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Lostfavor of the proprietor of the garden, and failed in business.A. started a number of things which have not been perfected.Diet:  Fond of apples.  Recreation:  Chess, agriculture.Address:  Eden, General Delivery.  Clubs:  Member of allexclusive clubs.[1] Ed.  Note:  Adam should not be first, but he is given thatposition out of respect.ABEL, son of the above.  Spent early days in the Garden of Edenwith his parents, and later traveled with them. Conducted asheep raising business.  Finally had a row with his brother,and was knocked out in the first round.ABRUSSI, Prince Luigi Amedeo Guiseppe Maria FerdinandoFrancesco, of the Italian nobility.  Spent the greater portionof his life taking care of his name, climbing mountains,fighting Turks, and denying rumors regarding his marriage.ACHILLES (first name unknown), a baby whose mother gave him abath, but forgot to wash all of his feet.  Later was veteran ofthe siege of Troy.  Died before receiving pension.AESOP, novelist, nature faker.  Little is known of hischildhood except that he was fond of dogs and played with thecat. Later he made animals his life's study.  A. discovered thezoological principal that a turtle can run faster than arabbit, and that foxes never eat sour grapes.  Publications:Fables; the book has had a good sale.  Address:  Greece.Clubs:  Zoological Societies.ALADDIN, of Somewhere.  An ancient who possessed a lamp and agenii with which he could secure anything an Americanmillionaire or actress can now purchase.ANGELO, Michael, painter and sculptor of no mean ability. Born inItaly, but named after Irish relatives.  At school he showedhis talents by making cartoons of the teachers. These wereunappreciated.  Moved to Florence, where he bought somechisels, brushes, and saw his first model.  A. remained abachelor.  Later he moved to Rome, and began a brilliantchurch-decorating career.  Secured permission of the Pope togive an exhibition in the Vatican.  This was finally madepermanent.  Also made a fortune erecting tomb-stones for theMedici family, leading politicians of his time. It is difficultto leave Italy without seeing much of his work.  A. neverfavored the cubists or post-impressionists. Recreations:Painting, sculpture.  Address:  Rome.ANTOINETTE, Marie, wife of Louis No. 15, who assisted herhusband to spend the French taxes.  Was also a practical joker,her humor terminating at Versailles when she advised a mob toeat cake during a bread famine.  Her wit was unappreciated.Ambition:  Anything but October 16, 1791.  Recreation:Versailles; looking through a grated window.  Address:Versailles.  Later:  Consiergerie, Paris.APOLLO, a handsome ancient who fell in love, posed for hisstatues, patronized music and poetry, and, finally, had a tablewater named in his honor.  Career:  See longer and lessrespectable biographies.  A. was the first person to sing tothe accompaniment of a musical instrument, but he was a goodsinger.  Ambition:  Paris.  Recreation:  Music, travel,archery.  Address:  Greece.  Clubs:  Athletic, musical.ARC, Joan of, celebrated French suffragette.  Spent girlhoodmilking cows and embroidering.  When the English ministry beganoperations in France J. dropped her embroidery in the milkbucket and began suffragetting.  She did not break windows orblow up anything. Gathered a host of males about her andcaptured towns.  English exited. J. went back to the cow, butagain had to take to the armor. She was finally jailed, andburnt up by the Radical ministry. She burned an old maid.Recreation:  Barn dances, churning. Clubs:  OrleansSuffragette.ARISTOTLE.  Introduced brains into Greece.ARMOUR, a Chicago family who keep the world supplied with meat,and themselves out of the government jails.ARNOLD, Benedict, a man who sent his name down through historywith a bad odor attached to it.ARTHUR, King, a very dead English sovereign who manufacturedthe Round Table, and did all the things a good English kingshould do. Little is known of his Prince of Waleshood.  Wascrowned in Westminster Abbey, but without the Americancontingent.  Became proficient as a knight. Stayed away fromthe palace so much his queen began flirting. Al's sword was awonder.  Press Agent:  Lord Tennyson. recreation:  Grailing.Address:  Windsor, Buckingham.ASQUITH, Herbert Henry, an Englishman who helped run things inhis country before 1908, and who ran things after 1908. Wasalso a favorite rallying point for suffragettes.  Led asuccessful wing-dipping expedition against some of hiscountrymen who held titles to names and property.  Also juggleddynamite in Parliament (see Lloyd-George). Ambition:  Womenwithout ambitions. Recreation:  Dodging, golf.  Address:Constantly in danger of a change.  Clubs:  Favored Radical.ATKINS, Thomas, celebrated red-coat-wearing dandy who flirtswith nurses and cooks, spends his time boasting about SouthAfrica and the U. S. A., posing for motion pictures, andexhibiting royalty. Authorities differ as to his marksmanship,although it is now conceded he can often hit a man-sized targetat the distance of 4 feet 3 inches. Weather, however, must beclear.  Is an authority on creases, backbone, accent, and tea.Beverage:  Everything.  Recreation: Jacks, collecting stamps,Kipling, blindman's-buff, parlor tricks, May-pole festivities.Ambition:  Tortoise-shell monocles, camp manacurists, pocketbath-tubs, and restoration of the tea canteen.  Epitaph:  SeeEmperor William.ATLAS, a man who held up the heavens and was not even apreacher. Edited a huge book which bears his name.AURELIUS, Marcus, one of the few Romans who is not rememberedfor crossing a river, for being murdered, for murderingsomebody, for making speeches, or building triumphant arches orruins.BBABY, T. H. E., an unscrupulous tyrant, s. father and mother.His first appearance caused heaven at home, and an idioticfather. Education:  At home.  Career:  A series of adventures.Was frequently ill, a poor sleeper, toy demolisher, throatexerciser, nurse distractor, and a general nuisance.  Despitehis shortcomings he ruled Home with an iron hand--a tear causeda doctor-- a smile meant a gold mine.  Diet:  Principallyliquid. Ambition:  The moon.  Recreation:  Coaching, hairpulling, a proud father.  Address:  See Mother.BACCHUS, patron saint of most men, benefactor, a jolly goodfellow, and the founder of the "morning after" feeling.Studied vine raising when a young man.  Discovered that grapeswere not intended for a food. Invented the greatest pleasureand pain giver the world has ever seen. Became a traveler.Introduced ale and stout in England, whiskey in Scotland,everything in Ireland, cocktails and patent medicines in theUnited States, beer in Germany, champagne in France, absinthein France, and vodka in Russia.  Career:  Magnificent.Recreation:  Paris.  Address:  Greece.  Clubs:  All, except W.C. T. U.  Epitaph:  He Will Live In The Throats Of HisCountrymen.BACON, Francis, either wrote or did not write Shakespeare.BAEDEKER, Karl, one of the most versatile men who ever lived.Childhood and old age unknown.  Formed an ambition to travelwhen quite young.  First visited Switzerland, where he climbedevery peak, walked every path, hired every guide, and dideverything a tourist should so. His field of travel wideneduntil every country in Europe was visited, as well as theUnited States, Canada, Alaska, and Mexico.  In these lands heslept in every hotel, ate every dish in every restaurant, drankevery wine, rode on every boat, tramway, subway, and train;visited every ruin, museum, art gallery, church, store;mastered every language, science, art, literature, custom,history, and drew maps and plans of everything.  Publications:Baedekers.  Recreation:  Staying at home.  Ambition:  Tourists.Residence:  Germany.BALFOUR, Arthur James, of England, one time leader of thetalking forces of the House of Commons.  Ambition:  Oppositionseats on both sides of the house, and an epitaph over the homerule bill.  Recreation:  St. Andrew's golf and writing deepbooks.BALZAC, H., a Frenchman who wrote a few Parisian stories whichmay be discussed in respectable company.BARBAROSSA, Kaiser, the only emperor of Germany who ever wentto sleep.BARKIS.  Fame rested only upon his complete willingness.BARLEYCORN, John, an eminent citizen of the world. Spent earlydays in the fields, breweries, and distilleries. Later residedin cellars.  John had a red nose. Was a great friend ofBacchus.  He was a "wasser," he is an "iser," and he will be a"will be-er." Ambition:  The end of temperance societies.BARNUM, Phineas T., fathered the introduction of the peanut,the clown, and the beautiful bareback riders.  As a side showhe taught that some Americans were Progressives part of thetime; that other Americans were Republicans all the time, butthat all Americans were not Democrats all the time.BARRY, Madame Du, writers' model, former queen of France.  Wasa great friend of Louis XV. and helped make the dances atVersailles a success. She always preferred marcel waves topompadours.  Ambition:  To have and to hold.  Address:  SeeLouis.  Clubs:  Anti-suffragette.BARTHOLOMEW, an unfortunate saint who was skinned alive. Patronof gold mine investors and American tourists in Europe.BEARD, Blue, inventor of an original method to dispose ofwives, before Reno was discovered.BEATRICE, a Florentine girl who gained fame by refusing thesuit of a love-sick poet.  Later she conducted him throughheaven, and made arrangements for his travels in the otherplace.  B. died a famous old maid.  Ambition:  A lover withmoney. Epitaph:  She Might Have Been Mrs. Dante Had She WantedTo.BEECHAM, a celebrated pill roller.BELL, Alexander Graham, inventor of a well-known necessity andnuisance. Started the saying, "Number, please."BELSHAZZAR, an old king whose handwriting on the wall proved tobe correct.BENEDICT, Saint, the man who introduced benedictine and monksinto Europe.  Also gave his name to benedicts.BERLITZ, the man who will teach you how to say it ineverything.BERNHARDT, Sarah, an ancient French actress.  Sarah was bornbefore birth records were inaugurated, and no historian hasbeen able to determine her age.  Career:  On the stage at fourmonths. During her young-woman and goodlooking days-hood B. issaid to have made a hit with European nobility.  In herdeclining years she made a few other fortunes in the UnitedStates.  B.'s fame culminated in having several cigars,perfumes, perspiration powders, and a theatre named after her.Ambition:  The fountain of youth.  Recreation:  Statuary,acting.  Address:  Private cars and 56 Blvd. Pereire, Paris.She also has a telephone.BILL, Buffalo, alias W. F. Cody, the delight of the Americanboy. He began his career shooting buffaloes and Indians on theplains of the West, and ended it shooting glass balls for afortune in a tent. Installed the I-want-to-be-a-cow-boyambition in the hearts of young America.  He also made a goateeand a big hat famous. Played the show market a little too long.BILLIKEN, a funny little fellow who did not wear many clothes,and made people laugh.BISMARCK, a German who was a greater politician than anyIreland has ever produced.  He built an empire, crowned anemperor, changed the Frenchmen in Alsace-Lorraine intoDutchmen, and made the Paris mint work overtime for hiscountry. Quite unpopular in France.  Ambition:  Made inGermany.BLACKSTONE, a rock upon which many a legal ship has foundered.BLERIOT, benefactor of humanity, idol of the tourist, and enemyof navigation.  B. discovered a method of crossing the EnglishChannel without being seasick.BLUCHER, a Dutchman who was on the job at Waterloo.  He alsowas not the only German general who ever fought France.BONAPARTE, Joe, just Nap.'s brother (see him).BONHEUR, Rosa, a lady French artist who wore men's clothes.Being an old maid, she painted animals, but never mastered theparrot or the cat.  Her endeavors were confined to horses, andone of her paintings is considered fair.BOOTH, General William, founder of a vast army which neverfought a battle, made a retreat, or surrendered.  Conductedcampaigns in Great Britain and the United States, with brassbands and collection devises.  The army later became asuffragette institution when women were admitted as recruits,and placed as sentries to guard the Christmas-Easter collectionforts. Publication:  War Cry.  Recreation:  Reviewing troopersand troopesses.BOSWELL, Dr. Johnson's press agent (see the Doctor).BRADSTREET, author.  Wrote a book in which he described yourbank account and told how you paid your bills. Hiscomplimentary comments are highly valued.BRIEUX, Eugene, a seller of damaged goods who got away with itwithout being fined or driven out of business.BROWN, John, an American who helped start the Civil War byespousing the cause of the negro.  This resulted in his bodymoulding in the grave.BROWN, Thomas, an Englishman who reversed the usual procedureof life by springing into print when young, and keeping out ofit when old.BROWNING, Robert, a cryptogram writer whose poems aredeciphered by the Bostonese and cultured English people.  Ithas been estimated that B. could say more with fewer words andconceal his meaning better than any writer since the adaptationof the alphabet as a means of expression.BROWNING, Mrs., Bob's wife.  She also wrote poems. They wereeasily understood, and consequently seldom read.BRUMMELL, Beau, a man whose thoughts were more for the creasein his pantaloons than for his head.BRUTUS, Et Tu, a Roman murderer.BRYAN, William Jennings, a famous Chatauqua lecturer who ran anewspaper and the State Department on the side.  Archaeologistsclaim B. formed a passion to rule the nation when a child. Heonly got as far as the Democratic party and platforms. Became agolden orator with a silver speech and offered himself as arectifier of all things not Bryan.  For ages his name wasplaced on the presidential ballot and later removed. Made afortune by telling people why they did not elect him. Alsotoured the world, but shot no game in Africa or Monte Carlo.Was the father of Bryanism, an odious word meaning thingsBryan.  Later secured one Wilson to attend to Washington detailwork.  Motto:  All things come to him with bait.  Ambition:Short ballot with one name.  Publications:  The Commoner, anewspaper devoted to Bryan advertisements.  Address:  Mailforwarded from Washington.  Epitaph:  He Will Rise Again.BUCHANAN, J. C., manufacturer of the Scotchman's delight andweakness. He showed the world the excellence of two colors, andcaused many a man to lose the keyhole.BUDDHA, a prince of India who tired of good times and turnedreformer. Advised his congregations to adopt the recall andreferendum. Nailed several anti-saloon and burlesque planks inhis platform. After B.'s death his friends filled the Orientwith his bronzes. He was fat and wore a fascinating wart on hisforehead.BULL, John, a fine, fat, American-beef fed individual whoinhabits a suffragette-infested island somewhere in the NorthAtlantic.  Born several hundred years ago and is beginning toshow his age.  Is fond of the sea and is said to have a finefleet.  This has had off years, notably 1812.  B. has hadtrouble with a son who wishes to leave the paternal protection.Is fearless except when faced by a hunger strike, the Pankhurstfamily, and thoughts of Germany.  Patronizes a costly socialorganization known as the Royal Family, or a receptioncommittee for American heiresstocracy, which also dedicatesbuildings, poses for stamps, post-cards, motion pictures andraises princesses of Wales for magazine articles and crowningpurposes.  B. is a monitor of English style; wears a monocle,spats, 'i 'at, cane, pipe, awful accent, and never makes hisappearance without a cawld bawth. He detests the word"egotism." Is a celebrated humorist, seeing through all jokesbut himself.  