular Scotch beverage without©which no cold day is complete.©©DEWEY, George E., a former American hero who totally destroyed©a Spanish armada in Manila Bay. He received the homage of a©nation; had cigars named after him; appeared in Who's Who; was©paraded through the streets; married a widow; moved to©Washington; got in bad with the inhabitants, and got out of the©newspapers.©©DIANA, an ancient sportswoman who loved fox hunting, hounds,©and the chase without the conventionalities of a society hunt.©Address: Ephesus.©©DIAZ, Porfiro, former king and political leader of Mexico, who©departed from the social functions of a king to assist the©government. Legends prevail to the effect that he patterned©his actions on a Napoleon-Roosevelt policy. He also was©requested to move. Ambition: A revolution with himself on©top. Recreation: The fandango. Address: Fifty years in the©White House of Mexico. Epitaph: Wilson Never Bothered Me.©©DICE, see Thomas and Harry.©©DICE, Diamond, American ten-cent adventurer; friend of the©messenger boys and embryo criminals. His biography formed an©important part in the lives of the boys who never visited the©Carnegie libraries.©©DICKENS, Charles, an English writer who wrote.©©DIN, Gunga, a limpin' lump of brick dust, water carrier.©Employed in H. R. H. service in India. Wore few clothes.©Fought in many battles. Frequently gave bad water to soldiers.©Rescued Thomas Atkins, but was shot while in the act. Saved©the government the price of a medal. His pathetic story was©widely published. Later it fell into disfavor in the U. S. and©Great Britain, it now being considered a crime to recite the©story. Ambition: To come back like Sherlock Holmes.©Recreation: Sleep. Address: Care of biographer.©©DIOGENES, the most foolish man who ever lived. He endeavored©to find something with a lantern which could not even be©located with a searchlight. Ambition: A brighter lantern.©Recreation: Cleaning globes. Address: Tub. Epitaph: Here©Lies A Man Who Attempted The Impossible.©©DISRAELI, a Hebrew who gave up the trades of his ancestors to©run England.©©DOE, John, an honest man who was defrauded out of millions by©persons who forged his name.©©DOODLE, Yankee, American horseman who made people take off©their hats, shout, and whistle when he rode into town.©©DORCAS, a modiste who founded the church gossip societies.©©DOWIE, alias Elijah II, a celebrated Chicago divine who showed©the world how easily some people were deprived of their money©and religion.©©DRAKE, Francis, an English admiral who did not have a public©square named after him. D. also introduced the spud into©Ireland.©©DREAMER, T. H. E., castle builder. Lived long ago, and©intended doing something to-day. Spent much time thinking about©the best girl in the world. A great friend of Procrastinator.©Went through life waiting for to-morrow. Several men, however,©with the same name, have awakened and given their dreams to the©world (see Columbus, etc., and Lady Macbeth).©©DREW, John, prehistoric American actor.©©DREYFUS, Captain, founder of the Dreyfus Case. Got out of jail©by being one of the few innocent men who got into print.©©DUFF, Mac, a Scotchman who gained fame because he was a good©layer on.©©DUMPTY, H., celebrated accident victim. Fell from a wall at an©early age and never recovered, despite the services of©specialists.©©DUN, another man whose word of commendation will enable you to©open a charge account.©©©©E©©EASTMAN, George, inventor of the brownie camera and the most©expensive sport on earth. Ambition: The kodak fiend,©tourists. Address: Rochester and London. Clubs: Camera.©©EDDY, Mrs., of Boston, Mass., U. S. A., a lady who made©millions by telling the world there was no such thing as the©toothache, sea-sickness, or hitting your thumb with a hammer.©©EDISON, Thomas, an American who invented everything with the©exception of the sun dial, Pear's soap, and the Gillette razor.©©EIFEL, a Frenchman who built the second tower of Babel, but who©was wise enough to stop before he got too high.©©EIGHTH, Henry the, suitor, blue beard, and church builder. When©a young man he became a benedict, a condition in which he©remained until well along in years. As fast as a queen©appeared at the breakfast table with her hair down her back,©she was dispatched to the block. A couple of queens got ahead©of him. Was nearly as successful in obtaining divorces as©Napoleon, of France, and American millionaires. In his later©years he competed against the Pope in England. Ambition: A©harem. Recreation: Spooning. Dreams: Bad. Address:©Windsor.©©ELGIN, Lord, the man who rolled the Elgin marbles from Greece©to the British Museum. Also had something to do with the©interior of watches.©©ELIJAH, a prophet of old who was fond of ravens (not red).©Later he went somewhat out of his line, but succeeded as a©chariot driver.©©ELIZABETH, Queen, called "Bess" by Raleigh and the rest of the©boys. E. reigned when people did things. She was wooed and©lost by an Armada (see Philip II). She finally walked over©Raleigh's coat, and later wiped her feet on him. E. had a©sister by the name of Mary, who was better looking, and less©fortunate. E. was queen when the pipe was introduced into©England. Other and less important events of her reign were:©Shakespeare, Spenser, and Virginia. Died an old maid. Heir:©She did not have any.©©ELLIOT, George, a lady who wore a man's name and wrote books.©©EMANUEL II, Victor, the original of the statues in every town©of Italy; a king with ambitions, who was wise enough to entrust©his affairs to a brainier man, and was thus made famous (see©Girabaldi).©©EMERSON, Ralph Waldo, American writer who inspired his readers©to conquer the world. Several have failed. Also advised the©practical theory of hitching your wagon to the stars. Lived©before the time of the taxi.©©EPICURUS, an ancient who believed that pain was unpleasant and©that pleasure was good. His descendants live in expensive©hotels and eat only in high-class restaurants. Many suffer©with the gout. A popular cat foot was named in his honor.©©ESAU, an ancient who sold his birthright for a mess of©breakfast food.©©ESTHER, Queen, a beautiful lady who triumphed over the villain©of the book, married the hero, and lived happily ever©afterward.©©EUCLID, an old Greek who made poor students read his book as©far back as 300 B. C. He discovered the phenomenon that the©shortest distance between two points is a crow's flight, and©that two parallel lines always compete.©©EVE, see Mrs. Adam.©©EYRE, Jane, an old maid school teacher, who married a rich©husband after the fashion of books.©©©©F©©FAGAN, the Hebrew benefactor of Oliver Twist, whose name did©not fit his religion.©©FAHRENHEIT, inventor of an instrument which enables a person to©ascertain whether the weather is warm or cold.©©FAILURE, T. H. E., a failure. Supposed to have idled away his©younger days. Believed to have dissipated. Said not to have©applied himself to school or business. Found fault with life©and everybody, but was never wrong himself. Unpopular. A©great blamer. A lover of revolvers, rivers, and the poor house.©Frequently seen in the under world. Ambition: The other©fellow. Recreation: Too much. Address: All large cities.©Clubs: None. Epitaph: Here Lies A Man Who Never Really©Tried.©©FALLIERES, Armand, occupied a prominent position in the French©government for seven years. One of the most distinguished of©the vast collection of ex-presidents now scattered over the©world.©©FALSTAFF, a celebrated drunk.©©FASHION, Dame, heart breaker, bank account ruiner, and patron©saint of French shop-keepers. She went about the large stores©changing the cut of ladies' clothes and the shape of their©hats. Created some awful looking things. F. made the poor men©work very hard to keep up to her. Publications: Editor of all©Ladies' Magazines. Address: Paris, London, and New York City.©Epitaph: (Would that she had one.)©©FAUST, chemist, traveler. A gay old man who fell in love©during his second young manhood, traveled in a warm country,©and sang his way to fame.©©FAWES, Guy, a man who attempted to make an impression in©Parliament without introducing home rule or suffrage bills.©©FINN, Huc, a bosom friend of Thomas Sawyer (see Tom).©©FITZIMMONS, Robert, an obsolete fighter who wishes he could rub©the black spot from the ring.©©FLETCHER, the inventor of chewing.©©FLORADORA, an American chorus girl, who was some popular with©the men. She appeared in all large cities with the best looking©chorus that ever wore tights. F. created such a sensation that©every living actress of note is willing to be classified as a©former member of her company. Had a miserable cigar named after©her. Ambition: Revival. Grave: New York City. Epitaph:©There Were Not Many Like Flora.©©FOGG, P., The man Jules Verne sent around the world in sixty©days for a big sale.©©FOOL, A., a spendthrift lover. Fell in love with an©unintelligent woman and one who never could understand.©Followed his natural bents, even as you and I. Wasted several©years. Wept profusely. End unknown. Recreation: Vampires.©Epitaph: He Was Not The Only One.©©FRANKLIN, Benjamin, one of the few Americans endowed with©brains. He discovered that lightning was composed of©electricity, that politics paid better than printing, and that©the French Court was more lively than the Continental Congress.©©FRERES, Pathe, patron of the motion picture fanatics.©©FRIEND, A., the scarcest thing on earth. A rare visitor, but©he came around a few times in a lifetime. F. was glad to know©of your success, pitied you in your failures, and shook you by©the hand when you were down and out. Never borrowed money, but©he frequently lent it. Was a wise counsellor. Very popular.©His name was frequently given the baby (see Mischief).©Ambition: The other fellow's welfare. Recreation: At the©other fellow's house. Address: The other fellow's house or©his own. Clubs: All.©©FRITCHIE, Barbara, a Southern target. Sprang into poetry as©the only woman in the history of mankind who admitted her old©age.©©FULTON, Robert, inventor. Another brainy American who made a©fortune for the Cunard and White Star lines.©©©©G©©GABRIEL, A., trumpeter. Entered history at an early date as©the agent for the Garden of Eden. Compelled the Adam family to©move. Historians claim he will again be in Who's Who when St.©Peter (see him) makes the inventory. Ambition: Larger lungs.©Recreation: Aviation.©©GAINSBOROUGH, T. R. A., a versatile English hat and portrait©manufacturer.©©GALILEO, inventor, star gazer. Proved himself an imbecile by©declaring the world revolved when everybody knew it was©stationary. Manufactured the first spy-glass, an instrument©which has since been used in theatres and for various other©purposes. Also discovered that clocks were equipped with©pendulums.©©GANGSTER, T. H. E., a politician known as a "progressive" when©out of office.©©GARDEN,[3] Mary, a clever actress who succeeded on the opera©stage. Legend has it that Mary possessed a fine voice as a©child. This was expensively cultivated in Europe, was later©exposed before English and American congregations, and her©Sapho-Salome-Thais-Carmen costumes packed the houses.©Ambition: Less wealth and more throat. She also wants a©husband with a soul. Recreation: Being presented with opera©houses and suppers. Residence: Principally Atlantic liners.©©[3] Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement.©©©©GARIBALDI, G., the George Washington of Italy without the tea©party. He espoused the cause of Victor Emmanuel (see Victor),©and successfully Bismarcked the Italian States. Slept in every©town in his country, ran second to V. E. in the number of©statues erected to his appearance, and for three years held the©championship for eating spaghetti.©©GARRICK, an old English matinee idol.©©GATLING, R. J., he was considered a big gun.©©GAUL, Dying, a brave soldier who posed for his statue when©mortally wounded.©©GEORGE I, King of England, 1660-1727. Permitted the whigs in©general, and one Walpole in particular, to run England.