OPLDatabaseFile 0P@Field 1Field 2H101 Light Bulb Jokes2Version: 98.1 - Matthew Smith - asleep@terminal.czf;How many Accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?)What kind of answer did you have in mind?g4How many Actors does it take to change a light bulb?1Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.u9How many Agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb?:None. Agnostics question whether light bulbs really exist.nCHow many Aides did it take to change President Reagan's light bulb?)None. They liked to keep him in the dark.H:How many Anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb? All of them.f8How many Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?,None. Atheists don't believe in light bulbs.wGHow many Beverly Hills Residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?.None. They have a service come in and do that.s4How many Bikers does it take to change a light bulb?=Two. One to change the bulb and the other to kick the switch.g:How many Blind people does it take to change a light bulb?+It depends whether the switch is on or off.7How many Blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?LOne. She stands on the ladder and waits for the world to revolve around her.AHow many Board Meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?This topic was resumed from last week's discussion but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...l@How many Branch Davidians does it take to screw in a light bulb?*None. They provide their own illumination.Q9How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?Billions and billions.9How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?TTwo. One to do it and a priest to hear him confess and give the old bulb last rites.=How many CD Player Users does it take to change a light bulb?COne, but the old bulb keeps gettingstustustustustustustustustustuckDHow many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?NNone, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.Z:How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?Three, but they're really one.=How many City Planners does it take to screw in a light bulb?Six. Four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way 100/200/250 watt light bulb, one to write an article in the newspaper praising the study and one to put in a 10 watt bulb instead.o>How many Civil Servants does it take to screw in a light bulb?/Two. One to screw it in and one to screw it up.;How many Conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?LFour. One to do it and three to complain that the old bulb was a lot better.l9How many Consultants does it take to change a light bulb?1I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.P4How many Cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?None. It turned itself in.4How many Cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?uThree. One to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along.AHow many Country Musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?UFive. One to do it and four to sing about how much they're going to miss the old one.e;How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?(One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.QHow many Disgruntled Former Postal Workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?fTwo. One to shoot the old bulb out of the socket and the other to hide under a desk with the new bulb._8How many Drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?%One, but he has to do it three times.:How many Dylan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?QThe answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind.jLHow many Dysfunctional Family Members does it take to screw in a light bulb?Light bulb? What light bulb?=7How many Dyslexics does it take to bulb a light change?Eno.s@How many Efficiency Experts does it take to change a light bulb?1None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.}?How many Environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?How many Figure Skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?ATwo. One to do it and one to knock the ladder out from under her.z=How many Fire-fighters does it take to screw in a light bulb?;Three. One to do it and two to cut a hole through the roof.7How many Fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?JFive, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been this big.>How many Folk Musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?CForty. One to do it and thirty nine to complain that it's electric.e9How many Folklorists does it take to change a light bulb?*Ten. One to do it and nine to document it.w8How many Generals does it take to screw in a light bulb?=None. They can all see by the light at the end of the tunnel.\7How many Hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?#Huh?...What? Oh, it's dark in here?=How many Hari Krishnas does it take to screw in a light bulb?TTen. One to do it and the rest to dance around, play the tambourine, chant and sing.;How many IBM PC Owners does it take to change a light bulb?_Only one, but they'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adapter card first, which is extra.v6How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?>21. One to hold the bulb and 20 to drink until the room spins.JHow many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?MTwo. One to get the diet Cokes out of the fridge and the other to call Daddy.eNone. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.[4How many Mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?%Two, but they have to be pretty smallDHow many Microsoft Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?=None, they just redefine darkness as the industry standard.QHow many Microsoft Technical Support Staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?7It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.gHow many NASA Technicians does it take to change a light bulb?Seventy, and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally get around to it the weather's bad so they postpone it till next week. The light bulb costs 3 million dollars.e=How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?&None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.?How many Nuclear Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?oSeven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.AHow many Operating Systems are required to screw in a light bulb?BJust one. Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.y9How many Optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?>None. They're convinced that the power will come back on soon.How many Psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?+How long have you been having this fantasy?a>How many Psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?!How many do *you* think it takes?p;How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?3None. The bulb will change itself when it is ready.w7How many Quakers does it take to screw in a light bulb?>Ten to sit around in a circle until one feels the inner light.?How many Quantum Mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?MThey can't. If they know where the socket is they cannot locate the new bulb.a6How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?)None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.~8How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?DNone. They always have enough Real Men around to change it for them.cBHow many Recovering Addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?One. But it takes twelve steps.\;How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?None. They only screw the poor.a9How many Satanists does it take to screw in a light bulb?&Light bulb? They prefer black candles.xHow many Square Dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?6Four and you have to walk them through it a few times.