Ambition:  'Ome sweet 'Ome.  Recreation:  Tea,Week Ends.  Address:  Hingland.  Clubs:  Policemen's, Golf,Jockey, and Suffrage.  Epitaph:  See Emperor William Again.BURNS, Robert, surnamed "Bobby," a Scotch bard who wrote lovepoems about his sweetheart.  He thus performed two remarkablefeats-- making poetry in the Scotch language, and finding agirl in Scotland who was as beautiful as his lines declare.BUTTERFLY, Madame, a little Japanese lady whose child hasremained the same size and age for the past eight years.BYRON, Lord, an Englishman who swam rivers, was wise enough toget away from the London weather, helped kindle Greek fire, andwrote poems.CCAESAR, Julius, school book writer, river crosser, and a greatpolitician who was not born in Ireland.  Entered Roman politicsas the leader of the Gang.  Was active in military affairs.Became a fair general despite his poor service training.Desired to write a book.  Began by taking an army and capturingEurope and England.  He did not waste his time with Scotland orIreland.  C. made a river famous by crossing it, and finallyincluded Rome in his history of victories.  Became popular withthe voters, but had trouble with the Senate.  Wrote books andpaid his debts. Was finally attacked by a few vested-interestsenators, and stabbed by a chum.  The murderer was caught, butescaped the gallows.  C. was honored with one of the finestfuneral orations over delivered over a corpse.  He was alsoawarded a few triumphant arches.  Publications:  Omnes Galliaest divisa in tres parses.  Ambition:  Rome:  Address:Capitol, Rome. Clubs:  Gladiators, Vestal.  Was also a memberof the Society for the Protection of Roman Ruins.  Epitaph:Veni, Vidi.CAIN, one of our ancestors of whom we do not brag.CANNON, Honorable Joseph G., late of the Speaker's Chair, Houseof Representatives, Washington, U. S. A.  For centuries C.occupied the chair, and tenderly protected poor railroads andtrusts from the unkind remarks of congressmen who knew thingsand him. Was finally retired from the chair by the Democrats,and from Congress by his constituents.  Grave:  1912 election.Heir:  Champ Clark.  Ambition:  Those good old trusty days oncemore.  Address:  The Far Back Woods.  Epitaph:  R. I. P.CANUTE, a king of England who proved the theory that the oceancould wave at him.CARLOS, Don, a man who does not believe a head is uneasy whichwears a crown.  Ambition:  Royal Palace, Madrid.  Address:Northern Spain.CARMEN, celebrated Spanish flirt.  She worked in the governmenttobacco factory at Seville until a clever writer and a musicianrescued her. Went on the stage.  Has appeared in most of thecities throughout the world, made love to several singers, andthen been killed by a bull fighter after singing her waythrough five acts.CARNEGIE, Andrew, or "Andy," or the Laird of Skibo.  A fine oldAmerican who went about giving away libraries, advice, peacebuildings, and advertising armor plate.  When a young Scotchmanhe scotched his three dollars a week and purchased the steeltrust. Later retired.  Ambition:  Universal peace with alldreadnaughts steel trust armored.  Also a library in everytown.  Recreation:  Telling young men how to scorn the root ofall fortunes.  Also receiving university degrees.  Address:University commencement platforms, New York City and Scotland.CARTER, a doctor who wants everybody to have liver trouble.CARUSO, Enrico, millionaire opera singer, who appeared in theVictor Talking Machine and New York City.  Always had a cold ora sore throat, a condition which assisted materially in fillingthe house. Like all his contemporaries, C. has been sued fordivorce and breach of promise, has lost his jewelry, visitedzoological gardens, sung for charity, given farewell concerts,and done other things to help his newspaper and box-officereputation.CASTELLINE, Count Boni Di, a French gold prospector who wassuccessful for a time in the U. S.CASTOR, one of Leda's twins.  Also invented an oil (seePollux).CASTRO, Cipriano, of Venezuela.  First man to introduceAmerican-Irish politics into South America.  Acquired afortune, which was greatly increased by a personal friendshipwith the American asphalt trust. Was revolutioned a few times,and finally escaped with the mint and his life.  Career:Dangerous.  Ambition:  Subjects without guns? and a New Yorkpolice force in his country.  Recreation:  Taxes.  Address:  ?CHAMBERLAIN, Joe A., of England.  A former Lloyd-George of theTreasury, who had different ideas of taxation.CHARON, ferryman.  Never had a childhood.  Devoted life to hisbusiness. Has navigated more people than all the Atlanticliners combined. Ambition:  A launch.  Recreation:  None.Address:  The Styx.CHAUCER (first name unknown), an early experimenter in theEnglish language. Notorious as a bad speller.  His best-knownwork is used as a student puzzle in leading universities andcolleges.  Ambition:  A typewriter and a dictionary.CHINAMAN, John, a well-known character in the U. S. who washedclothes, and made chop suey until he had enough money to returnto his native land, purchase a few wives, and live in opium.CHURCHILL, Winston, wrote books for a living.CHURCHILL, Winston, did not write books for a living.CINCINNATUS, of Rome, who left his plow to make his share inpolitics. Later inaugurated the back-to-the-farm movement.CINDERELLA, the only scullion maid who had a small foot and twosisters in society.  Historians have questioned her claims tofame, but they may easily be substantiated by millions ofchildren.CLAUS, Santa, poor father.CLEOPATRA, of Egypt.  A queen who presented England with athreadless needle, fell in love with some foreigners, wasunsuccessful in her love and naval affairs, and finally becamea mummy through the auspices of an adder.  Ambition:  AnEgyptian St. Patrick.  Also Royal lovers. Recreation:  Bargingwith Anthony.  Epitaph:  Pyramid.CLIMBERS, T. H. E., an American man and woman who had money andambition. Spent the early portion of their lives gatheringcash, and the later in spending it.  Were welcomed by manypeople, but never quite reached the top.  Both died trying toget there.  Ambition:  An English nobleman in the family.Recreation:  Paris, London, and Switzerland.  Address:  SeeRecreation.  Clubs:  All, with the exception of the ones theywanted.COLE, King, a merry old monarch of the Kingdom of Childhood.Great smoker, and was fond of the bowl.  Recreation:  Fiddlers.COLEMAN, a man whose invention has caused tears and throatburnings.COLUMBUS, Christopher, map enlarger, skipper.  Said to havebeen born in Genoa.  Something made him believe the world wasround.  He endeavored to secure money to prove his theory, butnobody cared whether he was correct or not.  Realizing therewas no capital or prophet in his own country, he took passageto Spain.  There he inveigled Isabella into equipping anexpedition for him to discover America.  She did and he did.Ambition:  To keep New York City in the family.  Recreation:Deck shuffle-boards, dreaming. Address:  San Salvatore.  Clubs:Palos Yacht.COMPANY, T. H. E., a man and woman who invariably called whenwe were taking a nap or dressing.  Charming conversationalists.Recreation:  Tea.  Ambition:  An invitation to dinner.CONFUCIUS, A Chinese preacher of note.  Lived some 500 years B.C. and taught the chinks the art of joss making, and how to dothings backward.  He also was the founder of ancestor worship.This still is practiced in England, but never in the UnitedStates or Australia.  Recreation:  Fireworks.  Ambition:  AChinese laundry in every city.  Epitaph:  More Majorum.CONQUEROR, Will The, of Normandy.  Wrote "Hastings" and "1066"in all history books.COOK, T. H. E., Lord of the Household.  Entered the kitchen ata tender age.  Soon acquired considerable weight in person, andin the management of the house.  When she departed there wasweeping, and wailing, and waiting.  Diet:  Usually large andeverything of the best.  Ambition:  An American policeman, orThomas Atkins.  Recreations:  Days off.  Address:  The wholehouse.COOK, Captain, a real explorer who discovered the SandwichIslands and who took the first Cook's tour around the world.COOK, Doctor Frederick A., an explorer who said he discoveredthe north pole, but nobody believed him.  (See Peary.)COOK, Tom, celebrated ticket seller, author of captivatingtravel literature, and a tour arranger who guarantees to saveyou money. Owns and operates the Nile and Mount Vesuvius.Publications:  The Come On Books.  Ambition:  Those Americanswho want to see everything. Also "first timers."  Address:  Anyforeign city equipped with tourists.COOK (first name not known), son of the above, who helps hisfather save money for the tourist.  He is called "fils" inParis.COPPERFIELD, Dave, one of Dickens' friends who assisted him inbuilding a reputation.CORBETT, James J., known as "gentleman Jim," one-time championfighter of the world, and a "has been" for whom everybody has agood word.  Many persons wish he might be the Corbett he usedto be.  Ambition:  A white champion.CORELLI,[2] Marie, an old-maid authoress who wrote delightfullove scenes. She is said to have written some books whichbrought her fame and royalty.  C. does not approve of societyexcept her own.  She remains secluded with her typewriter atMason Croft, Stratford-on-Avon, only being seen by herpublishers and the editor.  Publications:  See book stores andrailway stations.  Recreation:  Flowers.  Clubs:  Allanti-suffragette.[2] Ed.  Note:  The editor hopes to remove this name before thenext edition. Its insertion is entirely due to the machinationsof book reviewers, who claim Miss Corelli's books have falleninto the "was" class. The editor never contradicts a bookreviewer.COXEY, General, leader of the only non-militant army in theworld which did not take up collections or give away Christmasdinners.CRITIC, Dramatic, a notorious prevaricator who tells the worldto see all the shows, and thus preserves the advertising columnfor his employers.CROESUS, an ancient John D. Rockefeller, who became wealthywithout trusts, the Supreme Court, or the stock market.CROKER, Dick, ex-king of New York City.  Born in Ireland ofIrish parents. From childhood he practiced the art of politics,which resulted in his gaining the friendship of the New Yorkpolice force.  C. was elected.  C. was very poor.  Laterretired to his native land with two Atlantic liners filled withsalary.  Ambition:  An Irish president. Recreation:  EnglishDerbys.  Address:  Ireland.  Clubs: 1,100,000 New YorkDemocratic.CROMWELL, Oliver, a militant Presbyterian who entered politics,and went about England tearing down churches. He also assistedin putting King Charles I. out of his pleasure. Ran things inEngland on a reform-Cromwell basis, and after his death washonored by having his round head placed as a decoration overWestminster Hall.CRUSOE, Robinson, F. R. G. S., traveller and autobiographer.Visited a sparsely-settled island in the Pacific Ocean; talkedto parrots; found some footprints; rescued Friday, and returnedto England to become an author.CUPID, Daniel, a cute little fat fellow who called on every oneat least once.  Born shortly after Adam, and is still up tomischievous tricks.  It was he who made kings fall in love withpoor country girls; chauffeurs with their ladies, and beggarswith princesses.  C. held all men and women equal provided theywere good, and he made the happiest people on earth when theylistened to his voice.  He witnessed several internationalengagements, but did not like them, as the contestants gave hima black eye. He also was responsible for mothers-in-law. Someroads he made very rough, but C. always was a good guide. Attimes he caused pain, but he said it never was his fault. WhenC. stayed in a house the sun was always shining. You should beat home when he calls.  Ambition:  That sigh. Recreation:Archery.  Address:  Perhaps you know. Clubs:  None.  He prefersthe fireside and moonlight nights.CURIE, Madame, one of the few women who got her name in printwithout being a suffragette or an actress.CZAR.  See Russia.DDANIEL, ancient lion tamer.  Also performed the difficult featof remaining in a fiery furnace without his family applying forthe insurance.DANTE, of Italy, architect of the under world, journalist,lover, and poor politician.  Wrote articles for magazines, butused too much slang. Later fell in love.  The girl (see her)knew what journalists were, and refused to spoon.  Exasperated,he began a bombardment of poetry. That settled it.  D. thenentered politics.  Soon learned they did not mix with love andhis business.  Both he and his manuscripts were banished.Traveled in Italy in the interests of safety. Posed for hisbust while suffering with a bad attack of dyspepsia.Publications:  Poems, tragedies, and comedies (?). Ambition:To be Beatrice's Romeo.  Recreation:  Travel.  Address:  II viaDante, Florence.  Seldom at home.DANTON, the man who wound up France before the revolution.DARLING, Grace, a light-house keeper's daughter who showed theworld that a woman may fear a mouse, but not a tempest. One ofthe truly brave who did not receive a Carnegie advertisement.DARWIN, Charlie, a well-known enemy of preachers. He discoveredthat many men looked like their progenitors, and proved histheories with the exception of one link. The clergymen claimedthat a chain with one link missing was no chain, and that D.was a nature faker.  Publications:  Origin of Species, avaluable book, even if it does fail to explain the currencybill.DAUGHTER, Pharaoh's, an Egyptian princess, who took a bath, andrescued little Moses from the bull rushes.  (See Mose.)DAVID, King, or "Dave," shepherd, writer, musician, championsling shot, and politician.  Son of poor parents. Entered armyas a volunteer, and was awarded medals for his attack uponGoliath.  Appointed musician to the royal household. Becamefriendly with the Prince of Wales and succeeded in doing himout of the coronation.  Later was elected king. Fell in lovewith Mrs. (name not mentioned by newspapers). Gave her husbanda conspicuous position in the army. Married her.  Heir:  Sol.Publications:  Psalms. Recreation:  Slinging.  Address:Jerusalem.DEATH, a hideous man who called at least once during alifetime, usually toward the close.  Patron of insurancecompanies. Nothing is known of his childhood.  Historians claimhe never had any. Possessed an ugly face; wore a sheet over hishead, and always carried a scythe in his hands.  Never broughthappiness, although his visits frequently gave money to someone. Never could be bribed to pass a house he wished to enter.Many doctors and scientists have endeavored to kill him, but hecontinues to be a safe bet at 100 to 1.  Heir:  None.Ambition:  A happy home and prosperous graveyards.  Recreation:Sharpening scythes. Address:  Always hung out a black clothwherever he resided.DELILAH, friend of Samson, and quite a dip.  She alsoaccompanied Samson on a number of European and American operaexpeditions.DELMONICO, founder of a Fifth Avenue New York City cafe, wherethe cost of living has ever been high.  He introduced theFrench menu into the U. S. and with it considerableindigestion.DEMOSTHENES, an old Greek talker.DENIS, Saint, a saint with an Irish name who made good inFrance.DEPEW, Chauncey M., an ancient railroad-wealthy U. S. Senatorfrom the state of New York.  He made after-dinner speeches,dedicated monuments; married a young wife, and was relegated toobscurity by the American voters.DESDEMONA, of Venice.  A lady whose handkerchiefs cost morethan her clothes.DESLYS, G., a French dancer who had sufficient charm to attracta royal press agent, who could draw crowds and a big salary.DEVIL, see Old Nic.DEWAR, John, inventor of a popular Scotch beverage withoutwhich no cold day is complete.DEWEY, George E., a former American hero who totally destroyeda Spanish armada in Manila Bay.  