©©GEORGE II, King of England, 1683-1760. Held a few wars.©©GEORGE III, King of England, 1736-1820. Lived during the reign©of William Pitt, and believed in taxing tea.©©GEORGE IV, husband of Queen Mary (see front pages of our©contemporary Who's Who).©©GEORGE-LLOYD, Dave, a well-known cigar, English politician.©Entered politics via a newspaper, clever speeches, and votes.©Was a modest member of the House of Commons, seldom speaking©more than four times on any bill. Kept climbing until he©became under secretary of something, order keeper of the Board©of Trade, and finally occupied a prominent position in the©Exchequer. Assisted the Primer to grasp the Irish home rule©millstone, and hung on without a gurgle. Ambition: A©dynamite-proof house, a tax on air. Recreation: (see©Asquith). Address: Front row House of Commons. Clubs:©Anti-conservative.©©GIBSON, Charles Dana, American artist who pleased the old©inhabitants before the market was so wet.©©GILLETTE, manufacturer of a well-known Christmas present which©cuts barbers out of their tips, and is deucedly annoying to©clean.©©GIRL, The Chorus, Um!©©GLADIATOR, Dying, another brave artists' model.©©GLADSTONE, W. E., a grand old man who twice premiered England,©chopped trees, and failed to make accurate measurements with©the Irish home rule.©©GLYNN, E., an old maid authoress who knew things. Wrote a book©which everybody tells the rector they have not read, and then©re-reads it when the doors are locked. In the United States a©law has been passed compelling booksellers to include a bottle©of disinfectant whenever a G. book is sold. Ambition: A©publisher who is not afraid of the police. Recreation:©Reading her own books. Address: Probably Paris. Clubs:©Always blackballed.©©GOAT, T. H. E., the one who purchased this book.©©GODIVA, Lady, horsewoman whose costume rivalled many exhibited©at the Paris horseshow. Many said her habit was out of sight.©©GOETHE, a Dutchman who succeeded in making a few German words©rhyme.©©GOLIATH, ancient heavyweight champion, who was knocked out in©one round by a lightweight. Defeat attributed to©overconfidence. Friends said nothing like that had ever entered©his head.©©GOODWIN, Nathaniel, an American who was opposed to Mormonism,©but who adopted it on a progressive and newspaper scale.©©GOOSE, Mother, a fine old lady who was loved by all, but who©told some awful untruths to the innocent.©©GORDON, I. L., editor of Who Was Who. Probably the greatest©writer who ever lived. Spent early childhood in infancy. At©the age of fourteen began shaving and wearing long trousers. At©twenty-one G. was considered of age. Began writing while a©child. Penmanship so poor he took to the typewriter. Wrote Who©Was Who with hope someone would purchase it. Some one did.©Ambition: (He considers this personal and will not be quoted.)©Recreation: Looking for publishers. Address: Paris when©financially able. Other times in one of those confounded©newspaper offices.©©GORKY, M., a resident of Russia who became unpopular with the©government and moved. He endeavored to make a lecture tour of©the United States accompanied by another man's wife. Learned©that this was not the usual custom in America. His managers©and hotel proprietors requested him to continue his travels.©Ambition: A czarless Russia; less fussy people. Publications:©Much unpatriotic literature.©©GRAY, the man who wrote a clever cemetery poem, the first line©of which is remembered by everybody.©©GREAT, Peter the, shipbuilder, and the only ruler of Russia who©never was bombarded. Was also unique in the fact that he©worked. Historians claim this was due to his poor salary.©©GROAT, John, proprietor of a celebrated house located some©distance from Land's End.©©GUILLOTIN, Doctor, a French inventor of a popular method of©decapitation, who had such confidence in his invention that he©was the first to give it a practical demonstration.©©GULLIVER, a Munchausen-Doctor Cook-Peary traveler who never©submitted his proofs, but who found a credulous publisher and a©gullible public. Never lectured.©©©©H©©HAFID, Mulai, a sultan of Morocco, who succeeded in abdicating©before he was abdicated.©©HAGAR, Miss, Abraham's wife's maid who nearly broke up a happy©family.©©HAHNEMANN, Doctor, of Leipsig, discovered the sugar pill and©called it homeopathy.©©HAM, second officer and engineer of the Ark.©©HAMED, Abdul, a retired professor of diplomacy, champion©promiser, and a sick man. When a youth he began instructing©the monarchs of Europe in the use of a government. One of his©favorite pastimes was reading ultimatums. Fearless until a©warship entered the harbor, and even then usually got rid of it©with promises. Employed massacres to break the monotony of©reigning. Acquired as fine a harem as ever sat on silk©cushions. Some of H.'s younger subjects though he should be©ostlerized (see Dr. Ostler). They gave him his harem and©salary, and locked him up in a palace. Then the wise ones lost©Tripoli and about everything but sleeping room in Europe.©Motto: I told you so. Ambition: To be back on the job.©Recreations: Private entertainments. Address: Harem.©Epitaph: Everybody Worked But Father.©©HAMLET, a Dane who had difficulty with an auxiliary verb. Also©founded the foolish questions.©©HAMMERSTEIN, Oscar, an opera broker who inflicted himself, high©prices, and buildings upon certain communities.©©HANDEL, placed "Handel's Largo" on the music stands. Also wrote©a few other airs.©©HARRY. (See Thomas and Richard.)©©HARVARD, John, an Englishman who founded a great American©university near the cultured town of Boston, Mass., U. S. A.,©where football players and the sons of American millionaires©eke out an education.©©HARVEY, Doctor W., a physician who learned in 1619 that his©patients had blood which circulated. The discovery has since©been of some profit to his successors.©©HEINZ, of Pittsburg, Pa. A man who never tried to conceal his©name. Sold American baked beans, catsup, and fifty-five other©varieties to the world.©©HELENA, Saint, Constantine's mother. She built a few churches©(also see Napoleon).©©HEMANS, Mrs., poetess who gave to the world that rich, soulful,©and exquisite poesy, "The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck." It©is said the poem has been parodized.©©HENRY, Pat., an Irish-American politician who demanded liberty©or death. From all that can be ascertained he secured the©latter.©©HERCULES, the Sandow of the ancients, promoter of the Olympic©games and laborer. H. claimed to have done some things which©are even questioned by the partisans of Doctor Cook. Killed©about everybody, erected two pillars, stole some apples, and,©in short, did everything but enter politics or invent a©breakfast food. Ambition: The thirteenth labor. Recreation:©Muscle development, travel. Address: The Pillars. Clubs:©Athletic. Epitaph: Now Is A Mighty Man Fallen.©©HIAWATHA, American Indian who permitted his wife to starve to©death simply for the want of proper nourishment. Many claim a©great American poet used bad taste in writing the biography of©such a man.©©HICHENS,[4] Robert, planter of the Garden of Allah.©Experimented with belle donna. H. is still in Who's Who, and©multitudes of readers hope he will remain there for some time©to come. Ambition: Sales. Recreation: Filling his fountain©pen or cleaning typewriter. Address: Care of the Publisher.©Home: Sicily.©©[4] Ed. Note: The editor hopes to meet Mr. Hichens some day,©and is compelled to make the biography flattering.©©©©HILL, Samuel, a man who did things in a hurry. Also a©celebrated rain storm.©©HOBSON, American-Spanish War hero who lowered his ideals and©went to Congress. Later he became a temperance lecturer. Was©heard by great crowds. Produced statistics to show how few©saloons failed after a lecture.©©HOLMES, Sherlock, detective. When a child he devoured©inexpensive literature and theatres. This fired his mind to©eliminate Scotland Yard as a crime-detecting agency. Entered©the profession of a detective, but was unknown until Doctor©Watson pulled him into print. His fortune was then made. All©the society scandals were placed in his hands, and if he only©told what he knew about society--! H. solved the most©complicated mysteries with a stroke of his hypodermic needle,©and was only baffled in locating the murderer of Cock Robin.©His name struck terror into the hearts of criminals and©competing publishers. After all the criminals in England had©been jailed or hung he was killed by an author, but the great©H. solved the mystery of the grave and came back to life in©time to see his murderer knighted. Now at work on the©suffragette case. Ambition: Another Dr. Watson. Recreation:©Fond of Doyle's works and the violin. Address: 31 Baker©Street. Clubs: London Prison Society. Epitaph: Au Revoir,©But.©©HOMER, travel writer, mythology expert, and journalist. Began©career as a reporter on the Athens "Times." Was discharged for©incompetence, and took up honest writing. Found a publisher©who thought his writings would sell to posterity. Later H.©took charge of the Ulysses Tours. Was war correspondent for©the Greek associated press at the siege of Troy. Ambition:©Fewer classics and more money. Publication: See libraries and©school rooms. Address: Care Athens. Clubs: Literary, Fourth©Estate.©©HOOD, Red Riding, a brave little girl who escaped alive from a©wolf which had previously partaken of a relative.©©HOOD, Robin, a fine robber of merry England who took from the©rich and gave to the poor, and made crackerjack material for©stories.©©HOOD, Sarsaparilla, the manufacturer of another remedy for©Harvey's discovery.©©HOPE, the most beautiful woman who ever lived. She was a near©relation of Ambition. Discovered the words "wish" and "if" and©gave her name to the world. She was the first woman to©manufacture ideals, and has been made the patron saint of the©suffragettes (see Suffragette). H. went about making life©worth while. She was loved by all those millions of lovers and©all those millions of men and women who endeavored to do©things. Ambition: The discouraged. Recreation: Success.©Address: Perhaps she has resided in your home.©©HORACE, Quintus Horatius Flaccus, a rhymester of Greece who©sang and drank of the Falernian wine.©©HORATIUS, Roman bridge tender who saved the city, and swam the©Tiber without getting stuck in the mud.©©HOUR, The Man of the, most popular and versatile man who ever©lived. Attracted tremendous attention. Newspapers printed his©picture and ran long articles about his life, family,©eccentricities, etc. Won fame in war, science, pulpit,©aviation, stage, art, music, politics, literature, finance, by©saving a life and in exploring. His accomplishments were©infinite. H. was lionized by royalty, society, and beautiful©women. Made addresses, gave interviews, received honors. He©was the man everyone wanted to shake by the hand so they could©tell other people they had done it. Ambition: Another hour.©Recreation: Basking. Address: All countries. Clubs: All©open.©©HUERTA, Victoriano, a Mexican who made it necessary to employ©extra telegraphers and throat lotions at the White House. He©also was responsible for the phrase, "The Mexican Situation."©©HUR, Benjamin, chariot racer, actor. Appeared in all large©cities, showed his noble figure, raced his horses, downed the©villain, packed up, and moved to the next town.©©HURST, William Randolph, father of the American unwhitened©newspapers. Democrat. Started life in a humble manner, only©controlling a few newspapers. He soon purchased others. His©magical touch changed their color. Employed the greatest staff©of imaginary geniuses ever gathered together. These men had the©ability to write unhampered by mere details or facts. H. also©employed many good lawyers and used them frequently. Fortified©by his constituents, to wit: the aforesaid geniuses and©newspapers, H. entered politics as a candidate for anything.©Was always Bryaned and Roosevelted. Ambition: Same as Bryan.©Recreation: Reading yellow journals. Address: All large©American cities. Epitaph: The Vote Is Mightier Than The Pen.©©HYDE, Mr. (See Dr. Jekyll.)©©©©I©©IBYCUS, a Grecian poet who improved poetry by permitting words©to rhyme at the ends of the lines.©©ICARUS, father of aviation. Record holder for the first©tumble. Selected water as the spot for his fall, and was not©picked up with the debris. Ambition: A Wright machine.©Recreation: Tuning up. Address: Greece. Clubs: Aero.©©IEKATERINOGRADSK, of Russia. Little is known of his life©except that he built a celebrated fort to protect the poor©Cossacks from the molestations of the populace. Was probably©blown up or died in prison.©©INGERSOLL, first man to bring the price of turnips to within©the reach of authors and artists. Historians claim he would©have made another fortune had he lived when the sun-dial trust©had its own way.©©INGERSOLL, Robt. G., one of those contented souls who did not©believe in anything, and made a fortune by telling people what©he believed.©©INNOCENT, thirteen popes. Address: Rome.©©IRVING, Washington, a pleasing American writer who visited©Westminster Abbey, made Rip Van Winkle wake up, and wrote a few©biographies.©©ISAAC (last name unknown), s. Abraham and Sarah.[5] Spent his©childhood like all little Isaacs and later married Rebecca,©claimed by historians to have been a Jewess. Had two famous©sons, Esau and Jake (see both, but especially the latter). Died©at the tender age of 180 years.©©[5] Ed. Note: The editor apologizes for a seeming familiarity©He did his best to ascertain the lady's last name, but failed.©©©©ISABELLA, a Spanish queen who vowed she would not change her©clothes until the Moors were driven from the country. Her©husband, the king, raised an army and accomplished the feat.©I.'s name is sometimes connected with the discovery of America.©This, however, is an error, as Columbus took a more active©part.©©ISAIAH, a prophet who wore second-hand clothing.©©ISHMAEL, son of Abraham, whose appearance complicated his©father's estate. Traveled extensively in the desert with his©mother.©©©©J©©JACK, the man who kept company with Jill. Occupation: Water©carrier. Killed while at work. Ambition: An artesian well in©the valley. (See Jill.)©©JACOB, birthright speculator, traveler, s. Isaac, and brother©of Esau. Was mother's pet. Became proficient as a character©impersonator, but never went on the stage. Left home suddenly.©Slept on a stone and had hard dreams. Later married, and was©responsible for Joseph and his brethren. (See Joe.)©©JAEGER, Doctor Gustav, claimed his underwear kept him warm.©©JAMES, Jesse, an American westerner who murdered, stole, and©appeared in paper novels for the benefit of the messenger boy,©the author, and the publisher.©©JAMES, King, a Scotchman who was considered good enough to be©elected king of England.©©JANOS, H., manufacturer of a popular beverage.©©JAPHETH, third officer of the Ark.©©JEFFERSON, Joe, a fine old memory.©©JEFFREYS, James J., formerly a prize fighter, who carried his©gloves and bluff once too often to the ring. (See Johnson.)©©JEKYLL, Doctor, a physician who took a dose of his own©medicine.©©JEW, Wandering, an ancient Hebrew who has been going over the©face of the earth for centuries, only stopping at the call of©such men as Eugene Sue and Lew Wallace.©©JILL, Jack's girl. She was assisting her fiance when the©accident occurred.©©JOB, prehistoric millionaire who had his ups and downs. Like©all rich men, he had a good young manhood, saved his money, and©entered the market. Formed the camel trust and cornered the©real estate market. The market tumbled and so did J. Family©troubles also distressed him. His camels died of the colic or©were stolen. J. went broke. Even in hard luck he patronized©the temple, and believed while there was money it could be had.©Started in business again with a small capital, remarried, and©ended his days ahead of the game. Ambition: A chance at the©New York Stock market; death to his comforters. Recreation:©Sackcloth and ashes.©©JOHNSON, John, called "Jack," one-time black champion©prize-fighter of the world, who learned that too much chicken,©automobile, and champagne made even a colored gentleman a©"waser."©©JOHNSON, Samuel, no relation of the above. Employed the©greatest press agent the world has ever seen, and was thus made©famous. Also wrote.©©JONAH, traveler, whaler, and lucky dog. Became renowned for©taking a rough trip to sea. Was thrown overboard because he©was the jonah. Swam until he was tired, and finally made a©morsel for a fish. Tradition has it that J. was tough and©indigestible. He remained three days and three nights in the©interior of the whale, causing the animal considerable©annoyance when he exercised. Was later mal de mared, swam©ashore, and thanked his lucky stars for his indigestibility and©the illness of his rescuer. His story was published. Still©causes some comment. Tradition also says that J. never could©look a fish in the face after the harrowing incident.©Ambition: Dry land. Recreation: Mountain climbing. Address:©Sodom. Clubs: Alpine.©©JONATHAN, a man who loved King David more than a successor.©©JONES, John, made a fortune for Europe by inventing the picture©post-card.©©JONES, John Paul, an American admiral who scared England, and©was only prevented from capturing London by the unimportance of©the place.©©JOSEPH, a Hebrew-Egyptian politician. Born in Judea. When a©young man he became his father's favorite, while his brethren©had to do the heavy work. Wore a loud coat. This aroused the©ire of his brethren, resulting in Joe being sold as a slave,©and in the coat being sent to the cleaners. J. journeyed to©Egypt, where he refused to elope with the Pharaohess. Her©husband, the Pharaoh, out of gratitude, put J. in prison, and©afterward made him the royal butler. Years passed. A famine©occurred in Judea. Joe's brethren came down to Egypt to lay in©provisions. There they were confronted by the coatless Joe,©who thanked them for the good luck they had thrust upon him.©©JOSEPHINE, only one of that great multitude of women who©carried a heart which was broken by the ambitions of a man.©©JUDAS, suicide.©©JUDY, Mrs. Punch, but usually unconventionally called by her©first name. She suffered considerable annoyance at the hands of©her husband, although she frequently hen-pecked him. Went on©the puppet stage for a few hundred years, displaying her©domestic infelicity.©©JULIET, a celebrated sweetheart who permitted her lover to make©love on a balcony. Her history was written by one Shakespeare,©and had a splendid sale. (See Romeo.)©©JUPITER, boss of the ancient gods, father of most of them, and©a regular Frenchman. Ambition: To run everything. Recreation:©Killing giants, disguising himself as a swan, etc. Address:©Olympia.©©JUSTICE, only a mythological character whose statue has been©frequently erected. She had eye trouble. In the United States©J. carried scales with a small statue of politics in one pan,©and money in the other. Her statues in other countries are said©to be different, although occasionally the little statues are©found in the pans.©©©©K©©KAISER, T. H. E., alias Emperor William, "Bill" to his friends;©a German of some prominence, who caused heartfailure in Europe,©considerable comment in England, and much applause in his own©country. Was also a naval constructor. Born of royal parents.©Inherited his father's position. At a tender age he formed a©passion for an army. Like all royal children, he had his own©way. His plaything has grown steadily, is in fine condition,©but is only used for parading and scaring purposes. His later©years were spent in making additions to the fleet, but for what©purpose even the wisest sages could not guess. K. was also©honored by a visit from T. Roosevelt (see the Wonder) on his©exhibition through Europe. It is said he could not learn©anything from his adviser. Heir: The crown prince. Ambition:©His army applied to the socialists. Recreation: Army.©Address: Army. Clubs: Army.©©KEELEY, Doctor, water-wagon manufacturer. Claimed fame solely©on account of the invention which prevented men from going home©to a scolding without the assistance of lamp posts. Declared©his cure was as good as gold. Was strongly opposed by John©Barleycorn and his friends. Never cared for New York, London,©or Paris. K.'s end never has been made public. Historians are©endeavoring to ascertain whether he practiced what he preached.©Ambition: Large breweries. Recreation: Getting away from©business. Address: All large cities. Clubs: W. C. T. U.©©KHAYYAM, Omar, a fine old Persian who wrote a beautiful and©heartfelt commentary on headache producers. Ambition: More©grapes. Recreation: A flask, books, and a Persian "thou."©Epitaph: He Certainly Practised What He Preached.©©KIDD, Captain, the man who spent his life burying the treasure©which several people have been sure they could locate. Was said©to have been one of the finest men who ever scuttled a ship.©©KILLER, Jack The Giant, a man who combined his name and©accomplishments.©©KIPLING, Rudyard, an English writer who has not been knighted.©©KNOX, John, of Edinburgh. He was the man who introduced the©kirk into Scotland, but failed to launch the collection plate.©©KRUGER, Oom Paul, an Old Dutch cleanser who certainly made©England scrub up.©©KUBELIK, Jan, the only violinist who never gave a farewell©concert.©©©©L©©LACHAISE, Pere, confessor of Louis XIV for thirty-four years.©He was such an attentive listener and heard so much that the©leading cemetery in Paris was named in his honor.©©LAMB, Charles, one of those immortals who forgot his life of©tears to place smiles on paper.©©LANGTRY, Mrs., the Sarah Bernhardt of England less considerable©talent. Ambition: Those old time lovers.©©LAOCOON, a Trojan priest who suffered with delirium tremens.©Together with his sons he posed for his statue while encumbered©with a bad attack. Address: Vatican, Rome.©©LAURIE, Annie, of Maxwelton. The only woman in history who had©a brow like a snowdrift. Also the only good-looking lassie in©Scotland to whom Burns did not write a few poems. L. was©engaged to be married; no record of the ceremony can be found.©©LAW, Andres Bonar, a Scotchman who gave up the iron business to©become a mere member of Parliament. Is said to have spoken on©Irish questions. Ambition: (?). Recreation: Travel, except©in the south of Ireland. Address: Parliament. This will©probably hold good for several editions of Who Was Who. Clubs:©Conservative, of course.©©LAW,[6] Mother-in-, no relation of the above. A much-abused©ancient whose life and story has been written by malicious©biographers. In reality L. was a kind soul who invited us to©dinner, permitted the gas to be turned down, and always knocked©before she came into the room. Later she wiped the dishes,©took care of her grandchild (see Baby), helped pay the bills,©and told the neighbors what a fine son-in-law she had.©Ambition: Daughter. Recreation: Our house. Address: Our©house most of the time. Clubs: Suffrage.©©[6] Ed. Note: The editor will not be held responsible for the©accuracy of the above.©©©©LAWSON, Thomas W., just a squeeler.©©LEDA, see mythology books, paintings, and statuary. Also©Jupiter, Castor, and Pollux.©©LEE and PERKINS, discoverers of Worcestershire sauce and royal©saucerers to the king.©©LEHAR, Frank, the man who assisted the Merry Widow to make her©debut. Also was the press agent for Mr. Maxim, of Paris.©Ambition: To find another widow.©©LEONORE, became famous because she had a lover who left her©with a good song.©©LEOPOLD, King, of the Congo and Belgium. Has not been dead©long enough for historians to make him famous. Ambition:©Song, women, and wine. Recreation: Wine, women, and song.©Address: Several in Brussels. Epitaph: Quantum Mutatus Ab©Illo.©©LIBERTY, a huge lady who guards New York harbor, and welcomes©Italy and Poland to the United States.©©LIMBURGER, of Germany. Manufacturer of a self-advertising©cheese.©©LIPTON, Sir Thomas, a knighted Irishman who advertised tea with©Shamrocks, and one of the men of his race who did not enter©politics or the police force. Ambition: That cup.