He received the homage of anation; had cigars named after him; appeared in Who's Who; wasparaded through the streets; married a widow; moved toWashington; got in bad with the inhabitants, and got out of thenewspapers.DIANA, an ancient sportswoman who loved fox hunting, hounds,and the chase without the conventionalities of a society hunt.Address:  Ephesus.DIAZ, Porfiro, former king and political leader of Mexico, whodeparted from the social functions of a king to assist thegovernment.  Legends prevail to the effect that he patternedhis actions on a Napoleon-Roosevelt policy. He also wasrequested to move.  Ambition:  A revolution with himself ontop.  Recreation:  The fandango.  Address:  Fifty years in theWhite House of Mexico.  Epitaph:  Wilson Never Bothered Me.DICE, see Thomas and Harry.DICE, Diamond, American ten-cent adventurer; friend of themessenger boys and embryo criminals.  His biography formed animportant part in the lives of the boys who never visited theCarnegie libraries.DICKENS, Charles, an English writer who wrote.DIN, Gunga, a limpin' lump of brick dust, water carrier.Employed in H. R. H. service in India.  Wore few clothes.Fought in many battles.  Frequently gave bad water to soldiers.Rescued Thomas Atkins, but was shot while in the act.  Savedthe government the price of a medal.  His pathetic story waswidely published. Later it fell into disfavor in the U. S. andGreat Britain, it now being considered a crime to recite thestory.  Ambition:  To come back like Sherlock Holmes.Recreation:  Sleep.  Address:  Care of biographer.DIOGENES, the most foolish man who ever lived.  He endeavoredto find something with a lantern which could not even belocated with a searchlight. Ambition:  A brighter lantern.Recreation:  Cleaning globes. Address:  Tub.  Epitaph:  HereLies A Man Who Attempted The Impossible.DISRAELI, a Hebrew who gave up the trades of his ancestors torun England.DOE, John, an honest man who was defrauded out of millions bypersons who forged his name.DOODLE, Yankee, American horseman who made people take offtheir hats, shout, and whistle when he rode into town.DORCAS, a modiste who founded the church gossip societies.DOWIE, alias Elijah II, a celebrated Chicago divine who showedthe world how easily some people were deprived of their moneyand religion.DRAKE, Francis, an English admiral who did not have a publicsquare named after him.  D. also introduced the spud intoIreland.DREAMER, T. H. E., castle builder.  Lived long ago, andintended doing something to-day. Spent much time thinking aboutthe best girl in the world. A great friend of Procrastinator.Went through life waiting for to-morrow. Several men, however,with the same name, have awakened and given their dreams to theworld (see Columbus, etc., and Lady Macbeth).DREW, John, prehistoric American actor.DREYFUS, Captain, founder of the Dreyfus Case.  Got out of jailby being one of the few innocent men who got into print.DUFF, Mac, a Scotchman who gained fame because he was a goodlayer on.DUMPTY, H., celebrated accident victim.  Fell from a wall at anearly age and never recovered, despite the services ofspecialists.DUN, another man whose word of commendation will enable you toopen a charge account.EEASTMAN, George, inventor of the brownie camera and the mostexpensive sport on earth.  Ambition:  The kodak fiend,tourists. Address:  Rochester and London.  Clubs:  Camera.EDDY, Mrs., of Boston, Mass., U. S. A., a lady who mademillions by telling the world there was no such thing as thetoothache, sea-sickness, or hitting your thumb with a hammer.EDISON, Thomas, an American who invented everything with theexception of the sun dial, Pear's soap, and the Gillette razor.EIFEL, a Frenchman who built the second tower of Babel, but whowas wise enough to stop before he got too high.EIGHTH, Henry the, suitor, blue beard, and church builder. Whena young man he became a benedict, a condition in which heremained until well along in years.  As fast as a queenappeared at the breakfast table with her hair down her back,she was dispatched to the block.  A couple of queens got aheadof him. Was nearly as successful in obtaining divorces asNapoleon, of France, and American millionaires.  In his lateryears he competed against the Pope in England.  Ambition:  Aharem. Recreation:  Spooning.  Dreams:  Bad.  Address:Windsor.ELGIN, Lord, the man who rolled the Elgin marbles from Greeceto the British Museum.  Also had something to do with theinterior of watches.ELIJAH, a prophet of old who was fond of ravens (not red).Later he went somewhat out of his line, but succeeded as achariot driver.ELIZABETH, Queen, called "Bess" by Raleigh and the rest of theboys.  E. reigned when people did things.  She was wooed andlost by an Armada (see Philip II). She finally walked overRaleigh's coat, and later wiped her feet on him.  E. had asister by the name of Mary, who was better looking, and lessfortunate.  E. was queen when the pipe was introduced intoEngland.  Other and less important events of her reign were:Shakespeare, Spenser, and Virginia.  Died an old maid.  Heir:She did not have any.ELLIOT, George, a lady who wore a man's name and wrote books.EMANUEL II, Victor, the original of the statues in every townof Italy; a king with ambitions, who was wise enough to entrusthis affairs to a brainier man, and was thus made famous (seeGirabaldi).EMERSON, Ralph Waldo, American writer who inspired his readersto conquer the world.  Several have failed.  Also advised thepractical theory of hitching your wagon to the stars. Livedbefore the time of the taxi.EPICURUS, an ancient who believed that pain was unpleasant andthat pleasure was good.  His descendants live in expensivehotels and eat only in high-class restaurants.  Many sufferwith the gout. A popular cat foot was named in his honor.ESAU, an ancient who sold his birthright for a mess ofbreakfast food.ESTHER, Queen, a beautiful lady who triumphed over the villainof the book, married the hero, and lived happily everafterward.EUCLID, an old Greek who made poor students read his book asfar back as 300 B. C. He discovered the phenomenon that theshortest distance between two points is a crow's flight, andthat two parallel lines always compete.EVE, see Mrs. Adam.EYRE, Jane, an old maid school teacher, who married a richhusband after the fashion of books.FFAGAN, the Hebrew benefactor of Oliver Twist, whose name didnot fit his religion.FAHRENHEIT, inventor of an instrument which enables a person toascertain whether the weather is warm or cold.FAILURE, T. H. E., a failure.  Supposed to have idled away hisyounger days.  Believed to have dissipated.  Said not to haveapplied himself to school or business.  Found fault with lifeand everybody, but was never wrong himself.  Unpopular.  Agreat blamer. A lover of revolvers, rivers, and the poor house.Frequently seen in the under world.  Ambition:  The otherfellow. Recreation:  Too much.  Address:  All large cities.Clubs:  None.  Epitaph:  Here Lies A Man Who Never ReallyTried.FALLIERES, Armand, occupied a prominent position in the Frenchgovernment for seven years.  One of the most distinguished ofthe vast collection of ex-presidents now scattered over theworld.FALSTAFF, a celebrated drunk.FASHION, Dame, heart breaker, bank account ruiner, and patronsaint of French shop-keepers. She went about the large storeschanging the cut of ladies' clothes and the shape of theirhats. Created some awful looking things.  F. made the poor menwork very hard to keep up to her.  Publications:  Editor of allLadies' Magazines.  Address:  Paris, London, and New York City.Epitaph:  (Would that she had one.)FAUST, chemist, traveler.  A gay old man who fell in loveduring his second young manhood, traveled in a warm country,and sang his way to fame.FAWES, Guy, a man who attempted to make an impression inParliament without introducing home rule or suffrage bills.FINN, Huc, a bosom friend of Thomas Sawyer (see Tom).FITZIMMONS, Robert, an obsolete fighter who wishes he could rubthe black spot from the ring.FLETCHER, the inventor of chewing.FLORADORA, an American chorus girl, who was some popular withthe men. She appeared in all large cities with the best lookingchorus that ever wore tights.  F. created such a sensation thatevery living actress of note is willing to be classified as aformer member of her company. Had a miserable cigar named afterher.  Ambition:  Revival.  Grave: New York City.  Epitaph:There Were Not Many Like Flora.FOGG, P., The man Jules Verne sent around the world in sixtydays for a big sale.FOOL, A., a spendthrift lover.  Fell in love with anunintelligent woman and one who never could understand.Followed his natural bents, even as you and I. Wasted severalyears.  Wept profusely. End unknown.  Recreation:  Vampires.Epitaph:  He Was Not The Only One.FRANKLIN, Benjamin, one of the few Americans endowed withbrains. He discovered that lightning was composed ofelectricity, that politics paid better than printing, and thatthe French Court was more lively than the Continental Congress.FRERES, Pathe, patron of the motion picture fanatics.FRIEND, A., the scarcest thing on earth.  A rare visitor, buthe came around a few times in a lifetime.  F. was glad to knowof your success, pitied you in your failures, and shook you bythe hand when you were down and out.  Never borrowed money, buthe frequently lent it. Was a wise counsellor.  Very popular.His name was frequently given the baby (see Mischief).Ambition:  The other fellow's welfare. Recreation:  At theother fellow's house.  Address:  The other fellow's house orhis own.  Clubs:  All.FRITCHIE, Barbara, a Southern target.  Sprang into poetry asthe only woman in the history of mankind who admitted her oldage.FULTON, Robert, inventor.  Another brainy American who made afortune for the Cunard and White Star lines.GGABRIEL, A., trumpeter.  Entered history at an early date asthe agent for the Garden of Eden.  Compelled the Adam family tomove. Historians claim he will again be in Who's Who when St.Peter (see him) makes the inventory.  Ambition:  Larger lungs.Recreation:  Aviation.GAINSBOROUGH, T. R. A., a versatile English hat and portraitmanufacturer.GALILEO, inventor, star gazer.  Proved himself an imbecile bydeclaring the world revolved when everybody knew it wasstationary. Manufactured the first spy-glass, an instrumentwhich has since been used in theatres and for various otherpurposes. Also discovered that clocks were equipped withpendulums.GANGSTER, T. H. E., a politician known as a "progressive" whenout of office.GARDEN,[3] Mary, a clever actress who succeeded on the operastage. Legend has it that Mary possessed a fine voice as achild. This was expensively cultivated in Europe, was laterexposed before English and American congregations, and herSapho-Salome-Thais-Carmen costumes packed the houses.Ambition:  Less wealth and more throat. She also wants ahusband with a soul.  Recreation:  Being presented with operahouses and suppers.  Residence:  Principally Atlantic liners.[3] Ed.  Note:  This is not an advertisement.GARIBALDI, G., the George Washington of Italy without the teaparty. He espoused the cause of Victor Emmanuel (see Victor),and successfully Bismarcked the Italian States.  Slept in everytown in his country, ran second to V. E. in the number ofstatues erected to his appearance, and for three years held thechampionship for eating spaghetti.GARRICK, an old English matinee idol.GATLING, R. J., he was considered a big gun.GAUL, Dying, a brave soldier who posed for his statue whenmortally wounded.GEORGE I, King of England, 1660-1727. Permitted the whigs ingeneral, and one Walpole in particular, to run England.GEORGE II, King of England, 1683-1760. Held a few wars.GEORGE III, King of England, 1736-1820. Lived during the reignof William Pitt, and believed in taxing tea.GEORGE IV, husband of Queen Mary (see front pages of ourcontemporary Who's Who).GEORGE-LLOYD, Dave, a well-known cigar, English politician.Entered politics via a newspaper, clever speeches, and votes.Was a modest member of the House of Commons, seldom speakingmore than four times on any bill.  Kept climbing until hebecame under secretary of something, order keeper of the Boardof Trade, and finally occupied a prominent position in theExchequer. Assisted the Primer to grasp the Irish home rulemillstone, and hung on without a gurgle.  Ambition:  Adynamite-proof house, a tax on air.  Recreation:  (seeAsquith). Address:  Front row House of Commons.  Clubs:Anti-conservative.GIBSON, Charles Dana, American artist who pleased the oldinhabitants before the market was so wet.GILLETTE, manufacturer of a well-known Christmas present whichcuts barbers out of their tips, and is deucedly annoying toclean.GIRL, The Chorus, Um!GLADIATOR, Dying, another brave artists' model.GLADSTONE, W. E., a grand old man who twice premiered England,chopped trees, and failed to make accurate measurements withthe Irish home rule.GLYNN, E., an old maid authoress who knew things.  Wrote a bookwhich everybody tells the rector they have not read, and thenre-reads it when the doors are locked.  In the United States alaw has been passed compelling booksellers to include a bottleof disinfectant whenever a G. book is sold.  Ambition:  Apublisher who is not afraid of the police.  Recreation:Reading her own books.  Address:  Probably Paris.  Clubs:Always blackballed.GOAT, T. H. E., the one who purchased this book.GODIVA, Lady, horsewoman whose costume rivalled many exhibitedat the Paris horseshow.  Many said her habit was out of sight.GOETHE, a Dutchman who succeeded in making a few German wordsrhyme.GOLIATH, ancient heavyweight champion, who was knocked out inone round by a lightweight.  Defeat attributed tooverconfidence. Friends said nothing like that had ever enteredhis head.GOODWIN, Nathaniel, an American who was opposed to Mormonism,but who adopted it on a progressive and newspaper scale.GOOSE, Mother, a fine old lady who was loved by all, but whotold some awful untruths to the innocent.GORDON, I. L., editor of Who Was Who.  Probably the greatestwriter who ever lived.  Spent early childhood in infancy. Atthe age of fourteen began shaving and wearing long trousers. Attwenty-one G. was considered of age.  Began writing while achild. Penmanship so poor he took to the typewriter.  Wrote WhoWas Who with hope someone would purchase it.  Some one did.Ambition: (He considers this personal and will not be quoted.)Recreation: Looking for publishers.  Address:  Paris whenfinancially able. Other times in one of those confoundednewspaper offices.GORKY, M., a resident of Russia who became unpopular with thegovernment and moved.  He endeavored to make a lecture tour ofthe United States accompanied by another man's wife.  Learnedthat this was not the usual custom in America.  His managersand hotel proprietors requested him to continue his travels.Ambition:  A czarless Russia; less fussy people.  Publications:Much unpatriotic literature.GRAY, the man who wrote a clever cemetery poem, the first lineof which is remembered by everybody.GREAT, Peter the, shipbuilder, and the only ruler of Russia whonever was bombarded.  Was also unique in the fact that heworked. Historians claim this was due to his poor salary.GROAT, John, proprietor of a celebrated house located somedistance from Land's End.GUILLOTIN, Doctor, a French inventor of a popular method ofdecapitation, who had such confidence in his invention that hewas the first to give it a practical demonstration.GULLIVER, a Munchausen-Doctor Cook-Peary traveler who neversubmitted his proofs, but who found a credulous publisher and agullible public. Never lectured.HHAFID, Mulai, a sultan of Morocco, who succeeded in abdicatingbefore he was abdicated.HAGAR, Miss, Abraham's wife's maid who nearly broke up a happyfamily.HAHNEMANN, Doctor, of Leipsig, discovered the sugar pill andcalled it homeopathy.HAM, second officer and engineer of the Ark.HAMED, Abdul, a retired professor of diplomacy, championpromiser, and a sick man.  