©©LISZT, Frank, a piano player who wore long hair, wrote music,©and played the piano.©©LLOYD, the man who will insure anything except the prospects©for the sale of this book.©©LORELEI, said to be a beautiful German lady who always hides©herself when the tourist goes down the Rhine.©©LOT, Mrs. Lot's husband.©©LOT, Mrs., the only woman who had an inquisitiveness which©became practical. She also was considered one of the salt of©the earth.©©LOUIS I, 778-840, called the Debonnaire. Introduced cafe's©into France. Put the "is" in Paris.©©LOUIS II, 846-879. Introduced chorus girls into France. Patron©of cafe's.©©LOUIS III, 882-936. Introduced champagne into France.©Continued the works of his predecessors.©©LOUIS IV, 936-954. Introduced high heels. Continued the work©of his predecessors.©©LOUIS V, 966-987. Introduced absinthe.©©LOUIS VI, 1106-1137. Enlarged the works of his ancestors.©Started pre-tango dancing.©©LOUIS VII, 1137-1180. Fought Germany. Inaugurated the French©menu.©©LOUIS VIII, 1187-1196. Introduced the words "a la" and©dressmakers into Paris.©©LOUIS IX, called the saint, 1215-1263. Was a good Louis.©Fought the Turks and was taken prisoner. His subjects thought©7,000,000 francs worth of him. Was awarded his halo for work©in the Crusades. Not a patron of his ancestors. Very©unpopular in Paris.©©LOUIS X, 1289-1316. Reopened cafe's. Introduced the taxicab.©Very popular.©©LOUIS XI, 1423-1483. Fought England, and died too soon to hear©of the discovery of the United States.©©LOUIS XII, 1462-1515. Was king when the United States were©discovered.©©LOUIS XIII, 1601-1643. Permitted Cardinal Richelieu to king for©him. Was a patron of cafe's, champagne, and Paris in general.©©LOUIS XIV, called the Grand, 1638-1715. Furniture builder,©salon decorator, wig maker, and constructor. Also assisted©Paris in acquiring her reputation. Built Versailles, the©Louvre, and Napoleon's tomb. He was the man who captured©Alsace-Lorraine from Germany. (See Napoleon III.) Motto: I am©the state. Ambition: Strauss waltzes at Versailles.©Recreation: Dancing and attending to affairs of state.©Address: Versailles.©©LOUIS XV, 1710-1774, called a Bird. He lived during the reigns©of Queens Pompadour and Du-Barry.©©LOUIS XVI, 1754-1793. A Louis who continued the traditions of©his ancestors, but--. Married Marie Antoinette. Introduced the©turkey trot and the salome dance at Versailles. While his©subjects were starving he ate pate de foies gras. They objected©and carried his White Wigginess to Paris, where he ended his©reign. Ambition: To have been any one of his ancestors, even©No. 9. Recreation: Short walks in the jail yard. Address:©Not permitted to receive letters. Epitaph: Easy Falls The Head©Which Wore A Crown.©©LOUIS XVII, 1785-1795. The only Louis who did not live long©enough to have the good times of his ancestors, and the only©Louis for whom the world has a word of sympathy.©©LOUIS XVIII, 1775-1824, called the Last. He was the Louis who©got back on the job after the dizziness of the Revolution and©Napoleon had subsided.©©LOVER, T. H. E., conqueror of worlds, architect of castles,©lunatic, and saint. Spent early days only in living. In young©manhood he met Her. From that moment all other hers he had©known became lemons. L. was an expert prevaricator. Polished©shoes, dressed neatly, shaved every day, and never ate onions.©Spent evenings at Her house. Detested gas or electric lights.©Was fond of the fireplace and hands. Quarreled occasionally.©Spent salary for theatre tickets, candy, and flowers. Walked©on air. Had a terrible time keeping away from his friends who©wanted him to have a good time. One night Her looked©wonderfully beautiful. L. said some things. He could not keep©quiet. Her blushed, permitted him to sit closer, and then told©L. he was the dearest, sweetest, finest, biggest, noblest,©bravest lovey in the wide, wide world. Later L. secured an©embarrassing interview and visited a jewelry store. Diet:©Poor. Ambition: A mother-in-law. Address: Her home. Clubs:©None. Epitaph: For Men May Come and Men May Go.©©LUTHER, Martin, a German who started competition.©©©©M©©McGINTY, a celebrated Irish diver.©©McGRAW, John J., Manager of the New York Baseball organization,©frequently used by the Philadelphia Athletics to gain the©world's championship.©©MACBETH, Lady, a royal somnambulist.©©MACKINTOSH, discoverer of a method of keeping dry outside on a©rainy day.©©MAGELLAN, the man who got into straits and straights.©©MAN, Sand, an old fellow who visits houses blessed with a©child. Only calls after supper. Tells the little one he has©played enough for the day, and sprinkles some sand in his eyes.©When M. departs the little bundle is asleep in the nursery or©all cuddled up in Mother's lap. Ambition: Sand for the older©folks.©©MANUEL, King, of England, and late of Portugal. Introduced©Parisian life into Lisbon. Was a very sweet and very wise©young man. Overlooked the fact that a king may rule a nation,©but frequently is a poor press agent. Became incensed at his©army and subjects. Moved in haste. Ambition: Lisbon and a©dancing queen. Recreation: Watch bill-boards. Address: Watch©bill-boards. Clubs: Down and Out. Epitaph: A Manuel And His©Kingdom Are Soon Parted.©©MARAT, one of the fathers of the French Revolution, who could©rule a city, but not a woman.©©MARCEL, Madame, of France. Discovered a good excuse for women©to gaze in mirrors. Also caused heartfailure on a rainy day.©©MARCONI, Guglielmo, the man who made the inventors of telegraph©poles and wires look foolish. His inventions have made it©possible for New York stock brokers to continue their business©while journeying to Paris.©©MARINER, A., traveler, albatross raiser. Gathered fame by©making a voyage with some dead ones. His feat has frequently©been duplicated on liners out of the regular tourist season.©©MARK, Saint, of Venice. Guarded the pigeons of his square and©the tourist who dwelt within his canals.©©MARTINI, manufacturer of an American before-dinner drink which©tastes too good.©©MARY, a young girl who was presented with a famous lamb. Seldom©was seen without the animal. Conveyed it to school with her©one day, thus causing considerable mirth among the pupils. Was©severely reprimanded by the teacher, as it was against the©regulations of the institution to permit animals, other than©the children, in the class-rooms. M. returned the lamb to the©stable. Her biography has been extensively published.©©MATERLINCK, a Belgian who believed the best way to get "copy"©about himself into the newspapers was to try to keep it out.©Recreation: Bluebird raising.©©MAXIM, patron saint of the American-English tourist in Paris,©who introduced New York prices into a naughty cafe. When a©young man he discovered that the tourists were not paying©enough money to see the sights. With the assistance of some©handsomely gowned women he opened a cafe on the Rue Royal where©they could. For years it was patronized by his countrymen©until they were ruined. Later only royalty and tourists were©permitted to enter and form a mistaken idea of the real French©cafe, pay double prices for everything, see a few chorus girls,©hear champagne bottles, and talk to English-speaking waiters.©Ambition: Americans. Recreation: Staying at home. Press©Agent: The Merry Widow and the Girl from Maxims. Epitaph:©Honi Soit Qui Mal y Pense.©©MAXIM, no relation of the above, as he only manufactured things©to kill people, and not to financially ruin them.©©MEDICI, Katie, an Italian French woman whose past was uncovered©by those historians. Was fond of poison, but did not care for©Methodists or Presbyterians.©©MEDUSA, a celebrated ancient who had the delirium tremens in an©acute stage.©©MELLIN, he was the man who tried to cheat the baby out of the©bottle.©©MENDELSSOHN, wrote a tune which is usually played when a man©goes to his fate.©©MENNEN, the manufacturer of a baby and good complexion©perquisite. Nothing like it for your face after shaving. His©picture has been widely distributed, but never admired.©©MERCURY, errand boy for the gods. Wore a pair of winged feet©and feathers in his hat. Was also an artist's model.©Ambition: A telegraph. Recreation: Same as the gods.©Address: General delivery.©©METHUSELAH, an ancient who was not like one in a thousand.©©MICHEL, Saint, he kicked the devil out of paradise, and was©instantly made the patron saint of France.©©MIKE, Pat's partner (see Pat).©©MILTON, John, wrote a Dante book, the title of which is known©by everybody and the contents by few.©©MOET and CHANDON, two competitors of Mr. Mumm who did much to©bring the price of champagne to within the reach of©millionaires.©©MOHAMMED, inventor of the harem, and the man who introduced©mormonism into Arabia. (See B. Young.) Also manufactured©crescents, religion, and made Mecca the mecca for everything.©Early life spent in business. This did not pay. He then©married a widow and retired. Took up religion as a hobby.©Became a professional. Found the sword was mightier than his©kin. His salvation army was successful. His prisoners were©given the alternative of a finely tempered, beauti-fully inlaid©damascus blade or Islam. They always became fervently©religious. Later M. embarked on a marrying campaign with equal©success. Publications: The Koran, a treatise on everything.©Ambition: The crescent on every flag. Recreation: Walking©toward mountains; stroking his beard. Address: 23 Blvd. Allah,©Mecca, Arabia. Epitaph: A Man's Works Take After Him.©©MOLIERE, Jean B. P., a French author who wrote a few plays we©do not have to see alone.©©MONROE, James, the founder of a doctrine, the practicability of©which nations desire to learn, and yet do not wish to make the©test.©©MORSE, Samuel G., an inventor who might have used his talents©in other lines had Marconi lived before his time.©©MOSES, whose whereabouts in the dark has puzzled all©generations. Born in the bullrushes of Egypt. Entered politics©as the son of Pharaoh's daughter and the leader of the Ghetto.©When M. waxed astute, after the manner of his people, he©discovered there were not sufficient shekels for himself and©countrymen in the land of Egypt. He pleaded and plagued the©king for permission to close the pawn shops and clothing©stores. Now in those days the children of Egypt were wont to©patronize the bazaars of the children of the Chosen, and©Pharaoh was wroth within himself and refused the passports. The©brave rabbi closed the kosher meat stores and took ship's©leave. Adopting an original compass, he made forced marches to©the Red Sea. Here the synagogue was overtaken by Pharaoh and©his army. M. spilled the sea on them and marched on. From this©time the journey to the Promised Land was slow. Whether this©was due to good business or sore feet history does not relate.©M. later climbed a mountain and received the ten commandments.©After breaking them he returned to camp. He died before the©journey was complete. Publications: Histories. Ambition: A©railroad from Cairo to Jerusalem. Recreation: Tennis and©camel racing. Also enjoyed tent life. Address: Care of Jewish©Legation.©©MOSES, Holy, no relation of the above. He was the fellow who©came around when you hit your finger with the hammer.©©MULLER, Maud, one of the few country girls who never went to©New York City.©©MUMM,[7] the man who made the most expensive drink on earth.©The products of his cellars are frequently purchased by persons©who cannot afford them. They form one of the principal©ingredients of a good time (see Paris).©©[7] Ed. Note: The editor is personally responsible for the©above stated facts.©©©©MUNCHAUSEN, Baron, traveler, explorer. While many of his©books, lectures, and newspaper interviews have been questioned©by scientific men, he is held in high regard due to his failure©to claim the discovery of the north pole.©©MUNYON, Doctor, an American herb doctor and optimist. Held the©theory that while there was life there was a chance to sell©some of his medicine.©©MURPHY, Charles J. See What's Who of New York City.©©©©N©©NAPOLEON, a little Frenchman who wore a big hat, a little curl©on his forehead, and whose ambitions were larger than his good©luck. Started life by placing Corsica on the map. Like all©great men, he was the dunce at school. Later he used his©masters and prize-winning chums as first-row soldiers. Entered©the army. Never succeeded as a sentry. Frequently amused©himself by taking a couple of soldiers and capturing a city or©an army between meals. The politicians in Paris saw the young©man was not without talents. They gave him a few more soldiers.©Then he went after countries. Captured Egypt, but had trouble©with one Nelson of England. N. became unpopular with his©neighbors. They all attacked him. He attacked them all. That©settled it. He ate wars. After the powers were powerless N.©scampered about Europe adding countries to France. He devoured©Germany. Went after Russia, but they made it too hot and too©cold for him. Had more trouble with that man Nelson. Became©rich and divorced. Introduced Roosevelt publicity tactics into©France and carried a third term. Started things. Began©quarreling again. At last he was cooped up in Paris, and flew©the white flag. Visited Elba. Revisited France. Started©things again. Took some veterans to Belgium. There he was met©by another Englishman by the name of Wellington who introduced©him to Waterloo. For his kindness in leaving Europe England©presented N. with a whole island, a complementary guard, and©paid all his living expenses for six years. Later N. became©responsible for one of the sights of Paris. Always carried his©right hand in the front of his coat. Ambition: A French©Nelson, England, and progeny. Recreation: Walking along the©shore. Address: Fontainbleau, Europe, and At Sea. Epitaph:©I Desire That My Ashes Shall Rest On The Banks Of The Seine©Among The Few French People I Did Not Take To War.©©NAPOLEON II. Absent.©©NAPOLEON III. He was the man who did not devour Germany.©Ambition: Rough on rats for the Kaiser and Bismarck.©Recreation: Travel. Address: Paris when the Dutchmen would©permit him. Epitaph: Here Lies A Napoleon, But No Bonaparte.©©NARCISSUS, a lover who forgot there were other girls, and pined©away into a flower and a tiresome song.©©NATION, Carrie, a window-smashing American liquor suffragette©who believed the ridiculous doctrine that all men should be©sober all the time.©©NEBUCHADNEZZAR, King, an old king whose name is blamed hard to©spell.©©NEPTUNE, boss of the seas. Has charge of the Atlantic liners,©wireless, and the seasick. Ambition: A bridge from London to©New York. Recreation: Storms. Address: Atlantic. Clubs:©Yacht.©©NERO (first name forgotten). A Roman emperor who thought©nothing burned like a good tarred Christian. Also made fire©departments a necessity in the Eternal City. Ambition: A good©show in the Colosseum. Recreation: Fiddling. Clubs: Chorus©Girls. Epitaph: For He Was A Jolly Good Fellow.©©NERO, Mrs., Nero's wife, who had considerable trouble with her©husband.©©NEWTON, Isaac, a man who was knighted for propounding the©theory that it is easier to wait under a tree for an apple to©fall than to climb after it.©©NIC, Old, a friend of everybody, no matter who turns them down.©Will stick to you clear to the end. One of those good souls©who never fails to give encouragement and grasp you by the hand©when you want to do something you know you should not do. Was©driven from home when a young man. Set up competition and©succeeded wonderfully. Organized the largest community in©existence. This is steadily growing despite considerable©opposition. N. numbers among his friends most of the great©people who ever lived. He is counting on others. Caused much©worry to mothers and wives, but seldom troubled the men.©Publications: French literature; some fine books and pictures.©Occupation: Looking for idle hands. Ambition: You.©Recreation: Theatres, cabarets, music halls, cafe's,©champagne, Mone Carlo, etc. Fond of chorus girls. Address:©Paris. N. also travels extensively. Epitaph: Ad Infinitum.©©NIMROD, the first grouse, pheasant, and deer hunter who©succeeded without the advantages of a gun, a game preserve, or©a license.©©NOAH, ship-builder, animal tamer. A fine old ancestor who had©considerable to do in preserving the race for we posterity.©When a young man he shunned the ways of young men, and never©sat in the seat of the scornful. Studied shipbuilding on the©Clyde and designed the largest floating stable on record. Made©quite a reputation as an animal collector. Took to the sea©when well advanced in years. N. was the first man to descend©Mt. Ararat without first making the ascension. Publications:©The Log of the Ark. Ambition: No more floods, or a larger©crew. Recreation: Bridge. Address: Care of the Editor.©Clubs: Yacht. Epitaph: De Profundis.©©NOBLE, A., of Norway, the inventor of the black hand and labor©union weapon. His invention also made possible the premature©discharge of dynamite and the awarding of the Noble prizes.©©©©O©©O'CONNELL, Dan, said to have been an Irishman. Probably born©in Dublin, raised in Dublin. Raised cain in Dublin. Repealed©in Dublin. Dublined in Dublin. Died in Dublin. Tradition©connects his name with the early stages of the home rule bill.©Ambition: Ireland south of Ulster. Recreation: Oratory.©Address: Dublin. Clubs: Dublin. Favorite Color: Green.©©O'GRADY, Sweet Rosie, also of Ireland, long dead, but still©bragged about.©©ORANGE, William of, also of Ireland. He was the man who made©it a crime to wear the color named after him on the seventeenth©of March. (See St. Patrick.)©©ORPHEUS, lutist. When a young man he was given a lute.©Practised in obscurity, and later appeared before large©audiences. Made several successful concert tours. Married©Eurydice. Spent a happy honeymoon. The bride did not wear©shoes. She was bitten by a serpent. She died. O. descended©to the abode of Old Nic, and charmed him with some Grecian©ragtime. Nic promised to return the lady if O. would promise©to get out of the place without looking around to see what©other respectable people were there. O. started for the door.©He heard familiar voices and rubbered. That ended the©contract, and for all the editor has been able to ascertain©Eurydice is there to this day.©©OSTLER, William, a doctor who was knighted for proposing that©all fossils should be ostlerized. Ambition: To murder the men©who got that story into print. Recreation: Medicine.©Address: Oxford. Epitaph: He Practised, But Not What He©Preached.©©OTHELLO, of Venice. Born in Morocco. Went to Venice and fell©in love with one Desdemona, an Italian girl. They were©married. Mrs. Othello lost one of her favorite handkerchiefs©and was killed by her enraged husband. Shakespeare, of©England, a writer, heard of the incident and made some money©out of it.©©©©P©©PADEREWSKI, Ignace Jan, another farewell-concert giver, who©wore long red hair, a soulful expression, insured his fingers,©and broke pianos.©©PALLAS, a Grecian goddess who was metamorphosed into a raven©perch by Poe.©©PAN, monstrosity, musical instrument maker, friend of poets.©Born half a man and half a goat. Took after the latter.©Studied music under the old masters and outfluted Apollo. Was©also a sheep fancier. Fathered fife and drum corps. Ambition:©A pair of shoes or a goat's appetite. Recreation: Hunting and©falling in love. Address: Greece. Clubs: Musical.©©PAN, Peter, a little fellow who was a delightful actress,©believed in fairies, and crowded houses in England and the©United States.©©PANKHURST, Mrs., a celebrated English woman who terrorized a©government, starved herself, smashed windows, blew up things,©and made speeches for a living. Girlhood spent in developing©muscle, pluck, and theories. She appeared before the public and©declared that the liquor traffic would be terminated when women©voted. Spent years of her life wondering why the men would not©give them the privilege. Never cared for the ministry,©although she was a very good woman. Ambition: A woman king.©"Votes for Women" in the Union Jack. Recreation: Planning the©"next." Publications: From the Cradle to the Ballot. Windows©I have Smashed. Address: London. Care Scotland Yard.©©PANKHURST, Sylvia, a little Pankhurst who helps mamma break©things.©©PANZA, Sancho, Don Quixote's interlocutor and stable boss.©©PARIS, son of the King of Tyre, who ran away with another man's©wife named Helen. A city in France has been named to do him©honor.©©PARNELL, C. S., father of the downfall of English ministries©and Ulster. Born of Irish parents. First man to successfully©explode dynamite in Parliament without being executed.©Ambition: An Ulsterless Ireland, a Conservativeless England.©Address: Close to the English ministry. Epitaph: The Bills©Men Introduced Live After Them.©©PARSIFAL, the longest-winded singer who ever stepped on an©opera stage.©©PASTEUR, Doctor, discoverer. Experimented with mad dogs until©he came to the conclusion they should be shot or chained. A©subway station in Paris has been named after him.©©PATRICK, Saint, a Scotchman who drove all the snakes out of©Ireland with the exception of those in bottles. Also©introduced the brogue and the shamrock into the Emerald Isle.©©PAT, also of Ireland. At an early age he emigrated to the©United States. There he took up the hod-carrying business.©Went on the stage and set the world laughing. He also entered©politics, captured the American police force, and, together©with his brothers in Parliament, rules Great Britain and the©United States.©©PATTI, Adelina, a singer who said au revoir but not good bye.©Epitaph: Cum Grano Salis.©©PEAR,[8] the man who names most of the London busses, and keeps©the people of England clean for a penny a week. His business is©international with the exception of Glasgow and Italy.©©[8] Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement. The editor does©not use soap.©©©©PEARY, Captain Robert E., explorer who said he reached the©north pole and convinced a few people. Was also forced to©write a book and lecture. Publications: How Dr. Cook Almost©Got Ahead of Me. Ambition: That a certain man had not made©him get all the way there the last time. Grave: The Cook©incident.©©PENN, William, a man whose picture appears on all Quaker Oats©boxes. An Englishman who left his country, bought Pennsylvania,©built the slow, old town of Philadelphia, and hung up the©American Liberty Bell.©©PERICLES, of Athens. Political boss, philosopher, and general.©Secured his reputation through brains, a voice, and a©well-oiled political machine. Started the golden age of Greece©with a loud blast of the horn of plenty.©©PETER, no relation to the following. He introduced the art of©chocolate making into Switzerland, and the art of eating it©into America. Ambition: More children and people with sweet©teeth.©©PETER, Saint, a fine old bearded saint who is an excellent©bookkeeper, and a detester of roosters. A church in Rome has©taken his name. Ambition: A new key. Recreation: Oiling©hinges. Address: Golden gates.©©PHARAOH, of Egypt. Benefactor of Moses and Joseph. Was also©the father of Pharaoh's daughter. Built a few pyramids,©cigarette factories, and made a handsome mummy.©©PHILIP II, a king of Spain who, with an armada to press his©suit, endeavored to marry a queen of England. Both the suit©and the armada were left in the bay of Biscay, and the queen an©old maid. Ambition: To the Inquisition with all Englishmen.©Motto: Faint heart never won fair lady. Address: Spain.©©PINAUD, Edward, discoverer of the only thing which would have©saved your hair.©©PINKHAM, Lydia, of vegetable compound fame. Made a fortune out©of advertisements, little boxes of pills, and women who©believed what they read.©©PIPER, Peter, famous picker of pickled peppers. Also held©accounts against many people. Caused considerable worry to his©creditors.©©PITMAN, Isaac, discovered a method of making political speakers©more careful of what they said. His invention has secured©wealthy husbands for many a pretty and poor stenographer.©©PLUTARCH, the only man who had more lives than a cat.©©PLUTO, boss of the underworld until Old Nic got on the job.