When a youth he began instructingthe monarchs of Europe in the use of a government.  One of hisfavorite pastimes was reading ultimatums.  Fearless until awarship entered the harbor, and even then usually got rid of itwith promises. Employed massacres to break the monotony ofreigning. Acquired as fine a harem as ever sat on silkcushions.  Some of H.'s younger subjects though he should beostlerized (see Dr. Ostler). They gave him his harem andsalary, and locked him up in a palace. Then the wise ones lostTripoli and about everything but sleeping room in Europe.Motto:  I told you so.  Ambition:  To be back on the job.Recreations:  Private entertainments. Address:  Harem.Epitaph:  Everybody Worked But Father.HAMLET, a Dane who had difficulty with an auxiliary verb. Alsofounded the foolish questions.HAMMERSTEIN, Oscar, an opera broker who inflicted himself, highprices, and buildings upon certain communities.HANDEL, placed "Handel's Largo" on the music stands. Also wrotea few other airs.HARRY.  (See Thomas and Richard.)HARVARD, John, an Englishman who founded a great Americanuniversity near the cultured town of Boston, Mass., U. S. A.,where football players and the sons of American millionaireseke out an education.HARVEY, Doctor W., a physician who learned in 1619 that hispatients had blood which circulated.  The discovery has sincebeen of some profit to his successors.HEINZ, of Pittsburg, Pa.  A man who never tried to conceal hisname. Sold American baked beans, catsup, and fifty-five othervarieties to the world.HELENA, Saint, Constantine's mother.  She built a few churches(also see Napoleon).HEMANS, Mrs., poetess who gave to the world that rich, soulful,and exquisite poesy, "The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck."  Itis said the poem has been parodized.HENRY, Pat., an Irish-American politician who demanded libertyor death. From all that can be ascertained he secured thelatter.HERCULES, the Sandow of the ancients, promoter of the Olympicgames and laborer.  H. claimed to have done some things whichare even questioned by the partisans of Doctor Cook.  Killedabout everybody, erected two pillars, stole some apples, and,in short, did everything but enter politics or invent abreakfast food.  Ambition:  The thirteenth labor. Recreation:Muscle development, travel.  Address:  The Pillars. Clubs:Athletic.  Epitaph:  Now Is A Mighty Man Fallen.HIAWATHA, American Indian who permitted his wife to starve todeath simply for the want of proper nourishment. Many claim agreat American poet used bad taste in writing the biography ofsuch a man.HICHENS,[4] Robert, planter of the Garden of Allah.Experimented with belle donna.  H. is still in Who's Who, andmultitudes of readers hope he will remain there for some timeto come.  Ambition:  Sales.  Recreation:  Filling his fountainpen or cleaning typewriter.  Address:  Care of the Publisher.Home:  Sicily.[4] Ed.  Note:  The editor hopes to meet Mr. Hichens some day,and is compelled to make the biography flattering.HILL, Samuel, a man who did things in a hurry.  Also acelebrated rain storm.HOBSON, American-Spanish War hero who lowered his ideals andwent to Congress.  Later he became a temperance lecturer. Washeard by great crowds.  Produced statistics to show how fewsaloons failed after a lecture.HOLMES, Sherlock, detective.  When a child he devouredinexpensive literature and theatres.  This fired his mind toeliminate Scotland Yard as a crime-detecting agency. Enteredthe profession of a detective, but was unknown until DoctorWatson pulled him into print.  His fortune was then made. Allthe society scandals were placed in his hands, and if he onlytold what he knew about society--! H. solved the mostcomplicated mysteries with a stroke of his hypodermic needle,and was only baffled in locating the murderer of Cock Robin.His name struck terror into the hearts of criminals andcompeting publishers. After all the criminals in England hadbeen jailed or hung he was killed by an author, but the greatH. solved the mystery of the grave and came back to life intime to see his murderer knighted.  Now at work on thesuffragette case.  Ambition:  Another Dr. Watson.  Recreation:Fond of Doyle's works and the violin.  Address:  31 BakerStreet.  Clubs: London Prison Society.  Epitaph:  Au Revoir,But.HOMER, travel writer, mythology expert, and journalist. Begancareer as a reporter on the Athens "Times." Was discharged forincompetence, and took up honest writing.  Found a publisherwho thought his writings would sell to posterity.  Later H.took charge of the Ulysses Tours.  Was war correspondent forthe Greek associated press at the siege of Troy.  Ambition:Fewer classics and more money.  Publication:  See libraries andschool rooms. Address:  Care Athens.  Clubs:  Literary, FourthEstate.HOOD, Red Riding, a brave little girl who escaped alive from awolf which had previously partaken of a relative.HOOD, Robin, a fine robber of merry England who took from therich and gave to the poor, and made crackerjack material forstories.HOOD, Sarsaparilla, the manufacturer of another remedy forHarvey's discovery.HOPE, the most beautiful woman who ever lived. She was a nearrelation of Ambition.  Discovered the words "wish" and "if" andgave her name to the world. She was the first woman tomanufacture ideals, and has been made the patron saint of thesuffragettes (see Suffragette).  H. went about making lifeworth while.  She was loved by all those millions of lovers andall those millions of men and women who endeavored to dothings.  Ambition:  The discouraged. Recreation:  Success.Address:  Perhaps she has resided in your home.HORACE, Quintus Horatius Flaccus, a rhymester of Greece whosang and drank of the Falernian wine.HORATIUS, Roman bridge tender who saved the city, and swam theTiber without getting stuck in the mud.HOUR, The Man of the, most popular and versatile man who everlived. Attracted tremendous attention.  Newspapers printed hispicture and ran long articles about his life, family,eccentricities, etc.  Won fame in war, science, pulpit,aviation, stage, art, music, politics, literature, finance, bysaving a life and in exploring.  His accomplishments wereinfinite.  H. was lionized by royalty, society, and beautifulwomen.  Made addresses, gave interviews, received honors. Hewas the man everyone wanted to shake by the hand so they couldtell other people they had done it.  Ambition:  Another hour.Recreation:  Basking.  Address:  All countries.  Clubs:  Allopen.HUERTA, Victoriano, a Mexican who made it necessary to employextra telegraphers and throat lotions at the White House.  Healso was responsible for the phrase, "The Mexican Situation."HUR, Benjamin, chariot racer, actor.  Appeared in all largecities, showed his noble figure, raced his horses, downed thevillain, packed up, and moved to the next town.HURST, William Randolph, father of the American unwhitenednewspapers. Democrat.  Started life in a humble manner, onlycontrolling a few newspapers.  He soon purchased others.  Hismagical touch changed their color.  Employed the greatest staffof imaginary geniuses ever gathered together. These men had theability to write unhampered by mere details or facts.  H. alsoemployed many good lawyers and used them frequently.  Fortifiedby his constituents, to wit:  the aforesaid geniuses andnewspapers, H. entered politics as a candidate for anything.Was always Bryaned and Roosevelted.  Ambition:  Same as Bryan.Recreation:  Reading yellow journals.  Address:  All largeAmerican cities.  Epitaph:  The Vote Is Mightier Than The Pen.HYDE, Mr. (See Dr. Jekyll.)IIBYCUS, a Grecian poet who improved poetry by permitting wordsto rhyme at the ends of the lines.ICARUS, father of aviation.  Record holder for the firsttumble. Selected water as the spot for his fall, and was notpicked up with the debris. Ambition:  A Wright machine.Recreation:  Tuning up. Address:  Greece.  Clubs:  Aero.IEKATERINOGRADSK, of Russia.  Little is known of his lifeexcept that he built a celebrated fort to protect the poorCossacks from the molestations of the populace.  Was probablyblown up or died in prison.INGERSOLL, first man to bring the price of turnips to withinthe reach of authors and artists.  Historians claim he wouldhave made another fortune had he lived when the sun-dial trusthad its own way.INGERSOLL, Robt.  G., one of those contented souls who did notbelieve in anything, and made a fortune by telling people whathe believed.INNOCENT, thirteen popes.  Address:  Rome.IRVING, Washington, a pleasing American writer who visitedWestminster Abbey, made Rip Van Winkle wake up, and wrote a fewbiographies.ISAAC (last name unknown), s. Abraham and Sarah.[5] Spent hischildhood like all little Isaacs and later married Rebecca,claimed by historians to have been a Jewess.  Had two famoussons, Esau and Jake (see both, but especially the latter). Diedat the tender age of 180 years.[5] Ed.  Note:  The editor apologizes for a seeming familiarityHe did his best to ascertain the lady's last name, but failed.ISABELLA, a Spanish queen who vowed she would not change herclothes until the Moors were driven from the country. Herhusband, the king, raised an army and accomplished the feat.I.'s name is sometimes connected with the discovery of America.This, however, is an error, as Columbus took a more activepart.ISAIAH, a prophet who wore second-hand clothing.ISHMAEL, son of Abraham, whose appearance complicated hisfather's estate. Traveled extensively in the desert with hismother.JJACK, the man who kept company with Jill.  Occupation:  Watercarrier. Killed while at work.  Ambition:  An artesian well inthe valley. (See Jill.)JACOB, birthright speculator, traveler, s.  Isaac, and brotherof Esau.  Was mother's pet.  Became proficient as a characterimpersonator, but never went on the stage. Left home suddenly.Slept on a stone and had hard dreams. Later married, and wasresponsible for Joseph and his brethren. (See Joe.)JAEGER, Doctor Gustav, claimed his underwear kept him warm.JAMES, Jesse, an American westerner who murdered, stole, andappeared in paper novels for the benefit of the messenger boy,the author, and the publisher.JAMES, King, a Scotchman who was considered good enough to beelected king of England.JANOS, H., manufacturer of a popular beverage.JAPHETH, third officer of the Ark.JEFFERSON, Joe, a fine old memory.JEFFREYS, James J., formerly a prize fighter, who carried hisgloves and bluff once too often to the ring.  (See Johnson.)JEKYLL, Doctor, a physician who took a dose of his ownmedicine.JEW, Wandering, an ancient Hebrew who has been going over theface of the earth for centuries, only stopping at the call ofsuch men as Eugene Sue and Lew Wallace.JILL, Jack's girl.  She was assisting her fiance when theaccident occurred.JOB, prehistoric millionaire who had his ups and downs.  Likeall rich men, he had a good young manhood, saved his money, andentered the market. Formed the camel trust and cornered thereal estate market. The market tumbled and so did J. Familytroubles also distressed him. His camels died of the colic orwere stolen.  J. went broke. Even in hard luck he patronizedthe temple, and believed while there was money it could be had.Started in business again with a small capital, remarried, andended his days ahead of the game.  Ambition:  A chance at theNew York Stock market; death to his comforters.  Recreation:Sackcloth and ashes.JOHNSON, John, called "Jack," one-time black championprize-fighter of the world, who learned that too much chicken,automobile, and champagne made even a colored gentleman a"waser."JOHNSON, Samuel, no relation of the above.  Employed thegreatest press agent the world has ever seen, and was thus madefamous.  Also wrote.JONAH, traveler, whaler, and lucky dog.  Became renowned fortaking a rough trip to sea.  Was thrown overboard because hewas the jonah. Swam until he was tired, and finally made amorsel for a fish. Tradition has it that J. was tough andindigestible.  He remained three days and three nights in theinterior of the whale, causing the animal considerableannoyance when he exercised.  Was later mal de mared, swamashore, and thanked his lucky stars for his indigestibility andthe illness of his rescuer.  His story was published.  Stillcauses some comment.  Tradition also says that J. never couldlook a fish in the face after the harrowing incident.Ambition:  Dry land. Recreation:  Mountain climbing.  Address:Sodom.  Clubs:  Alpine.JONATHAN, a man who loved King David more than a successor.JONES, John, made a fortune for Europe by inventing the picturepost-card.JONES, John Paul, an American admiral who scared England, andwas only prevented from capturing London by the unimportance ofthe place.JOSEPH, a Hebrew-Egyptian politician.  Born in Judea.  When ayoung man he became his father's favorite, while his brethrenhad to do the heavy work.  Wore a loud coat.  This aroused theire of his brethren, resulting in Joe being sold as a slave,and in the coat being sent to the cleaners.  J. journeyed toEgypt, where he refused to elope with the Pharaohess.  Herhusband, the Pharaoh, out of gratitude, put J. in prison, andafterward made him the royal butler.  Years passed.  A famineoccurred in Judea.  Joe's brethren came down to Egypt to lay inprovisions.  There they were confronted by the coatless Joe,who thanked them for the good luck they had thrust upon him.JOSEPHINE, only one of that great multitude of women whocarried a heart which was broken by the ambitions of a man.JUDAS, suicide.JUDY, Mrs. Punch, but usually unconventionally called by herfirst name. She suffered considerable annoyance at the hands ofher husband, although she frequently hen-pecked him.  Went onthe puppet stage for a few hundred years, displaying herdomestic infelicity.JULIET, a celebrated sweetheart who permitted her lover to makelove on a balcony.  Her history was written by one Shakespeare,and had a splendid sale.  (See Romeo.)JUPITER, boss of the ancient gods, father of most of them, anda regular Frenchman.  Ambition:  To run everything. Recreation:Killing giants, disguising himself as a swan, etc.  Address:Olympia.JUSTICE, only a mythological character whose statue has beenfrequently erected.  She had eye trouble. In the United StatesJ. carried scales with a small statue of politics in one pan,and money in the other. Her statues in other countries are saidto be different, although occasionally the little statues arefound in the pans.KKAISER, T. H. E., alias Emperor William, "Bill" to his friends;a German of some prominence, who caused heartfailure in Europe,considerable comment in England, and much applause in his owncountry.  Was also a naval constructor.  Born of royal parents.Inherited his father's position.  At a tender age he formed apassion for an army.  Like all royal children, he had his ownway.  His plaything has grown steadily, is in fine condition,but is only used for parading and scaring purposes.  His lateryears were spent in making additions to the fleet, but for whatpurpose even the wisest sages could not guess.  K. was alsohonored by a visit from T. Roosevelt (see the Wonder) on hisexhibition through Europe.  It is said he could not learnanything from his adviser.  Heir:  The crown prince.  Ambition:His army applied to the socialists.  Recreation:  Army.Address:  Army.  Clubs:  Army.KEELEY, Doctor, water-wagon manufacturer.  Claimed fame solelyon account of the invention which prevented men from going hometo a scolding without the assistance of lamp posts.  Declaredhis cure was as good as gold. Was strongly opposed by JohnBarleycorn and his friends.  Never cared for New York, London,or Paris.  