©Also the manufacturer of a morning beverage.©©PLUVIUS, E., was the fellow who always made it rain when you©wanted to wear your new hat or go to a ball game.©©POE, Ed. A., an American poet who specialized in ravens and©cold chills.©©POINCAIRE, Raymond, a Frenchman who has a splendid opportunity©to get out of this book.©©POLLUX, Leda's other twin. (See Mother and Brother.)©©POLO, Marco, F. R. G. S., traveler, discoverer, and lecturer.©Began expeditions from Venice. Discovered China, Japan, and©the Orient. Returned to Venice and Doctor Cooked his neighbors.©He is supposed, however, to have visited the countries, as he©produced a pair of chop sticks, a Chinese laundry, and some©Japanese lanterns. These were accepted as proofs by the©University of Venice. Ambition: The north pole.©©POMPADOUR, Madame, coiffeur, Queen of France. Said to have©been a peach. Was a great friend of Louis XV, and helped make©the dances at Versailles a success. Ambition: Plenty of hair.©Recreation: Versailles. Address: See Louis. Clubs: Anti.©©POWELL-BADEN, Robert S., a warrior who retired from service and©invented soldiers to be shot when the next big war comes along.©©PROCRASTINATOR, T. H. E., an extinct man who believed in the©doctrine of To-morrow. He was a thief, but was never©convicted. Ancient records state he invariably had an excuse©for present inactivity, but would promise results the following©day. Was a close friend of Failure. Put off everything except©Death, and even did his best to keep him away as long as©possible. Motto: No time like the future. Ambition: To©accomplish to-morrow what the other fellow is doing to-day.©Recreation: Always before business. Address: Nobody knows.©Clubs: Many.©©PROGRESS, Pilgrim, an Englishman who made an extensive journey©encumbered with a large pack. He visited Paris, had some©hairbreadth escapes, was stuck in the mud, but finally returned©and became respectable like all other Englishmen.©©PUCCINI, Giacomo, maker of tunes and curtain calls. A musician©who did not starve, and who gave the classical name "La©Faniculla del West" to the plain "girl of the golden west."©©PULLMAN, an American who invented an expensive means of travel.©P. also is responsible for the vast fortunes acquired by©porters.©©PUNCH, husband of Judy, and a great favorite with the children,©even if he did beat his old wife. Led a hen-pecked life.©Traveled in several European countries and spoke all the©best-selling languages. His name has been given to a serious©London publication.©©PYTHAGORAS, a Greek who said some people would be pigs after©they were dead.©©©©Q[9]©©[9] Ed. Note: The editor apologizes for the few Q's who have©been famous.©©©©QUIETUS, Fluvius, of Rome. Always put his name to everything©when he came around.©©QUIXOTE, Don, famous knight-errant of Spain. Made some©desperate conquests for his lady-love, and was defeated by a©windmill. In all his defeats, however, he showed to the world©that a laugh cuts deeper than a sword, and that satire would©kill where a lance could not penetrate. The word quixotic is©used to his commemoration.©©©©R[10]©©[10] Ed. Note: The editor apologizes for the character of the©R's who have been famous.©©©©RALEIGH, Walt., one of the men who was permitted to hold hands©with Queen Elizabeth. His other feats were the introduction of©the pipe into England and the plug into Ireland.©©RAMESES II, an Egyptian king who went about building burial©mountains, statues to himself, and permitting cigarettes to be©named after him.©©RAPHAEL, a decorator who took paint in its raw state and made©it worth money. Filled walls, principally in Italy, with some©expensive paintings, and, like Angelo, used the Vatican as his©studio. Ambition: Churches with larger walls. Recreation:©Painting, art, and canvas weaving. Address: All galleries.©©RECAMIER, Madame, of Paris. Supplied the society column to the©newspapers. To be invited to her salon meant that you would©get plenty to eat, that you were somebody, that you would see©somebody, and that you would have to wear your Sunday clothes.©Her R. S. V. P.'s were always accepted. R. finally lost her©money, and with it her friends. Ambition: The man of the©hour. Epitaph: When She Had It She Spent It.©©REMBRANDT, Dutch painter who specialized in portraits of old©ladies and Rembrandt. Also brought considerable fame down upon©himself by filling a museum in Amsterdam with tourist-drawing©paintings.©©REMINGTON, the man who invented a typewriter at which many©pretty stenographers[11] sit.©©[11] Ed. Note: Advertisement for the stenographers, not the©machine.©©©©REVIEWER, The Book, he is the fellow who said a chef-d'oeuvre©like Who Was Who should be used for ballast.©©RHODES, Cecil, a poor boy who saved his money and purchased©South Africa.©©RHODES, Colossus of, a giant of antiquity who was not killed by©a stone. He rusted to death.©©RICHELIEU, Cardinal, the man who held down the throne for Louis©XIII, and disagreed with the Duke of Buckingham.©©RITZ, innkeeper who made hotels in which we all would like to©stop, but cannot. Ambition: Americans and English nobility.©Recreation: Visiting his hotels. Address: Ritz and Carlton.©Clubs: Does not need any.©©ROBESPIERRE, a French politician who had the opportunity of©doing to his enemies what most politicians would like to do to©theirs. Was finally voted out and down.©©ROBINSON, Jack, brother of Sam Hill. He claimed distinction©simply because some people were sufficiently clever to do©things before his name could be pronounced.©©ROCKEFELLER, John D., an American who endeavored to drive his©camel through the eye of a needle by giving advice, building©churches and colleges, and squeezing competitors. Like all©millionaires, he was born penniless. R. worked hard, helped©the missions out of his $3 a week, married, and purchased some©oil fields. He struck oil. He made it in a trust. Then he©began purchasing colleges to keep young men out of business.©As his wealth increased his stomach and hair wore out. Could©make seven people dizzy thinking of his money. Spent the©latter portion of his life dodging subpoenae servers, and©doubling his fortune by the dissolution of his business.©Ambition: More churches, colleges, and less competition. Also©another Supreme Court decision. Recreation: Golf, the©coiffeurs, and telling young men of the futility of©competition. Address: Courts and church. Clubs: Y. M. C. A.,©when he can spare the time from his legal and congressional©investigations.©©ROCKEFELLER, John D., Jr., the little Rockefeller who will have©the fun of spending it. He was a good boy, and told other©young men how fortunate they were in being born poor and all©about the fungus which grows on the root of all evil. Never©knew what a good time he could have with his Dad's coin in©Paris. Ambition: To be like father. Recreation: Sunday©school. Occupation: Forming new trusts and enlarging the old©ones. Clubs: Y. M. C.A.©©RODIN, August, a Frenchman who did his utmost to fill European©and American galleries with statues at a price which would have©made Mike Angelo a billionaire.©©ROJESVENSKY, Admiral, a great Russian admiral and sea fighter©who gloriously defeated the fishing squadron in the English©Channel. Later hit a snag in the Orient.©©ROMEO, Juliet's best fellow, who learned that his road to true©love ended in a cemetery.©©ROMULUS, Remus' twin. Collaborated with his brother in home©life and in building Rome.©©ROOSEVELT, Theodore, nom de plume, T. R., Teddy, press agent,©The Outlook, "I," traveler, teddy bear manufacturer, lecturer,©interview giver, museum collector, "ME," Guildhall orator,©dee-lighted, "MYSELF," mooser, hunter, band-wagon driver,©band-wagon, Panama canal, rough rider, circus leader, circus,©down-with-rafter, and a former retired and retiring president©of the United States. When a young man he spent his father's©money by going to college, shooting lions, and raising a large©family. During the Spanish-American War he employed a troop of©rough riders, stormed San Juan Hill, and got into the©newspapers. Made up his mind he would stay there. R. became©governor of New York State with ambitions. Being a wealthy©man, and capable of contributing to the cause of the Republican©party, he was elected vice-president of the United States. A©hand other than his own made him president. Here his newspaper©career really began. R. first opened a three-ring circus in©the White House, wore a rough rider hat, and told the country©what a great president he was. The voters believed him, and©did not object to four years more. During this administration©R. successfully advertised himself, the family, started the©Panama Canal, and appointed one William Howard Taft (see Poor©Bill) his successor. R. then traveled through Africa with a©magnificent body guard of photographers and newspaper men.©After shooting a museum-full of specimens, he toured Europe and©told the king how to king and the emperors how to emp.©Returning to the United States he placed his hand in state©politics. Fingers were badly burned. When it came time to©elect another president, R. was tired of scene shifting and©yearned for the bouquets of the audience. He girded up his©loins with the robes of sanctity, placed an international©Harvester Trust halo over his head, and proclaimed himself a©second Moses who was destined to lead the children of America©out of the Land of the Frying Pan into that of the Fire. With©a mighty army of politicians, who also wanted to get back, R.©started his campaign with such a huge band he could not hear©any others. The fight was based on telling the voters how©easily they had been deceived four years earlier in what he had©told them concerning that "molycoddle Taft." R. was elected by©the greatest majority in history until the ballots were©hatched. Later he joined the ranks of William Jennings Bryan.©Publications: The "I" books. Ambition: To get back into Who's©Who and Washington. Address: The Outlook. Oyster Bay for©newspapermen. Clubs: Founder of the Ananias. Epitaph: Same©as Bryan's.©©ROTHSCHILDS, the Morgan-Rockefellers of Europe without quite as©much money.©©ROY, Robert, a very wicked Scotchman whom we all hope will©always escape the police.©©RUBENS, P. P., an artist who realized styles frequently©changed, and therefore painted fat people without their©clothes.©©RUSSE, Charlotte, a pleasant creature, but one who sometimes©caused pain after a visit.©©RUSSIA, T. H. E., Czar of, an anti-bomb loving monarch with©modern subjects and a tenth-century brain. His childhood was©spent in a steel-lined cage, guarded by the army and the fleet.©He was crowned in a bomb-proof church by a thoroughly searched©clergyman, only the crown, the crowner, and the crowned being©present to witness the ceremony. Seldom goes about the©country, as he fears the heartfelt expressions of his subjects.©In 1908 he became mixed up with Japan. Is now economizing.©Ambition: Only life. Recreation: Dissolving Doumas. signing©death warrants. Address: Large packages are always opened by©the servants. Send letters care St. Petersburg police©department. Clubs: Army. Epitaph: It Is A Wonder He Did Not©Have This Long Ago.©©©©S©©SALOME, a celebrated dancer who could fill the largest opera©houses in the world with bald heads, opera glasses, and jealous©women. She is still in Who's Who, and probably will remain©there until arrested.©©SAM, Uncle, a tall, lean, good-natured rich man who sets paces©and spends his money. Born July 4, 1776, S. Great Britain.©Godfathered by France. Was an impetuous baby. Education:©School of experience at Washington. S. was assisted in early©life by a number of men who took an interest in him. When©thirty-six years of age he chastised his mother, but later©became on excellent terms. Went in for land and colonization©business. Succeeded. At the age of eighty-four S. suffered©from a severe attack of internal indiscretion. Recuperated©slowly. Later entered the trust-raising business, and devoted©considerable time to politics. In 1897 he spanked a European©power, but had to take care of the children after the incident.