K.'s end never has been made public.  Historians areendeavoring to ascertain whether he practiced what he preached.Ambition:  Large breweries.  Recreation:  Getting away frombusiness.  Address:  All large cities.  Clubs:  W. C. T. U.KHAYYAM, Omar, a fine old Persian who wrote a beautiful andheartfelt commentary on headache producers.  Ambition:  Moregrapes. Recreation:  A flask, books, and a Persian "thou."Epitaph: He Certainly Practised What He Preached.KIDD, Captain, the man who spent his life burying the treasurewhich several people have been sure they could locate. Was saidto have been one of the finest men who ever scuttled a ship.KILLER, Jack The Giant, a man who combined his name andaccomplishments.KIPLING, Rudyard, an English writer who has not been knighted.KNOX, John, of Edinburgh.  He was the man who introduced thekirk into Scotland, but failed to launch the collection plate.KRUGER, Oom Paul, an Old Dutch cleanser who certainly madeEngland scrub up.KUBELIK, Jan, the only violinist who never gave a farewellconcert.LLACHAISE, Pere, confessor of Louis XIV for thirty-four years.He was such an attentive listener and heard so much that theleading cemetery in Paris was named in his honor.LAMB, Charles, one of those immortals who forgot his life oftears to place smiles on paper.LANGTRY, Mrs., the Sarah Bernhardt of England less considerabletalent.  Ambition:  Those old time lovers.LAOCOON, a Trojan priest who suffered with delirium tremens.Together with his sons he posed for his statue while encumberedwith a bad attack.  Address:  Vatican, Rome.LAURIE, Annie, of Maxwelton.  The only woman in history who hada brow like a snowdrift.  Also the only good-looking lassie inScotland to whom Burns did not write a few poems.  L. wasengaged to be married; no record of the ceremony can be found.LAW, Andres Bonar, a Scotchman who gave up the iron business tobecome a mere member of Parliament.  Is said to have spoken onIrish questions.  Ambition:  (?). Recreation:  Travel, exceptin the south of Ireland.  Address:  Parliament.  This willprobably hold good for several editions of Who Was Who.  Clubs:Conservative, of course.LAW,[6] Mother-in-, no relation of the above.  A much-abusedancient whose life and story has been written by maliciousbiographers.  In reality L. was a kind soul who invited us todinner, permitted the gas to be turned down, and always knockedbefore she came into the room.  Later she wiped the dishes,took care of her grandchild (see Baby), helped pay the bills,and told the neighbors what a fine son-in-law she had.Ambition:  Daughter.  Recreation:  Our house.  Address:  Ourhouse most of the time.  Clubs:  Suffrage.[6] Ed.  Note:  The editor will not be held responsible for theaccuracy of the above.LAWSON, Thomas W., just a squeeler.LEDA, see mythology books, paintings, and statuary. AlsoJupiter, Castor, and Pollux.LEE and PERKINS, discoverers of Worcestershire sauce and royalsaucerers to the king.LEHAR, Frank, the man who assisted the Merry Widow to make herdebut. Also was the press agent for Mr. Maxim, of Paris.Ambition:  To find another widow.LEONORE, became famous because she had a lover who left herwith a good song.LEOPOLD, King, of the Congo and Belgium.  Has not been deadlong enough for historians to make him famous.  Ambition:Song, women, and wine.  Recreation:  Wine, women, and song.Address:  Several in Brussels.  Epitaph:  Quantum Mutatus AbIllo.LIBERTY, a huge lady who guards New York harbor, and welcomesItaly and Poland to the United States.LIMBURGER, of Germany.  Manufacturer of a self-advertisingcheese.LIPTON, Sir Thomas, a knighted Irishman who advertised tea withShamrocks, and one of the men of his race who did not enterpolitics or the police force.  Ambition:  That cup.LISZT, Frank, a piano player who wore long hair, wrote music,and played the piano.LLOYD, the man who will insure anything except the prospectsfor the sale of this book.LORELEI, said to be a beautiful German lady who always hidesherself when the tourist goes down the Rhine.LOT, Mrs. Lot's husband.LOT, Mrs., the only woman who had an inquisitiveness whichbecame practical. She also was considered one of the salt ofthe earth.LOUIS I, 778-840, called the Debonnaire.  Introduced cafe'sinto France.  Put the "is" in Paris.LOUIS II, 846-879. Introduced chorus girls into France.  Patronof cafe's.LOUIS III, 882-936. Introduced champagne into France.Continued the works of his predecessors.LOUIS IV, 936-954. Introduced high heels.  Continued the workof his predecessors.LOUIS V, 966-987. Introduced absinthe.LOUIS VI, 1106-1137. Enlarged the works of his ancestors.Started pre-tango dancing.LOUIS VII, 1137-1180. Fought Germany.  Inaugurated the Frenchmenu.LOUIS VIII, 1187-1196. Introduced the words "a la" anddressmakers into Paris.LOUIS IX, called the saint, 1215-1263. Was a good Louis.Fought the Turks and was taken prisoner.  His subjects thought7,000,000 francs worth of him.  Was awarded his halo for workin the Crusades.  Not a patron of his ancestors.  Veryunpopular in Paris.LOUIS X, 1289-1316. Reopened cafe's. Introduced the taxicab.Very popular.LOUIS XI, 1423-1483. Fought England, and died too soon to hearof the discovery of the United States.LOUIS XII, 1462-1515. Was king when the United States werediscovered.LOUIS XIII, 1601-1643. Permitted Cardinal Richelieu to king forhim.  Was a patron of cafe's, champagne, and Paris in general.LOUIS XIV, called the Grand, 1638-1715. Furniture builder,salon decorator, wig maker, and constructor.  Also assistedParis in acquiring her reputation.  Built Versailles, theLouvre, and Napoleon's tomb. He was the man who capturedAlsace-Lorraine from Germany. (See Napoleon III.) Motto:  I amthe state.  Ambition:  Strauss waltzes at Versailles.Recreation:  Dancing and attending to affairs of state.Address:  Versailles.LOUIS XV, 1710-1774, called a Bird.  He lived during the reignsof Queens Pompadour and Du-Barry.LOUIS XVI, 1754-1793. A Louis who continued the traditions ofhis ancestors, but--. Married Marie Antoinette.  Introduced theturkey trot and the salome dance at Versailles.  While hissubjects were starving he ate pate de foies gras. They objectedand carried his White Wigginess to Paris, where he ended hisreign.  Ambition:  To have been any one of his ancestors, evenNo. 9.  Recreation:  Short walks in the jail yard.  Address:Not permitted to receive letters. Epitaph:  Easy Falls The HeadWhich Wore A Crown.LOUIS XVII, 1785-1795. The only Louis who did not live longenough to have the good times of his ancestors, and the onlyLouis for whom the world has a word of sympathy.LOUIS XVIII, 1775-1824, called the Last.  He was the Louis whogot back on the job after the dizziness of the Revolution andNapoleon had subsided.LOVER, T. H. E., conqueror of worlds, architect of castles,lunatic, and saint.  Spent early days only in living. In youngmanhood he met Her.  From that moment all other hers he hadknown became lemons.  L. was an expert prevaricator. Polishedshoes, dressed neatly, shaved every day, and never ate onions.Spent evenings at Her house.  Detested gas or electric lights.Was fond of the fireplace and hands.  Quarreled occasionally.Spent salary for theatre tickets, candy, and flowers.  Walkedon air.  Had a terrible time keeping away from his friends whowanted him to have a good time.  One night Her lookedwonderfully beautiful.  L. said some things.  He could not keepquiet.  Her blushed, permitted him to sit closer, and then toldL. he was the dearest, sweetest, finest, biggest, noblest,bravest lovey in the wide, wide world.  Later L. secured anembarrassing interview and visited a jewelry store.  Diet:Poor.  Ambition:  A mother-in-law. Address:  Her home.  Clubs:None.  Epitaph:  For Men May Come and Men May Go.LUTHER, Martin, a German who started competition.MMcGINTY, a celebrated Irish diver.McGRAW, John J., Manager of the New York Baseball organization,frequently used by the Philadelphia Athletics to gain theworld's championship.MACBETH, Lady, a royal somnambulist.MACKINTOSH, discoverer of a method of keeping dry outside on arainy day.MAGELLAN, the man who got into straits and straights.MAN, Sand, an old fellow who visits houses blessed with achild. Only calls after supper.  Tells the little one he hasplayed enough for the day, and sprinkles some sand in his eyes.When M. departs the little bundle is asleep in the nursery orall cuddled up in Mother's lap.  Ambition:  Sand for the olderfolks.MANUEL, King, of England, and late of Portugal.  IntroducedParisian life into Lisbon.  Was a very sweet and very wiseyoung man.  Overlooked the fact that a king may rule a nation,but frequently is a poor press agent.  Became incensed at hisarmy and subjects. Moved in haste.  Ambition:  Lisbon and adancing queen. Recreation:  Watch bill-boards. Address:  Watchbill-boards. Clubs: Down and Out.  Epitaph:  A Manuel And HisKingdom Are Soon Parted.MARAT, one of the fathers of the French Revolution, who couldrule a city, but not a woman.MARCEL, Madame, of France.  Discovered a good excuse for womento gaze in mirrors.  Also caused heartfailure on a rainy day.MARCONI, Guglielmo, the man who made the inventors of telegraphpoles and wires look foolish.  His inventions have made itpossible for New York stock brokers to continue their businesswhile journeying to Paris.MARINER, A., traveler, albatross raiser.  Gathered fame bymaking a voyage with some dead ones.  His feat has frequentlybeen duplicated on liners out of the regular tourist season.MARK, Saint, of Venice.  Guarded the pigeons of his square andthe tourist who dwelt within his canals.MARTINI, manufacturer of an American before-dinner drink whichtastes too good.MARY, a young girl who was presented with a famous lamb. Seldomwas seen without the animal.  Conveyed it to school with herone day, thus causing considerable mirth among the pupils. Wasseverely reprimanded by the teacher, as it was against theregulations of the institution to permit animals, other thanthe children, in the class-rooms.  M. returned the lamb to thestable. Her biography has been extensively published.MATERLINCK, a Belgian who believed the best way to get "copy"about himself into the newspapers was to try to keep it out.Recreation:  Bluebird raising.MAXIM, patron saint of the American-English tourist in Paris,who introduced New York prices into a naughty cafe.  When ayoung man he discovered that the tourists were not payingenough money to see the sights.  With the assistance of somehandsomely gowned women he opened a cafe on the Rue Royal wherethey could.  For years it was patronized by his countrymenuntil they were ruined.  Later only royalty and tourists werepermitted to enter and form a mistaken idea of the real Frenchcafe, pay double prices for everything, see a few chorus girls,hear champagne bottles, and talk to English-speaking waiters.Ambition:  Americans.  Recreation:  Staying at home. PressAgent:  The Merry Widow and the Girl from Maxims.  Epitaph:Honi Soit Qui Mal y Pense.MAXIM, no relation of the above, as he only manufactured thingsto kill people, and not to financially ruin them.MEDICI, Katie, an Italian French woman whose past was uncoveredby those historians.  Was fond of poison, but did not care forMethodists or Presbyterians.MEDUSA, a celebrated ancient who had the delirium tremens in anacute stage.MELLIN, he was the man who tried to cheat the baby out of thebottle.MENDELSSOHN, wrote a tune which is usually played when a mangoes to his fate.MENNEN, the manufacturer of a baby and good complexionperquisite.  Nothing like it for your face after shaving.  Hispicture has been widely distributed, but never admired.MERCURY, errand boy for the gods.  Wore a pair of winged feetand feathers in his hat.  Was also an artist's model.Ambition:  A telegraph. Recreation:  Same as the gods.Address:  General delivery.METHUSELAH, an ancient who was not like one in a thousand.MICHEL, Saint, he kicked the devil out of paradise, and wasinstantly made the patron saint of France.MIKE, Pat's partner (see Pat).MILTON, John, wrote a Dante book, the title of which is knownby everybody and the contents by few.MOET and CHANDON, two competitors of Mr. Mumm who did much tobring the price of champagne to within the reach ofmillionaires.MOHAMMED, inventor of the harem, and the man who introducedmormonism into Arabia.  (See B. Young.) Also manufacturedcrescents, religion, and made Mecca the mecca for everything.Early life spent in business.  This did not pay.  He thenmarried a widow and retired.  Took up religion as a hobby.Became a professional.  Found the sword was mightier than hiskin. His salvation army was successful.  His prisoners weregiven the alternative of a finely tempered, beauti-fully inlaiddamascus blade or Islam.  They always became ferventlyreligious.  Later M. embarked on a marrying campaign with equalsuccess.  Publications:  The Koran, a treatise on everything.Ambition:  The crescent on every flag. Recreation:  Walkingtoward mountains; stroking his beard.  Address: 23 Blvd. Allah,Mecca, Arabia.  Epitaph:  A Man's Works Take After Him.MOLIERE, Jean B. P., a French author who wrote a few plays wedo not have to see alone.MONROE, James, the founder of a doctrine, the practicability ofwhich nations desire to learn, and yet do not wish to make thetest.MORSE, Samuel G., an inventor who might have used his talentsin other lines had Marconi lived before his time.MOSES, whose whereabouts in the dark has puzzled allgenerations. Born in the bullrushes of Egypt.  Entered politicsas the son of Pharaoh's daughter and the leader of the Ghetto.When M. waxed astute, after the manner of his people, hediscovered there were not sufficient shekels for himself andcountrymen in the land of Egypt.  He pleaded and plagued theking for permission to close the pawn shops and clothingstores.  Now in those days the children of Egypt were wont topatronize the bazaars of the children of the Chosen, andPharaoh was wroth within himself and refused the passports. Thebrave rabbi closed the kosher meat stores and took ship'sleave. Adopting an original compass, he made forced marches tothe Red Sea.  Here the synagogue was overtaken by Pharaoh andhis army. M. spilled the sea on them and marched on.  From thistime the journey to the Promised Land was slow.  Whether thiswas due to good business or sore feet history does not relate.M. later climbed a mountain and received the ten commandments.After breaking them he returned to camp.  He died before thejourney was complete.  Publications:  Histories.  Ambition:  Arailroad from Cairo to Jerusalem.  Recreation:  Tennis andcamel racing. Also enjoyed tent life.  Address:  Care of JewishLegation.MOSES, Holy, no relation of the above.  He was the fellow whocame around when you hit your finger with the hammer.MULLER, Maud, one of the few country girls who never went toNew York City.MUMM,[7] the man who made the most expensive drink on earth.The products of his cellars are frequently purchased by personswho cannot afford them. They form one of the principalingredients of a good time (see Paris).[7] Ed.  Note:  The editor is personally responsible for theabove stated facts.MUNCHAUSEN, Baron, traveler, explorer.  While many of hisbooks, lectures, and newspaper interviews have been questionedby scientific men, he is held in high regard due to his failureto claim the discovery of the north pole.MUNYON, Doctor, an American herb doctor and optimist. Held thetheory that while there was life there was a chance to sellsome of his medicine.MURPHY, Charles J. See What's Who of New York City.NNAPOLEON, a little Frenchman who wore a big hat, a little curlon his forehead, and whose ambitions were larger than his goodluck. Started life by placing Corsica on the map.  Like allgreat men, he was the dunce at school.  Later he used hismasters and prize-winning chums as first-row soldiers.  Enteredthe army. Never succeeded as a sentry.  Frequently amusedhimself by taking a couple of soldiers and capturing a city oran army between meals. The politicians in Paris saw the youngman was not without talents. They gave him a few more soldiers.Then he went after countries. Captured Egypt, but had troublewith one Nelson of England.  N. became unpopular with hisneighbors.  They all attacked him. He attacked them all.  Thatsettled it.  He ate wars. After the powers were powerless N.scampered about Europe adding countries to France.  He devouredGermany.  Went after Russia, but they made it too hot and toocold for him.  Had more trouble with that man Nelson.  Becamerich and divorced. Introduced Roosevelt publicity tactics intoFrance and carried a third term.  Started things.  Beganquarreling again. At last he was cooped up in Paris, and flewthe white flag. Visited Elba.  Revisited France.  Startedthings again. Took some veterans to Belgium.  There he was metby another Englishman by the name of Wellington who introducedhim to Waterloo.  For his kindness in leaving Europe Englandpresented N. with a whole island, a complementary guard, andpaid all his living expenses for six years.  Later N. becameresponsible for one of the sights of Paris.  Always carried hisright hand in the front of his coat.  Ambition:  A FrenchNelson, England, and progeny. Recreation:  Walking along theshore.  Address:  Fontainbleau, Europe, and At Sea.  Epitaph:I Desire That My Ashes Shall Rest On The Banks Of The SeineAmong The Few French People I Did Not Take To War.NAPOLEON II.  Absent.NAPOLEON III.  He was the man who did not devour Germany.Ambition:  Rough on rats for the Kaiser and Bismarck.Recreation:  Travel.  Address:  Paris when the Dutchmen wouldpermit him.  Epitaph:  Here Lies A Napoleon, But No Bonaparte.NARCISSUS, a lover who forgot there were other girls, and pinedaway into a flower and a tiresome song.NATION, Carrie, a window-smashing American liquor suffragettewho believed the ridiculous doctrine that all men should besober all the time.NEBUCHADNEZZAR, King, an old king whose name is blamed hard tospell.NEPTUNE, boss of the seas.  Has charge of the Atlantic liners,wireless, and the seasick.  Ambition:  A bridge from London toNew York.  Recreation:  Storms.  Address:  Atlantic.  Clubs:Yacht.NERO (first name forgotten). A Roman emperor who thoughtnothing burned like a good tarred Christian.  Also made firedepartments a necessity in the Eternal City.  Ambition:  A goodshow in the Colosseum.  Recreation:  Fiddling.  Clubs:  ChorusGirls. Epitaph:  For He Was A Jolly Good Fellow.NERO, Mrs., Nero's wife, who had considerable trouble with herhusband.NEWTON, Isaac, a man who was knighted for propounding thetheory that it is easier to wait under a tree for an apple tofall than to climb after it.NIC, Old, a friend of everybody, no matter who turns them down.Will stick to you clear to the end.  One of those good soulswho never fails to give encouragement and grasp you by the handwhen you want to do something you know you should not do. Wasdriven from home when a young man.  Set up competition andsucceeded wonderfully.  Organized the largest community inexistence.  This is steadily growing despite considerableopposition.  N. numbers among his friends most of the greatpeople who ever lived.  He is counting on others.  Caused muchworry to mothers and wives, but seldom troubled the men.Publications:  French literature; some fine books and pictures.Occupation:  Looking for idle hands.  Ambition:  You.Recreation:  Theatres, cabarets, music halls, cafe's,champagne, Mone Carlo, etc.  Fond of chorus girls.  Address:Paris.  N. also travels extensively. Epitaph:  Ad Infinitum.NIMROD, the first grouse, pheasant, and deer hunter whosucceeded without the advantages of a gun, a game preserve, ora license.NOAH, ship-builder, animal tamer.  A fine old ancestor who hadconsiderable to do in preserving the race for we posterity.When a young man he shunned the ways of young men, and neversat in the seat of the scornful.  Studied shipbuilding on theClyde and designed the largest floating stable on record.  Madequite a reputation as an animal collector.  Took to the seawhen well advanced in years.  N. was the first man to descendMt. Ararat without first making the ascension. Publications:The Log of the Ark.  Ambition:  No more floods, or a largercrew.  Recreation:  Bridge.  Address:  Care of the Editor.Clubs:  Yacht.  Epitaph:  De Profundis.NOBLE, A., of Norway, the inventor of the black hand and laborunion weapon. His invention also made possible the prematuredischarge of dynamite and the awarding of the Noble prizes.OO'CONNELL, Dan, said to have been an Irishman.  Probably bornin Dublin, raised in Dublin.  Raised cain in Dublin.  Repealedin Dublin. Dublined in Dublin.  Died in Dublin.  Traditionconnects his name with the early stages of the home rule bill.Ambition:  Ireland south of Ulster.  Recreation:  Oratory.Address:  Dublin.  Clubs:  Dublin. Favorite Color:  Green.O'GRADY, Sweet Rosie, also of Ireland, long dead, but stillbragged about.ORANGE, William of, also of Ireland.  He was the man who madeit a crime to wear the color named after him on the seventeenthof March.  (See St. Patrick.)ORPHEUS, lutist.  When a young man he was given a lute.Practised in obscurity, and later appeared before largeaudiences.  Made several successful concert tours.  MarriedEurydice.  Spent a happy honeymoon.  The bride did not wearshoes.  She was bitten by a serpent.  She died.  O. descendedto the abode of Old Nic, and charmed him with some Grecianragtime.  Nic promised to return the lady if O. would promiseto get out of the place without looking around to see whatother respectable people were there. O. started for the door.He heard familiar voices and rubbered.  That ended thecontract, and for all the editor has been able to ascertainEurydice is there to this day.OSTLER, William, a doctor who was knighted for proposing thatall fossils should be ostlerized.  Ambition:  To murder the menwho got that story into print.  Recreation:  Medicine.Address:  Oxford.  Epitaph: He Practised, But Not What HePreached.OTHELLO, of Venice.  Born in Morocco.  Went to Venice and fellin love with one Desdemona, an Italian girl.  They weremarried.  Mrs. Othello lost one of her favorite handkerchiefsand was killed by her enraged husband.  Shakespeare, ofEngland, a writer, heard of the incident and made some moneyout of it.PPADEREWSKI, Ignace Jan, another farewell-concert giver, whowore long red hair, a soulful expression, insured his fingers,and broke pianos.PALLAS, a Grecian goddess who was metamorphosed into a ravenperch by Poe.PAN, monstrosity, musical instrument maker, friend of poets.Born half a man and half a goat.  Took after the latter.Studied music under the old masters and outfluted Apollo.  Wasalso a sheep fancier.  Fathered fife and drum corps.  Ambition:A pair of shoes or a goat's appetite.  Recreation:  Hunting andfalling in love.  Address:  Greece.  Clubs:  Musical.PAN, Peter, a little fellow who was a delightful actress,believed in fairies, and crowded houses in England and theUnited States.PANKHURST, Mrs., a celebrated English woman who terrorized agovernment, starved herself, smashed windows, blew up things,and made speeches for a living.  Girlhood spent in developingmuscle, pluck, and theories. She appeared before the public anddeclared that the liquor traffic would be terminated when womenvoted.  Spent years of her life wondering why the men would notgive them the privilege.  Never cared for the ministry,although she was a very good woman.  Ambition:  A woman king."Votes for Women" in the Union Jack.  Recreation:  Planning the"next." Publications:  From the Cradle to the Ballot.  WindowsI have Smashed.  Address:  London.  Care Scotland Yard.PANKHURST, Sylvia, a little Pankhurst who helps mamma breakthings.PANZA, Sancho, Don Quixote's interlocutor and stable boss.PARIS, son of the King of Tyre, who ran away with another man'swife named Helen.  A city in France has been named to do himhonor.PARNELL, C. S., father of the downfall of English ministriesand Ulster. Born of Irish parents.  First man to successfullyexplode dynamite in Parliament without being executed.Ambition:  An Ulsterless Ireland, a Conservativeless England.Address:  Close to the English ministry. Epitaph:  The BillsMen Introduced Live After Them.PARSIFAL, the longest-winded singer who ever stepped on anopera stage.PASTEUR, Doctor, discoverer.  Experimented with mad dogs untilhe came to the conclusion they should be shot or chained. Asubway station in Paris has been named after him.PATRICK, Saint, a Scotchman who drove all the snakes out ofIreland with the exception of those in bottles.  Alsointroduced the brogue and the shamrock into the Emerald Isle.PAT, also of Ireland.  At an early age he emigrated to theUnited States.  There he took up the hod-carrying business.Went on the stage and set the world laughing.  He also enteredpolitics, captured the American police force, and, togetherwith his brothers in Parliament, rules Great Britain and theUnited States.PATTI, Adelina, a singer who said au revoir but not good bye.Epitaph:  Cum Grano Salis.PEAR,[8] the man who names most of the London busses, and keepsthe people of England clean for a penny a week. His business isinternational with the exception of Glasgow and Italy.[8] Ed.  Note:  This is not an advertisement.  The editor doesnot use soap.PEARY, Captain Robert E., explorer who said he reached thenorth pole and convinced a few people.  Was also forced towrite a book and lecture.  Publications:  How Dr. Cook AlmostGot Ahead of Me.  Ambition:  That a certain man had not madehim get all the way there the last time.  Grave:  The Cookincident.PENN, William, a man whose picture appears on all Quaker Oatsboxes. An Englishman who left his country, bought Pennsylvania,built the slow, old town of Philadelphia, and hung up theAmerican Liberty Bell.PERICLES, of Athens.  Political boss, philosopher, and general.Secured his reputation through brains, a voice, and awell-oiled political machine.  Started the golden age of Greecewith a loud blast of the horn of plenty.PETER, no relation to the following.  He introduced the art ofchocolate making into Switzerland, and the art of eating itinto America.  Ambition:  More children and people with sweetteeth.PETER, Saint, a fine old bearded saint who is an excellentbookkeeper, and a detester of roosters.  A church in Rome hastaken his name.  Ambition:  A new key.  Recreation:  Oilinghinges. Address:  Golden gates.PHARAOH, of Egypt.  Benefactor of Moses and Joseph.  Was alsothe father of Pharaoh's daughter.  Built a few pyramids,cigarette factories, and made a handsome mummy.PHILIP II, a king of Spain who, with an armada to press hissuit, endeavored to marry a queen of England.  Both the suitand the armada were left in the bay of Biscay, and the queen anold maid.  Ambition:  To the Inquisition with all Englishmen.Motto:  Faint heart never won fair lady.  Address:  Spain.PINAUD, Edward, discoverer of the only thing which would havesaved your hair.PINKHAM, Lydia, of vegetable compound fame.  Made a fortune outof advertisements, little boxes of pills, and women whobelieved what they read.PIPER, Peter, famous picker of pickled peppers.  Also heldaccounts against many people.  Caused considerable worry to hiscreditors.PITMAN, Isaac, discovered a method of making political speakersmore careful of what they said.  His invention has securedwealthy husbands for many a pretty and poor stenographer.PLUTARCH, the only man who had more lives than a cat.PLUTO, boss of the underworld until Old Nic got on the job.Also the manufacturer of a morning beverage.PLUVIUS, E., was the fellow who always made it rain when youwanted to wear your new hat or go to a ball game.POE, Ed.  A., an American poet who specialized in ravens andcold chills.POINCAIRE, Raymond, a Frenchman who has a splendid opportunityto get out of this book.POLLUX, Leda's other twin.  (See Mother and Brother.)POLO, Marco, F. R. G. S., traveler, discoverer, and lecturer.Began expeditions from Venice.  Discovered China, Japan, andthe Orient. Returned to Venice and Doctor Cooked his neighbors.He is supposed, however, to have visited the countries, as heproduced a pair of chop sticks, a Chinese laundry, and someJapanese lanterns.  These were accepted as proofs by theUniversity of Venice.  Ambition:  The north pole.POMPADOUR, Madame, coiffeur, Queen of France.  Said to havebeen a peach.  Was a great friend of Louis XV, and helped makethe dances at Versailles a success.  Ambition:  Plenty of hair.Recreation:  Versailles.  Address:  See Louis.  Clubs:  Anti.POWELL-BADEN, Robert S., a warrior who retired from service andinvented soldiers to be shot when the next big war comes along.PROCRASTINATOR, T. H. E., an extinct man who believed in thedoctrine of To-morrow.  He was a thief, but was neverconvicted. Ancient records state he invariably had an excusefor present inactivity, but would promise results the followingday.  Was a close friend of Failure.  Put off everything exceptDeath, and even did his best to keep him away as long aspossible.  Motto:  No time like the future.  Ambition:  Toaccomplish to-morrow what the other fellow is doing to-day.Recreation:  Always before business. Address:  Nobody knows.Clubs:  Many.PROGRESS, Pilgrim, an Englishman who made an extensive journeyencumbered with a large pack.  He visited Paris, had somehairbreadth escapes, was stuck in the mud, but finally returnedand became respectable like all other Englishmen.PUCCINI, Giacomo, maker of tunes and curtain calls.  A musicianwho did not starve, and who gave the classical name "LaFaniculla del West" to the plain "girl of the golden west."PULLMAN, an American who invented an expensive means of travel.P. also is responsible for the vast fortunes acquired byporters.PUNCH, husband of Judy, and a great favorite with the children,even if he did beat his old wife.  Led a hen-pecked life.Traveled in several European countries and spoke all thebest-selling languages. His name has been given to a seriousLondon publication.PYTHAGORAS, a Greek who said some people would be pigs afterthey were dead.Q[9][9] Ed.  Note:  The editor apologizes for the few Q's who havebeen famous.QUIETUS, Fluvius, of Rome.  Always put his name to everythingwhen he came around.QUIXOTE, Don, famous knight-errant of Spain.  Made somedesperate conquests for his lady-love, and was defeated by awindmill. In all his defeats, however, he showed to the worldthat a laugh cuts deeper than a sword, and that satire wouldkill where a lance could not penetrate. The word quixotic isused to his commemoration.R[10][10] Ed.  Note:  The editor apologizes for the character of theR's who have been famous.RALEIGH, Walt., one of the men who was permitted to hold handswith Queen Elizabeth.  His other feats were the introduction ofthe pipe into England and the plug into Ireland.RAMESES II, an Egyptian king who went about building burialmountains, statues to himself, and permitting cigarettes to benamed after him.RAPHAEL, a decorator who took paint in its raw state and madeit worth money.  Filled walls, principally in Italy, with someexpensive paintings, and, like Angelo, used the Vatican as hisstudio.  Ambition:  Churches with larger walls.  Recreation:Painting, art, and canvas weaving. Address:  All galleries.RECAMIER, Madame, of Paris.  Supplied the society column to thenewspapers.  To be invited to her salon meant that you wouldget plenty to eat, that you were somebody, that you would seesomebody, and that you would have to wear your Sunday clothes.Her R. S. V. P.'s were always accepted.  R. finally lost hermoney, and with it her friends.  