©S. is either Republican or Democratic. Favors the former,©although once in awhile he desires change. Wore a goatee, long©hair, high hat, a suit made out of the flag, smoked cigarettes,©had bad manners, and used much slang. Publications: Bank©notes. Ambition: Another Republican president. Address:©Washington, D. C., U. S. A. Epitaph: (If he ever gets one he©deserves it.)©©SAMSON, exponent of hair restorer and an iconoclast. When a©young man he rehearsed his muscles until he could break a chain©and lift a fat lady. Entered the army. Was successful until©he became bald. Committed suicide by pushing a temple on©himself.©©SANDOW, a pupil of the above, vaudeville star and coin©collector. One of those individuals whom nature has endowed©with a magnificent body, and sufficient brains to make money©with it.©©SANTOS-DUMONT, a pre-Zeppelin-Wright air investigator who had©enough money and sense to quit before people remarked how©natural he looked.©©SAVONAROLA, a reformer of Florence, Italy, who succeeded in©closing the cafe's, theatres, and dance halls. He was popular©with the masses until election day. When the opposition©returned they made it hot for him.©©SAWYER, Thomas, a plain American boy who was rescued from©obscurity by Mark Twain, and became a good salesman.©©SCHLITZ, press agent of Milwaukee, U. S. A., who was successful©in advertising himself and his town. In England he is©Schwepps.©©SCHOPENHAUER, father of race suicide. Lionized by the French©Republic and T. R. Ambition: Empty cribs. Recreation: Trips©with his wife and children. Clubs: Mother's.©©SCOTS, Mary Queen of, a Scotch lady who is said to have been©beautiful, who fell in love, and was one of the few women whose©less attractive sister got the better of her.©©SCOTT, Walter, a Scotchman who secured fame without adopting©the national characteristics. His critics claim this was the©reason he failed in business. Wrote some books which are read©by students and persons possessing much time.©©SEBASTIAN, Saint, the Italian who was shot with arrows and ran©second to the apostles in the number of his portraits exhibited©in European galleries.©©SEIDLITZ, powder manufacturer.©©SEVILLE, Barber of, a celebrated tonsorial artist who©introduced the marcel wave and the Gillette razor into Spain.©©SHACKLETON, Ernest, another pole explorer. He was saved the©ignominy of reaching the desired point by the shortness of©rations, but he was near enough to become a profitable author©and lecturer.©©SHAKESPEARE, William, the man who was born at©Stratford-on-Avon. When a young man he amused himself by©poaching, visiting the Hathaway cottage, and being the village©pest. Married the inmate of the cottage and went to London, a©city in England. S. became an apprentice actor, and was said©to have been nearly as bad an actor as his contemporaries. His©fame later arose due to his growing popularity. He died. S.'s©birthplace is now one of the tourist sights of the world. More©post-cards are sent from this town than from any of its size in©Europe. The church where he lies buried has an immense©floating congregation. S. also shared honors with one Bacon©for writing a few plays. Ambition: Present-day prices in©Elizabethan theatres. Recreation: Rehearsals. Address: The©World. Epitaph: (Has been obliterated.)©©SHAMPOO, a barber of Shoo Poo, China, who introduced the art of©clean heads into the Celestial Empire. This has since fallen©into disrepute in that country, but is sometimes practiced in©other lands.©©SHAW, G. Bernard, grouch, truth teller. An English writer who©made money by being honest enough to tell people what they©knew. S.'s enemies claim he would have to work should his©theories be put into practice. Believes in socialism and wants©everything. Author of considerable sarcasm, wit, and divided©opinion as to his talents. Ambition: An Americanless England.©Also, sales. Address: Watch bill-boards.©©SHEBA, Queen of, an ancient mere woman who matched her brains©against the brainiest man who ever lived. She lost.©©SHEM, Noah's heir. Was first officer of the Ark.©©SHERMAN, General, secured his fame by marching to the sea and©giving a terse definition of war.©©SHERRY, proprietor of a New York restaurant where a person©feels wealthy while at the table and poor afterward.©©SHOE, Old Woman of the, one of those anti-race-suicide mothers©whose family caused considerable worry. Ambition: A better©job for her husband. Address: Shoe. Clubs: She did not have©time for any, and thus could not be a suffragette.©©SHUSTER, Morgan, an American child who attempted to play the©diplomatic game in Persia with grown ups. Was spanked and sent©home. Occupation: Crying. Ambition: Ambassador to a country©without diplomats. Address: Home.©©SHYLOCK. See New York City business directory.©©SIMON, Simple, epicurean. Passed an uneventful life with the©exception of an encounter with a confectioner near the fair©grounds. The man operated his business on a cash basis. Simon©was broke and no sale was consummated.©©SINBAD, an old tar whose yarns are still on the distaff.©©SISTERS, Seven Sutherland, a noted family who held out©salvation for the bald and envy to women.©©SMITH, John, the bravest man who ever lived. Smith ate the©first lobster.©©SMITH, John, secured his renown for living in every city in the©world.©©SOCRATES. He helped introduce brains into Greece. Committed©suicide.©©SOLOMON, King, author, musician, builder, benedict. An old©Mormon who established a record for wearing wedding clothes.©When a child he developed a Boston brain. This grew as the©years advanced. At a tender age he began acquiring©mothers-in-law. This caused his subjects to doubt his acumen.©S. thoroughly vindicated himself, and set about building a city©and a big church to hold his family. Wrote a number of popular©songs. His proverbs also had a big sale. Ambition: Just one©more wife and an end to those quarrels in the harem.©Recreations: Picnics with the family. Also was fond of the©phonograph. Address: Care the Mrss. Solomon. Epitaph: Here©Lies The Original Man Who Knew It All.©©SON, Prodigal, tourist, oat sower, and herdsman. Son of©wealthy parents. Became tired of home and desired to travel.©Visited foreign lands and had a jolly good time. His letter of©credit expired. Friends were never at home after the event.©S. had to work. Later he took a bath and walked home. Father©was delighted and gave a banquet in his honor. Unpopular with©his brother. Career: Wild. Satisfaction: Saw something of©life. Address: Home.©©SOUSA, John P., American bandmaster who wrote books and shot©pigeons between march compositions.©©SPENCER, Herbert, a scientist who believed the human race©degenerated from monkeys, and established the theory that only©the survivors are the fittest.©©SUFFRAGETTE, T. H. E., a woman who lived years ago in Great©Britain and the United States, who believed that noble man was©incompetent, incomplete, incompatible, incongruent,©inconsistent, and an incubus in his incurious incumbency. She©was the daughter of Too Much Time and Too Much Money. Early©days spent at home. She married and began her career. S.'s©first weakness was a club. Then she fell to the level of a©speech maker and a flag carrier. The fanatical desire to see©her name in print led to the adoption of strenuous press-agent©tactics. She died fighting. Ambition: To offset her husband's©vote on election day. Recreation: Parading, windows, bombs,©letter boxes, English ministries, and a string of etcs.©Epitaph: Requiescat In Pace. (Also see Mrs. Pankhurst and©Hope.)©©SUFFRAGETTE, T. H. E. Anti-, still lives, but is dying fast.©Belongs to the moss-back half of femininity. Has serious©objection to use of her head, except for decorative purposes.©Was not averse to press notices and looked with envy on the©achievements of the suffragettes in this direction. Being©denied high office in their ranks because of lack of adequate©cerebration, she set up a rival organization where brains were©not requisite. Entertains the utterly absurd idea that all©women, except herself, belong at home with their husbands and©children. Where they belong in the absence of these, deponent©sayeth not. Ambition: Continued parasitic existence.©Recreation: Manufacturing evidence and tagging on behind.©Address: Wherever there are suffrage meetings. Epitaph: Alas!©The World Does Move And She Was "Agin It."©©SULZER, William, the kettle who called Murphy black. Also the©governor of New York who enjoyed the unprecedented honor of©retiring from office in order that he might be considered a©progressive. Motto: Be sure your sins will get you out.©Ambition: To be a martyr to the claws. Diet: Tigers.©Epitaph: You May Air, You May Perfume Your Clothes As You©Will, But The Smell Of Impeachment Will Cling To You Still.©©©©T©©TAFT, William Howard, a former fat, and last Republican,©president of the United States who worshipped the trusts, the©Constitution, the Supreme Court, and Theodore Roosevelt. The©love he bore the latter resulted in his election. The two©brothers quarreled because Bill would not step aside and let©Teddy run things all over again. The two brothers fought and©another ran away with the election. Principal events during©T.'s administration: Roosevelt's trip, The Outlook, Oyster Bay,©Standard Oil, That election. Ambition: 1916. Recreation:©Golf, messages to Congress. Address: Cincinnati, O. Epitaph:©How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth It Is To Have A Thankless©Predecessor.©©TANGLEFOOT, he was the man who first stuck flies on flypaper.©©TANGUWAY, Eva, an actress who did not care even if those on the©front row did.©©TENNYSON, Lord, an English poet who turned a perpetual light on©a charging brigade.©©TERRY, Ellen, a dear old lady whom the world wishes the©footlights might always shine upon and upon whom the curtain©would never descend.©©THAW, Harry K., famous lawyer endower. Entered life as the©rich son of a wealthy father. Became interested in the stage©at an early age, but only got as far as the chorus. Later©performed on a New York roof garden. Alienists say he was the©sanest crazy man and the craziest sane man who ever lived.©Also obtained some publicity by expensive exploring in Canada©and New Hampshire. Ambition: Wreaths for Jerome. Recreation:©Straightening jackets. Address: See this morning's paper.©©THEMISTOCLES, a Greek warrior who fought, but did not run a©marathon.©©THIRD, Richard the, a king of England who showed how much he©thought of the country by offering to exchange it for any kind©of a horse.©©THUMB, Thomas, a white pygmy who enriched himself through his©misfortunes and the curiosity of the world.©©TIBERIUS, just a Roman emperor who fitted the job.©©TIFFANY,[12] of New York City, London, and Paris. Introduced©high prices into the jewelry business. Greatly admired by©fiance's and millionaires. Has gained considerable fame, as©his products will pawn on a good margin. Ambition: A man in©love.©©[12] Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement, as the editor is©not an actress.©©©©TIME, Father, a very old man who has been introduced to©everybody. Very unpopular with the ladies. A great wound and©sorrow healer, but unkind to the old. He went about the world©changing babies into men and women, and placing gray hair and©wrinkles where they were never wanted. Author: Of tears.©Recreation: Reaping. Address: Your home. Epitaph: Ad Finem.©©TINTORETTO, a Venetian painting manufacturer. Together with P.©P. Rubens he held the record for covering canvas and wearing©out brushes. Recreation: He never had any.©©TITIAN, another painter of Venice. His works have always been©popular with the men. They are exhibited in all European©galleries, and cause consternation among clergymen and school©teachers. T. certainly could paint. Ambition: Models.©Recreation: Models.©©TOLSTOY, a voice out of the dark.©©TOM. (See Richard and Harry.)©©TOM, Uncle, an old negro actor who appeared in every city,©town, village, and hamlet in the United States north of the©Confederate States. His history was written by Mrs. H. B.