Ambition:  The man of thehour.  Epitaph:  When She Had It She Spent It.REMBRANDT, Dutch painter who specialized in portraits of oldladies and Rembrandt.  Also brought considerable fame down uponhimself by filling a museum in Amsterdam with tourist-drawingpaintings.REMINGTON, the man who invented a typewriter at which manypretty stenographers[11] sit.[11] Ed.  Note:  Advertisement for the stenographers, not themachine.REVIEWER, The Book, he is the fellow who said a chef-d'oeuvrelike Who Was Who should be used for ballast.RHODES, Cecil, a poor boy who saved his money and purchasedSouth Africa.RHODES, Colossus of, a giant of antiquity who was not killed bya stone.  He rusted to death.RICHELIEU, Cardinal, the man who held down the throne for LouisXIII, and disagreed with the Duke of Buckingham.RITZ, innkeeper who made hotels in which we all would like tostop, but cannot.  Ambition:  Americans and English nobility.Recreation:  Visiting his hotels. Address:  Ritz and Carlton.Clubs:  Does not need any.ROBESPIERRE, a French politician who had the opportunity ofdoing to his enemies what most politicians would like to do totheirs.  Was finally voted out and down.ROBINSON, Jack, brother of Sam Hill.  He claimed distinctionsimply because some people were sufficiently clever to dothings before his name could be pronounced.ROCKEFELLER, John D., an American who endeavored to drive hiscamel through the eye of a needle by giving advice, buildingchurches and colleges, and squeezing competitors.  Like allmillionaires, he was born penniless.  R. worked hard, helpedthe missions out of his $3 a week, married, and purchased someoil fields.  He struck oil.  He made it in a trust. Then hebegan purchasing colleges to keep young men out of business.As his wealth increased his stomach and hair wore out.  Couldmake seven people dizzy thinking of his money.  Spent thelatter portion of his life dodging subpoenae servers, anddoubling his fortune by the dissolution of his business.Ambition:  More churches, colleges, and less competition. Alsoanother Supreme Court decision.  Recreation:  Golf, thecoiffeurs, and telling young men of the futility ofcompetition. Address:  Courts and church.  Clubs:  Y. M. C. A.,when he can spare the time from his legal and congressionalinvestigations.ROCKEFELLER, John D., Jr., the little Rockefeller who will havethe fun of spending it.  He was a good boy, and told otheryoung men how fortunate they were in being born poor and allabout the fungus which grows on the root of all evil.  Neverknew what a good time he could have with his Dad's coin inParis.  Ambition:  To be like father.  Recreation:  Sundayschool.  Occupation:  Forming new trusts and enlarging the oldones.  Clubs:  Y. M. C.A.RODIN, August, a Frenchman who did his utmost to fill Europeanand American galleries with statues at a price which would havemade Mike Angelo a billionaire.ROJESVENSKY, Admiral, a great Russian admiral and sea fighterwho gloriously defeated the fishing squadron in the EnglishChannel.  Later hit a snag in the Orient.ROMEO, Juliet's best fellow, who learned that his road to truelove ended in a cemetery.ROMULUS, Remus' twin.  Collaborated with his brother in homelife and in building Rome.ROOSEVELT, Theodore, nom de plume, T. R., Teddy, press agent,The Outlook, "I," traveler, teddy bear manufacturer, lecturer,interview giver, museum collector, "ME," Guildhall orator,dee-lighted, "MYSELF," mooser, hunter, band-wagon driver,band-wagon, Panama canal, rough rider, circus leader, circus,down-with-rafter, and a former retired and retiring presidentof the United States.  When a young man he spent his father'smoney by going to college, shooting lions, and raising a largefamily.  During the Spanish-American War he employed a troop ofrough riders, stormed San Juan Hill, and got into thenewspapers.  Made up his mind he would stay there.  R. becamegovernor of New York State with ambitions.  Being a wealthyman, and capable of contributing to the cause of the Republicanparty, he was elected vice-president of the United States.  Ahand other than his own made him president.  Here his newspapercareer really began.  R. first opened a three-ring circus inthe White House, wore a rough rider hat, and told the countrywhat a great president he was.  The voters believed him, anddid not object to four years more.  During this administrationR. successfully advertised himself, the family, started thePanama Canal, and appointed one William Howard Taft (see PoorBill) his successor.  R. then traveled through Africa with amagnificent body guard of photographers and newspaper men.After shooting a museum-full of specimens, he toured Europe andtold the king how to king and the emperors how to emp.Returning to the United States he placed his hand in statepolitics.  Fingers were badly burned.  When it came time toelect another president, R. was tired of scene shifting andyearned for the bouquets of the audience.  He girded up hisloins with the robes of sanctity, placed an internationalHarvester Trust halo over his head, and proclaimed himself asecond Moses who was destined to lead the children of Americaout of the Land of the Frying Pan into that of the Fire.  Witha mighty army of politicians, who also wanted to get back, R.started his campaign with such a huge band he could not hearany others.  The fight was based on telling the voters howeasily they had been deceived four years earlier in what he hadtold them concerning that "molycoddle Taft."  R. was elected bythe greatest majority in history until the ballots werehatched.  Later he joined the ranks of William Jennings Bryan.Publications: The "I" books.  Ambition:  To get back into Who'sWho and Washington.  Address:  The Outlook.  Oyster Bay fornewspapermen. Clubs:  Founder of the Ananias.  Epitaph:  Sameas Bryan's.ROTHSCHILDS, the Morgan-Rockefellers of Europe without quite asmuch money.ROY, Robert, a very wicked Scotchman whom we all hope willalways escape the police.RUBENS, P. P., an artist who realized styles frequentlychanged, and therefore painted fat people without theirclothes.RUSSE, Charlotte, a pleasant creature, but one who sometimescaused pain after a visit.RUSSIA, T. H. E., Czar of, an anti-bomb loving monarch withmodern subjects and a tenth-century brain.  His childhood wasspent in a steel-lined cage, guarded by the army and the fleet.He was crowned in a bomb-proof church by a thoroughly searchedclergyman, only the crown, the crowner, and the crowned beingpresent to witness the ceremony.  Seldom goes about thecountry, as he fears the heartfelt expressions of his subjects.In 1908 he became mixed up with Japan.  Is now economizing.Ambition:  Only life.  Recreation:  Dissolving Doumas. signingdeath warrants.  Address:  Large packages are always opened bythe servants.  Send letters care St. Petersburg policedepartment.  Clubs:  Army.  Epitaph:  It Is A Wonder He Did NotHave This Long Ago.SSALOME, a celebrated dancer who could fill the largest operahouses in the world with bald heads, opera glasses, and jealouswomen.  She is still in Who's Who, and probably will remainthere until arrested.SAM, Uncle, a tall, lean, good-natured rich man who sets pacesand spends his money.  Born July 4, 1776, S. Great Britain.Godfathered by France.  Was an impetuous baby.  Education:School of experience at Washington.  S. was assisted in earlylife by a number of men who took an interest in him.  Whenthirty-six years of age he chastised his mother, but laterbecame on excellent terms. Went in for land and colonizationbusiness.  Succeeded.  At the age of eighty-four S. sufferedfrom a severe attack of internal indiscretion. Recuperatedslowly.  Later entered the trust-raising business, and devotedconsiderable time to politics.  In 1897 he spanked a Europeanpower, but had to take care of the children after the incident.S. is either Republican or Democratic.  Favors the former,although once in awhile he desires change.  Wore a goatee, longhair, high hat, a suit made out of the flag, smoked cigarettes,had bad manners, and used much slang.  Publications:  Banknotes.  Ambition:  Another Republican president.  Address:Washington, D. C., U. S. A. Epitaph:  (If he ever gets one hedeserves it.)SAMSON, exponent of hair restorer and an iconoclast.  When ayoung man he rehearsed his muscles until he could break a chainand lift a fat lady.  Entered the army.  Was successful untilhe became bald.  Committed suicide by pushing a temple onhimself.SANDOW, a pupil of the above, vaudeville star and coincollector.  One of those individuals whom nature has endowedwith a magnificent body, and sufficient brains to make moneywith it.SANTOS-DUMONT, a pre-Zeppelin-Wright air investigator who hadenough money and sense to quit before people remarked hownatural he looked.SAVONAROLA, a reformer of Florence, Italy, who succeeded inclosing the cafe's, theatres, and dance halls.  He was popularwith the masses until election day.  When the oppositionreturned they made it hot for him.SAWYER, Thomas, a plain American boy who was rescued fromobscurity by Mark Twain, and became a good salesman.SCHLITZ, press agent of Milwaukee, U. S. A., who was successfulin advertising himself and his town.  In England he isSchwepps.SCHOPENHAUER, father of race suicide.  Lionized by the FrenchRepublic and T. R. Ambition:  Empty cribs.  Recreation:  Tripswith his wife and children.  Clubs:  Mother's.SCOTS, Mary Queen of, a Scotch lady who is said to have beenbeautiful, who fell in love, and was one of the few women whoseless attractive sister got the better of her.SCOTT, Walter, a Scotchman who secured fame without adoptingthe national characteristics.  His critics claim this was thereason he failed in business.  Wrote some books which are readby students and persons possessing much time.SEBASTIAN, Saint, the Italian who was shot with arrows and ransecond to the apostles in the number of his portraits exhibitedin European galleries.SEIDLITZ, powder manufacturer.SEVILLE, Barber of, a celebrated tonsorial artist whointroduced the marcel wave and the Gillette razor into Spain.SHACKLETON, Ernest, another pole explorer.  He was saved theignominy of reaching the desired point by the shortness ofrations, but he was near enough to become a profitable authorand lecturer.SHAKESPEARE, William, the man who was born atStratford-on-Avon. When a young man he amused himself bypoaching, visiting the Hathaway cottage, and being the villagepest.  Married the inmate of the cottage and went to London, acity in England.  S. became an apprentice actor, and was saidto have been nearly as bad an actor as his contemporaries.  Hisfame later arose due to his growing popularity.  He died.  S.'sbirthplace is now one of the tourist sights of the world.  Morepost-cards are sent from this town than from any of its size inEurope.  The church where he lies buried has an immensefloating congregation.  S. also shared honors with one Baconfor writing a few plays.  Ambition:  Present-day prices inElizabethan theatres.  Recreation:  Rehearsals.  Address: TheWorld.  Epitaph:  (Has been obliterated.)SHAMPOO, a barber of Shoo Poo, China, who introduced the art ofclean heads into the Celestial Empire.  This has since falleninto disrepute in that country, but is sometimes practiced inother lands.SHAW, G. Bernard, grouch, truth teller.  An English writer whomade money by being honest enough to tell people what theyknew.  S.'s enemies claim he would have to work should histheories be put into practice.  Believes in socialism and wantseverything.  Author of considerable sarcasm, wit, and dividedopinion as to his talents.  Ambition:  An Americanless England.Also, sales.  Address:  Watch bill-boards.SHEBA, Queen of, an ancient mere woman who matched her brainsagainst the brainiest man who ever lived.  She lost.SHEM, Noah's heir.  Was first officer of the Ark.SHERMAN, General, secured his fame by marching to the sea andgiving a terse definition of war.SHERRY, proprietor of a New York restaurant where a personfeels wealthy while at the table and poor afterward.SHOE, Old Woman of the, one of those anti-race-suicide motherswhose family caused considerable worry.  Ambition:  A betterjob for her husband.  Address:  Shoe.  Clubs:  She did not havetime for any, and thus could not be a suffragette.SHUSTER, Morgan, an American child who attempted to play thediplomatic game in Persia with grown ups.  Was spanked and senthome.  Occupation:  Crying.  Ambition:  Ambassador to a countrywithout diplomats.  Address:  Home.SHYLOCK.  See New York City business directory.SIMON, Simple, epicurean.  Passed an uneventful life with theexception of an encounter with a confectioner near the fairgrounds. The man operated his business on a cash basis.  Simonwas broke and no sale was consummated.SINBAD, an old tar whose yarns are still on the distaff.SISTERS, Seven Sutherland, a noted family who held outsalvation for the bald and envy to women.SMITH, John, the bravest man who ever lived.  Smith ate thefirst lobster.SMITH, John, secured his renown for living in every city in theworld.SOCRATES.  He helped introduce brains into Greece.  Committedsuicide.SOLOMON, King, author, musician, builder, benedict.  An oldMormon who established a record for wearing wedding clothes.When a child he developed a Boston brain.  This grew as theyears advanced. At a tender age he began acquiringmothers-in-law.  This caused his subjects to doubt his acumen.S. thoroughly vindicated himself, and set about building a cityand a big church to hold his family.  Wrote a number of popularsongs.  His proverbs also had a big sale.  Ambition:  Just onemore wife and an end to those quarrels in the harem.Recreations:  Picnics with the family.  Also was fond of thephonograph.  Address:  Care the Mrss. Solomon.  Epitaph:  HereLies The Original Man Who Knew It All.SON, Prodigal, tourist, oat sower, and herdsman.  Son ofwealthy parents.  Became tired of home and desired to travel.Visited foreign lands and had a jolly good time.  His letter ofcredit expired.  Friends were never at home after the event.S. had to work.  Later he took a bath and walked home.  Fatherwas delighted and gave a banquet in his honor.  Unpopular withhis brother.  Career:  Wild.  Satisfaction:  Saw something oflife.  Address:  Home.SOUSA, John P., American bandmaster who wrote books and shotpigeons between march compositions.SPENCER, Herbert, a scientist who believed the human racedegenerated from monkeys, and established the theory that onlythe survivors are the fittest.SUFFRAGETTE, T. H. E., a woman who lived years ago in GreatBritain and the United States, who believed that noble man wasincompetent, incomplete, incompatible, incongruent,inconsistent, and an incubus in his incurious incumbency.  Shewas the daughter of Too Much Time and Too Much Money.  Earlydays spent at home.  She married and began her career.  S.'sfirst weakness was a club.  Then she fell to the level of aspeech maker and a flag carrier.  The fanatical desire to seeher name in print led to the adoption of strenuous press-agenttactics. She died fighting.  Ambition:  To offset her husband'svote on election day.  Recreation:  Parading, windows, bombs,letter boxes, English ministries, and a string of etcs.Epitaph:  Requiescat In Pace. (Also see Mrs. Pankhurst andHope.)SUFFRAGETTE, T. H. E. Anti-, still lives, but is dying fast.Belongs to the moss-back half of femininity.  Has seriousobjection to use of her head, except for decorative purposes.Was not averse to press notices and looked with envy on theachievements of the suffragettes in this direction.  Beingdenied high office in their ranks because of lack of adequatecerebration, she set up a rival organization where brains werenot requisite. Entertains the utterly absurd idea that allwomen, except herself, belong at home with their husbands andchildren.  