©Stowe, and was the match which kindled the Civil War. The©Northerners have since learned that all negroes are not Uncle©Toms, and are wondering whether any mistakes were made back in©1861.©©TOURISTS, T. H. E., a man and woman who carried a camera,©bought post-cards, read Baedekers, visited Cook's office, rode©in carriages, and then told their friends all about the trip.©Ambition: Just one look at everything. Address: Principally©Europe. Epitaph: They Came, They Saw, They Vanished.©©TROY, Helen of, a peach of a girl who eloped with a man and©caused the longest siege in history to make her elope back©again.©©TURNER, J. M. W., an English painter whose paint exploded on©canvas.©©TWAIN, Mark, an American who wore long white hair, made©after-dinner speeches, received university degrees, and made©people laugh.©©TWINS, Siamese, two men who were closer than brothers.©©TWIST, Oliver, one of those unfortunates whose history had to©be divulged for the financial gain of a great writer and many©theatrical mangers.©©©©U©©UFFIZI, an Italian who prevented scores of the old masters from©starving to death by filling his house in Florence with their©canvases. Since the Morgan art raid the market price has©advanced and U.'s investment has become profitable.©©ULYSSES, warrior, inventor, and traveler. Sprang into fame at©the siege of Troy, where he invented the horse which recaptured©Helen. Escaped from Polyphemus, a one-eyed giant, by sticking©a burning telegraph pole in his eye. Later performed his©greatest feat by evading the Sirens. Stayed away from home so©much his wife forgot what he looked like. His dog, however,©recalled the scent and prevented U. from sleeping in the barn.©Press Agent: Homer. Recreation: Travel, wars. Address:©Ithaca.©©UNDERWOOD, Oscar, known as Underwood Bill. A gentleman from©Alabama who walked in a presidential, but ran in a senatorial,©race. He had something to do with the high cost of tariffing.©©UNKNOWN, the man who painted thousands of pictures in art©galleries.©©©©V©©VALESQUEZ, Spanish canvas coverer. In the absence of the©camera, he was appointed the court oil photographer. Exposed a©portrait of Philip IV in every gallery in the world. Art©textbooks think a great deal of V.©©VANDERBILT, an American family of means who possess a few©railroads, much of New York City, some splendid divorces, and a©weakness for Newport and newspapers.©©VAN DYKE, beard inventor and artist. A Dutchman who invaded©England with portraits and his tonsorial achievement.©©VAN HOUTEN. He was the man who put cocoa in tin boxes.©©VENUS, a dream of a girl who lived long ago, posed for her©statue, and had to die after everybody fell in love with her.©Was born and painted at sea. Married at an early age. Was a©regular heart breaker. V. had an affair with one Adonis, and©later with Vulcan. Not much is known of her old-ladyhood, as©she refused to pose for statues when advanced in years.©Ambition: Parisian gowns, the love of the gods. Recreation:©Love. Address: The Louvre, Paris. The Uffizi Gallery,©Florence. Clubs: She was too good looking to be a©suffragette.©©VERSONNESE, Paul, decorator of the Doges Palace, Venice, and©contributor to most galleries. His work was nearly as prolific©as Reubens, and two or three of his paintings compare favorably©with the naughty Titian.©©VESPASIAN, the man who built the colosseum in Rome for the©tourists.©©VESPUCCI, A., an enterprising journalist who arrived on the©scene after the discovery had been made. V. wrote the story in©such a clever manner he succeeded in cheating the discoverer©out of naming the place. (See Columbus.)©©VICTOR, he was the man who put the fox terrier in front of the©talking machine.©©VINCI, Leonardo Da, painted Mona Lisa for the Louvre, Paris.©His reputation has soared in proportion to the duration of her©absence. Ambition: To be the Morgan family painter.©Recreation: Looking for purchasers. Epitaph: He Has Finished©His Last Supper.©©VIRGIL, an old text-book writer. Had something to do with the©AEneid.©©VIRGIN, Vestal, an old maid of Rome who was locked up in the©forum for protection. She attended the gladiatorial contests©and played with her thumbs.©©VITUS, Saint, dancing master whose repertoire did not include©the turkey trot.©©VOLTAIRE, a Frenchman who went around with a bad taste in his©mouth.©©VULCAN, fireman and tinsmith. Made a number of celebrated©forgings. Had a career like the ancients and fell in love with©Venus.©©©© W©©WAGNER, Dick, a Dutchman who wrote a few sheets of music, went©into the opera business, but died before the good singers or©Hammerstein prices appeared.©©WALKER, Johnnie, 1820. Spent most of his life at your favorite©bar until you appeared.©©WALTON, Isaac, he was the fellow who started those awful fish©stories.©©WASHINGTON, George, child model, father, etc. Spent early days©chopping trees, holding conversations with his father, killing©Indians, and being brave. Later he drove those tea-selling©Englishmen from the United States, said farewell to his troops,©and became a politician. W. decided he was not good enough for©a third term and retired. His picture has been widely©distributed. Ambition: To be the happy father of a big Uncle©Sam. Recreation: Powdering his wig. Address: Washington.©Clubs: Anti-Ananias.©©WASHINGTON, Booker T., only a distant relation of the above. A©big black man who went about the country raising money to put©brains into ivory. He also told his audience how unfortunate©they were in not being coons. (See Uncle Tom.)©©WATSON, Doctor. He boswelled Sherlock Holmes.©©WEBSTER, Dan., an American statesman and a member of Congress©before the invention of investigating committees. He died©famous.©©WEBSTER, Noah, speller, writer, reference-book maker, and©language itemizer. W. was the man to whom Mark Twain paid a©glowing tribute by saying he was a great writer, but his©stories were too short.©©WELLINGTON, Duke of, an Englishman who taught a great French©general to say "Tout est perdu." He later taught England that©many a good soldier makes a poor politician.©©WHITEHEAD, of Fiume, Austria. Mission in life was to reduce©the size of dreadnaughts.©©WHITTINGTON, Richard, proprietor of a celebrated back-fence©walker.©©WIDOW, Merry, a dream who hung around Mr. Maxim's restaurant in©Paris, made love to nobility, toured the world, and finally©died. Death was caused by overexertion. Before the war she©was engaged to a Balkan prince. W. visited New York, London,©and Paris. Everybody fell in love with her and whistled her©praises. Past: (?) Press Agent: Frank Lehar. Ambition:©Millionaires. Recreation: After 11.45 P. M. Epitaph: When©Will There Be Another Like Her?©©WIGGS, Mrs., a woman who successfully advertised cabbages.©©WILLIAMS. He was the man who ruined the shaving-mug business.©©WILSON, Puddin' Head, a young lawyer who was fathered by Mark©Twain. No relation to the following.©©WILSON, Woodrow, one time president of an American football,©educational institution, who outgrew his job. He moved up to©be governor, made a few cure-all speeches, introduced Roosevelt©to Bryan, changed his address to Washington. Took out a©watchful, waiting policy. Is now in Who's Who, but whether he©will remain in that publication or this one cannot be©determined at the time of going to press. Ambition: To keep©Roosevelt and Bryan running. Recreation: Teaching, Browning,©other brain exercises, thinking, Congress. Address:©Washington, care Joseph Tumulty. Clubs: Pedagogue, Mexican.©©WINSLOW, Mrs., known over the world as the lady who soothes the©baby's little tummie.©©WONDERLAND, Alice of, traveless discoveress. Made a lady of©the Royal Geographical Society. She was a great favorite of©the children and many grown ups. She always will remain a©Who's Whoess.©©WOOLSEY, Cardinal, a churchman who combined politics with his©profession, became wealthy, unfortunate, and was finally©written up by Shakespeare.©©WRIGHT, Orville, one of the inventors of the aeroplane who©knows the inside of the business, and believes one life on the©ground is worth two in the air.©©©©X[13]©©[13] Ed. Note: The editor is again compelled to apologize for©the X's.©©©©XENOPHON, a Greek who endeavored to introduce morals into his©country. He died young.©©XYLOPHONES, inventor of the xylophone.©©©©Y©©YALE, Eli, founder of the enemy of Harvard and Princeton.©Football, pipe, and bulldog fancier.©©YORICK, an acquaintance of Hamlet who was recognized even in an©emaciated condition.©©YOUNG, Brigham, the man who introduced Mohammedanism into the©United States and placed Utah on the flag. When a young man he©became a strong anti-monogamist. Moved west with his wives.©Utah increased in population and was admitted as a state.©After building a great temple, dedicated to Hymen, he died,©leaving a considerable family and a few widows. Heirs: See©Utah census. Ambition: London and New York in Utah. Address:©Utah. Clubs: Race Suicide. Epitaph: Like Father, Like Son.©©©©Z©©ZANGWELL, Israel, a child of the Ghetto who believed the pen©was more profitable than the pack. Ambition: The Promised©Utopia. Recreation: Zangwell plays. Address: The Ghetto.©Clubs: A. O. H.©©ZANY, A., the book reviewer who said Who Was Who was the©greatest book ever written.©©ZEPPELIN, Ferdinand, manufacturer of wrecked dirigibles, and an©aeronaut who knew how to land. Insurance still in vogue.©Ambition: The elevation of the German army. Recreation:©Aeronautics with the Kaiser. Address: Air. Clubs: Aero.©©ZOROASTER. He was the man who introduced fires into warm©countries.©He also thanks the readers in the name of the Editor for their©kind attention.©©©©©©The Project Gutenberg Etext of Who Was Who: 5000 B. C. to Date©©©©©NOTE©©THE editor begs leave to inform the public that only persons©who can produce proper evidence of their demise will be©admitted to Who Was Who. Press Agent notices or complimentary©comments are absolutely excluded, and those offering to pay for©the insertion of names will be prosecuted. As persons become©eligible they will be included without solicitation, while the©pages will be expurgated of others should good luck warrant.©©Who Was Who contains over 500 biographies of those who did or©endeavored to become famous. In a work of such magnitude©errors occasionally occur. Should this be the case, the editor©will be glad to receive corrections from the ex-celebrities or©their enemies. These will be accepted gratis. Proofs will be©sent to all subscribers. Members of the family will be able to©order the coming editions in advance by applying and remitting©to the publisher.©©The work is fully protected by the libel laws of the United©States and Great Britain. Under no circumstance will duels be©fought.©©The editor wishes to express his thanks to those who have©furnished material for this book. He also trusts they will©show their good feeling by purchasing a copy, and that all the©unfortunates will speedily be returned to Who's Who. THE©EDITOR.©©ABBREVIATIONS©©A1.......... Can open charge account.©A. B........ Four years hard sentence.©A. M........ When we get up.©Cit......... Common people.©C. O. D..... No credit.©Cong........ A Washington organization used for social and© investigation purposes.©D. D........ Be careful of your jokes.©Dem......... Politicians who get in office, once in awhile.©D. H........ Pull.©D. T........ Delirium tremens.©Ets......... The rest of us.©F. R. A..... Brains.©F. R. G. S.. People who do not stay at home.©G. O. P..... Hic jacet.©Hon......... Speaker of the occasion.©H. R. H..... Chief advertiser for cigarettes, mustard and kid© gloves.©I........... Roosevelt.©Incog....... Prominent men in Paris.©IOU......... Hard luck.©Ire......... Mother of politicians.©LL. D....... American millionaires.©M. P........ Home rule debaters.©Parl........ Where the M. P.s debate.©P. M........ When we go to bed.©R. A........ Any kind of a painter but a cubist.©Rep......... See G. O. P.©R. I. P..... See following pages.©Sir......... Writers and tea merchants.©U. S. A..... Bryan