Where they belong in the absence of these, deponentsayeth not.  Ambition:  Continued parasitic existence.Recreation:  Manufacturing evidence and tagging on behind.Address:  Wherever there are suffrage meetings. Epitaph:  Alas!The World Does Move And She Was "Agin It."SULZER, William, the kettle who called Murphy black.  Also thegovernor of New York who enjoyed the unprecedented honor ofretiring from office in order that he might be considered aprogressive.  Motto:  Be sure your sins will get you out.Ambition:  To be a martyr to the claws. Diet:  Tigers.Epitaph:  You May Air, You May Perfume Your Clothes As YouWill, But The Smell Of Impeachment Will Cling To You Still.TTAFT, William Howard, a former fat, and last Republican,president of the United States who worshipped the trusts, theConstitution, the Supreme Court, and Theodore Roosevelt.  Thelove he bore the latter resulted in his election.  The twobrothers quarreled because Bill would not step aside and letTeddy run things all over again. The two brothers fought andanother ran away with the election. Principal events duringT.'s administration: Roosevelt's trip, The Outlook, Oyster Bay,Standard Oil, That election.  Ambition:  1916.  Recreation:Golf, messages to Congress.  Address:  Cincinnati, O. Epitaph:How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth It Is To Have A ThanklessPredecessor.TANGLEFOOT, he was the man who first stuck flies on flypaper.TANGUWAY, Eva, an actress who did not care even if those on thefront row did.TENNYSON, Lord, an English poet who turned a perpetual light ona charging brigade.TERRY, Ellen, a dear old lady whom the world wishes thefootlights might always shine upon and upon whom the curtainwould never descend.THAW, Harry K., famous lawyer endower.  Entered life as therich son of a wealthy father.  Became interested in the stageat an early age, but only got as far as the chorus.  Laterperformed on a New York roof garden.  Alienists say he was thesanest crazy man and the craziest sane man who ever lived.Also obtained some publicity by expensive exploring in Canadaand New Hampshire.  Ambition:  Wreaths for Jerome.  Recreation:Straightening jackets.  Address:  See this morning's paper.THEMISTOCLES, a Greek warrior who fought, but did not run amarathon.THIRD, Richard the, a king of England who showed how much hethought of the country by offering to exchange it for any kindof a horse.THUMB, Thomas, a white pygmy who enriched himself through hismisfortunes and the curiosity of the world.TIBERIUS, just a Roman emperor who fitted the job.TIFFANY,[12] of New York City, London, and Paris.  Introducedhigh prices into the jewelry business.  Greatly admired byfiance's and millionaires.  Has gained considerable fame, ashis products will pawn on a good margin.  Ambition:  A man inlove.[12] Ed.  Note:  This is not an advertisement, as the editor isnot an actress.TIME, Father, a very old man who has been introduced toeverybody.  Very unpopular with the ladies.  A great wound andsorrow healer, but unkind to the old.  He went about the worldchanging babies into men and women, and placing gray hair andwrinkles where they were never wanted.  Author:  Of tears.Recreation:  Reaping.  Address:  Your home. Epitaph:  Ad Finem.TINTORETTO, a Venetian painting manufacturer.  Together with P.P. Rubens he held the record for covering canvas and wearingout brushes.  Recreation:  He never had any.TITIAN, another painter of Venice.  His works have always beenpopular with the men.  They are exhibited in all Europeangalleries, and cause consternation among clergymen and schoolteachers. T. certainly could paint.  Ambition:  Models.Recreation:  Models.TOLSTOY, a voice out of the dark.TOM.  (See Richard and Harry.)TOM, Uncle, an old negro actor who appeared in every city,town, village, and hamlet in the United States north of theConfederate States.  His history was written by Mrs. H. B.Stowe, and was the match which kindled the Civil War.  TheNortherners have since learned that all negroes are not UncleToms, and are wondering whether any mistakes were made back in1861.TOURISTS, T. H. E., a man and woman who carried a camera,bought post-cards, read Baedekers, visited Cook's office, rodein carriages, and then told their friends all about the trip.Ambition:  Just one look at everything.  Address:  PrincipallyEurope.  Epitaph:  They Came, They Saw, They Vanished.TROY, Helen of, a peach of a girl who eloped with a man andcaused the longest siege in history to make her elope backagain.TURNER, J. M. W., an English painter whose paint exploded oncanvas.TWAIN, Mark, an American who wore long white hair, madeafter-dinner speeches, received university degrees, and madepeople laugh.TWINS, Siamese, two men who were closer than brothers.TWIST, Oliver, one of those unfortunates whose history had tobe divulged for the financial gain of a great writer and manytheatrical mangers.UUFFIZI, an Italian who prevented scores of the old masters fromstarving to death by filling his house in Florence with theircanvases.  Since the Morgan art raid the market price hasadvanced and U.'s investment has become profitable.ULYSSES, warrior, inventor, and traveler.  Sprang into fame atthe siege of Troy, where he invented the horse which recapturedHelen.  Escaped from Polyphemus, a one-eyed giant, by stickinga burning telegraph pole in his eye.  Later performed hisgreatest feat by evading the Sirens.  Stayed away from home somuch his wife forgot what he looked like.  His dog, however,recalled the scent and prevented U. from sleeping in the barn.Press Agent:  Homer.  Recreation:  Travel, wars.  Address:Ithaca.UNDERWOOD, Oscar, known as Underwood Bill.  A gentleman fromAlabama who walked in a presidential, but ran in a senatorial,race. He had something to do with the high cost of tariffing.UNKNOWN, the man who painted thousands of pictures in artgalleries.VVALESQUEZ, Spanish canvas coverer.  In the absence of thecamera, he was appointed the court oil photographer. Exposed aportrait of Philip IV in every gallery in the world.  Arttextbooks think a great deal of V.VANDERBILT, an American family of means who possess a fewrailroads, much of New York City, some splendid divorces, and aweakness for Newport and newspapers.VAN DYKE, beard inventor and artist.  A Dutchman who invadedEngland with portraits and his tonsorial achievement.VAN HOUTEN.  He was the man who put cocoa in tin boxes.VENUS, a dream of a girl who lived long ago, posed for herstatue, and had to die after everybody fell in love with her.Was born and painted at sea.  Married at an early age.  Was aregular heart breaker.  V. had an affair with one Adonis, andlater with Vulcan.  Not much is known of her old-ladyhood, asshe refused to pose for statues when advanced in years.Ambition:  Parisian gowns, the love of the gods.  Recreation:Love.  Address:  The Louvre, Paris. The Uffizi Gallery,Florence.  Clubs:  She was too good looking to be asuffragette.VERSONNESE, Paul, decorator of the Doges Palace, Venice, andcontributor to most galleries.  His work was nearly as prolificas Reubens, and two or three of his paintings compare favorablywith the naughty Titian.VESPASIAN, the man who built the colosseum in Rome for thetourists.VESPUCCI, A., an enterprising journalist who arrived on thescene after the discovery had been made.  V. wrote the story insuch a clever manner he succeeded in cheating the discovererout of naming the place. (See Columbus.)VICTOR, he was the man who put the fox terrier in front of thetalking machine.VINCI, Leonardo Da, painted Mona Lisa for the Louvre, Paris.His reputation has soared in proportion to the duration of herabsence.  Ambition:  To be the Morgan family painter.Recreation:  Looking for purchasers. Epitaph:  He Has FinishedHis Last Supper.VIRGIL, an old text-book writer.  Had something to do with theAEneid.VIRGIN, Vestal, an old maid of Rome who was locked up in theforum for protection.  She attended the gladiatorial contestsand played with her thumbs.VITUS, Saint, dancing master whose repertoire did not includethe turkey trot.VOLTAIRE, a Frenchman who went around with a bad taste in hismouth.VULCAN, fireman and tinsmith.  Made a number of celebratedforgings. Had a career like the ancients and fell in love withVenus. WWAGNER, Dick, a Dutchman who wrote a few sheets of music, wentinto the opera business, but died before the good singers orHammerstein prices appeared.WALKER, Johnnie, 1820.  Spent most of his life at your favoritebar until you appeared.WALTON, Isaac, he was the fellow who started those awful fishstories.WASHINGTON, George, child model, father, etc.  Spent early dayschopping trees, holding conversations with his father, killingIndians, and being brave.  Later he drove those tea-sellingEnglishmen from the United States, said farewell to his troops,and became a politician.  W. decided he was not good enough fora third term and retired. His picture has been widelydistributed.  Ambition:  To be the happy father of a big UncleSam.  Recreation:  Powdering his wig. Address:  Washington.Clubs:  Anti-Ananias.WASHINGTON, Booker T., only a distant relation of the above.  Abig black man who went about the country raising money to putbrains into ivory. He also told his audience how unfortunatethey were in not being coons. (See Uncle Tom.)WATSON, Doctor.  He boswelled Sherlock Holmes.WEBSTER, Dan., an American statesman and a member of Congressbefore the invention of investigating committees.  He diedfamous.WEBSTER, Noah, speller, writer, reference-book maker, andlanguage itemizer.  W. was the man to whom Mark Twain paid aglowing tribute by saying he was a great writer, but hisstories were too short.WELLINGTON, Duke of, an Englishman who taught a great Frenchgeneral to say "Tout est perdu."  He later taught England thatmany a good soldier makes a poor politician.WHITEHEAD, of Fiume, Austria.  Mission in life was to reducethe size of dreadnaughts.WHITTINGTON, Richard, proprietor of a celebrated back-fencewalker.WIDOW, Merry, a dream who hung around Mr. Maxim's restaurant inParis, made love to nobility, toured the world, and finallydied.  Death was caused by overexertion.  Before the war shewas engaged to a Balkan prince.  W. visited New York, London,and Paris.  Everybody fell in love with her and whistled herpraises.  Past:  (?) Press Agent: Frank Lehar.  Ambition:Millionaires.  Recreation:  After 11.45 P. M. Epitaph:  WhenWill There Be Another Like Her?WIGGS, Mrs., a woman who successfully advertised cabbages.WILLIAMS.  He was the man who ruined the shaving-mug business.WILSON, Puddin' Head, a young lawyer who was fathered by MarkTwain. No relation to the following.WILSON, Woodrow, one time president of an American football,educational institution, who outgrew his job.  He moved up tobe governor, made a few cure-all speeches, introduced Rooseveltto Bryan, changed his address to Washington.  Took out awatchful, waiting policy.  Is now in Who's Who, but whether hewill remain in that publication or this one cannot bedetermined at the time of going to press.  Ambition:  To keepRoosevelt and Bryan running.  Recreation:  Teaching, Browning,other brain exercises, thinking, Congress.  Address:Washington, care Joseph Tumulty.  Clubs:  Pedagogue, Mexican.WINSLOW, Mrs., known over the world as the lady who soothes thebaby's little tummie.WONDERLAND, Alice of, traveless discoveress.  Made a lady ofthe Royal Geographical Society.  She was a great favorite ofthe children and many grown ups.  She always will remain aWho's Whoess.WOOLSEY, Cardinal, a churchman who combined politics with hisprofession, became wealthy, unfortunate, and was finallywritten up by Shakespeare.WRIGHT, Orville, one of the inventors of the aeroplane whoknows the inside of the business, and believes one life on theground is worth two in the air.X[13][13] Ed.  Note:  The editor is again compelled to apologize forthe X's.XENOPHON, a Greek who endeavored to introduce morals into hiscountry. He died young.XYLOPHONES, inventor of the xylophone.YYALE, Eli, founder of the enemy of Harvard and Princeton.Football, pipe, and bulldog fancier.YORICK, an acquaintance of Hamlet who was recognized even in anemaciated condition.YOUNG, Brigham, the man who introduced Mohammedanism into theUnited States and placed Utah on the flag.  When a young man hebecame a strong anti-monogamist.  Moved west with his wives.Utah increased in population and was admitted as a state.After building a great temple, dedicated to Hymen, he died,leaving a considerable family and a few widows.  Heirs:  SeeUtah census.  Ambition:  London and New York in Utah.  Address:Utah.  Clubs:  Race Suicide.  Epitaph: Like Father, Like Son.ZZANGWELL, Israel, a child of the Ghetto who believed the penwas more profitable than the pack.  Ambition:  The PromisedUtopia.  Recreation: Zangwell plays.  Address:  The Ghetto.Clubs:  A. O. H.ZANY, A., the book reviewer who said Who Was Who was thegreatest book ever written.ZEPPELIN, Ferdinand, manufacturer of wrecked dirigibles, and anaeronaut who knew how to land.  Insurance still in vogue.Ambition:  The elevation of the German army.  Recreation:Aeronautics with the Kaiser.  Address:  Air.  Clubs:  Aero.ZOROASTER.  He was the man who introduced fires into warmcountries.He also thanks the readers in the name of the Editor for theirkind attention.The Project Gutenberg Etext of Who Was Who: 5000 B. C. to DateNOTETHE editor begs leave to inform the public that only personswho can produce proper evidence of their demise will beadmitted to Who Was Who. Press Agent notices or complimentarycomments are absolutely excluded, and those offering to pay forthe insertion of names will be prosecuted. As persons becomeeligible they will be included without solicitation, while thepages will be expurgated of others should good luck warrant.Who Was Who contains over 500 biographies of those who did orendeavored to become famous.  In a work of such magnitudeerrors occasionally occur. Should this be the case, the editorwill be glad to receive corrections from the ex-celebrities ortheir enemies.  These will be accepted gratis. Proofs will besent to all subscribers.  Members of the family will be able toorder the coming editions in advance by applying and remittingto the publisher.The work is fully protected by the libel laws of the UnitedStates and Great Britain.  Under no circumstance will duels befought.The editor wishes to express his thanks to those who havefurnished material for this book.  He also trusts they willshow their good feeling by purchasing a copy, and that all theunfortunates will speedily be returned to Who's Who.  THEEDITOR.ABBREVIATIONSA1.......... Can open charge account.A. B........ Four years hard sentence.A. M........ When we get up.Cit......... Common people.C. O. D..... No credit.Cong........ A Washington organization used for social and             investigation purposes.D. D........ Be careful of your jokes.Dem......... Politicians who get in office, once in awhile.D. H........ Pull.D. T........ Delirium tremens.Ets......... The rest of us.F. R. A..... Brains.F. R. G. S.. People who do not stay at home.G. O. P..... Hic jacet.Hon......... Speaker of the occasion.H. R. H..... Chief advertiser for cigarettes, mustard and kid              gloves.I........... Roosevelt.Incog....... Prominent men in Paris.IOU......... Hard luck.Ire......... Mother of politicians.LL. D....... American millionaires.M. P........ Home rule debaters.Parl........ Where the M. P.s debate.P. M........ When we go to bed.R. A........ Any kind of a painter but a cubist.Rep......... See G. O. P.R. I. P..... See following pages.Sir......... Writers and tea merchants.U. S. A..... Bryan + Wilson.OBITUARYBryan, William Jennings, of U. S. A.Cannon, Joseph G., of U. S. Congress.Castr